This day was a tough day. J.J. was getting sicker. He had started to vomit. My Mama heart was concerned for him, yet we've seen plenty of vomiting in this house. There was so much going on, I was in robotic action. I did what I needed to get done, and moved on to the next thing. No real time to think. That is, until I went to the gym.
Gym time is my think time. It's my sanity time, it's MY time. On this particular day a year ago I remember having an issue with one of my girls. So I knew prayer time was in order. I grabbed my copy of "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" by Jodie Berndt, and headed to the gym.
I don't remember the particular issue that day. Whether I needed to pray for this child's relationship with her siblings, or her relationship with me, or having a servant's heart, or "Kids in Crisis".....I don't remember. I just knew I would read the specific chapter while on the treadmill and pray while on the bike.
When I got on the treadmill I began to read.....but I didn't read the chapter I "should" have. I began reading the chapter on Praying for Physical Health and Safety. Don't ask me why! I remember being totally engrossed in the book. My breathing, even though I was on a treadmill, was shallow. I felt like I was in a tunnel. After I finished, I remember slamming the book shut and audibly saying "NO!" while tears welled up in my eyes. (See I told you the people at the gym must think I'm nuts!!)
The chapter focused on how we aren't promised health or safety on this earth. But we are promised that God does love us. His love is so immense. During times of deep trial and asking the hard question of.... "Why would God allow sickness and death to come to our children?".... we need to remember that God sent His OWN Son, who suffered and died. We need to focus our eyes on Jesus. We need to see the bigger picture....even when our own painful circumstances are blaring in our faces. It was not what I was hoping to read......but it was exactly what I needed for the days to come.
As I got in from the gym I was in my bedroom putting clothes away when I hear it again. THAT SONG!! One of my girls was taking a shower in the basement and had the radio on. I RARELY notice that stuff. There seems to always be something ON in this house, so my mind doesn't register what is specifically playing. BUT....there it was.....THAT SONG!!! I couldn't ignore it. Why would it be so blaring? She doesn't have it up THAT loud.
This time I didn't ignore the song. Somehow it was just one more confirmation. One more little heart preparation. One more.....Be PrEpArEd!!............
FOR WHAT EXACTLY??
At that time I wasn't sure....
(Editing note: This week I'm writing mainly about how God prepared my heart to hear the news that J.J. had diabetes. If you want more physical symptoms of the days leading up to his diagnosis check out this post.)