Often I wake up in the morning with a "theme" or a central thought or idea. This morning it was divorce. As we hear of more and more people we personally know get divorced it doesn't surprise us.....tell me how two sinners are "compatible?"......but it does sadden us. It scares us actually. Will we be the next ones?
We were informed recently that when a child is diagnosed with a chronic illness the divorce rate jumps to 80%. Eighty percent seems high. That thought has been swirling in my head recently. I can understand how it can happen though. Caring for a "diseased" child can be an overwhelming task. The 24/7/365 care takes it's toll on a person...and a marriage. It takes a lot of understanding from both parents. Both parents have to be committed to the care and to each other.....otherwise they will fall on the 80% side of the statistic.
Here's where I get honest folks. It's not easy. J.J.'s diagnosis and the various other trials (read....hurricanes) that have come into our lives the past couple of years have taken it's toll on our marriage at times. At times we've become selfish.....we turn our focus on ourselves I think in an attempt to "preserve" ourselves in some way. But in reality we end up pushing each other farther apart.
Hubby and I handle "grief" and pain differently. One way may seem "superior" to another, but in reality they are just different. Because of this difference we have become resentful of one another and our methods of grieving. Thankfully we finally realized what it was doing to us, and our marriage. This was huge.....because resentfulness and bitterness can eventually destroy a marriage.
As we've received counsel in this area we realize that the challenges we now face in our marriage have increased. We realize that we have to be intentional with our marriage. We can't just "float" along......or we'll sink. We also realized that it's "simple" if we keep our focus. Simple in that there are three things that have to top our priority list.....just three....and if we keep these three in perspective then we'll make it.
Love Jesus
Love each other
Love your children
I don't know why I needed someone else to show me this, but I did. I need to love my three J's.....Jesus, Jason, & J.J.....
(O.K....I know I have other children....which I do love.... but this blog is about J.J.'s diabetes....and "the three J's" sounded good:-).
I need to be intentional and focused on these during the hurricanes, and I can't let one of them slip into the sea. And yes, I do understand that even keeping these three from slipping is a humongous task some days. That's why I have my prayer requests on the sidebar of this blog. I made those in January of this year.....not fully realizing the impact this disease would have on us. Prayer has held us together.....is holding us together....and keeping us together. Thank you for your prayers.....we feel them!:-) I know it's those prayers and our faith that will keep us from becoming another divorce statistic.
4 comments:
I was just thinking about this recently too. How hard it is to keep everything going even without the added challenges of a child with diabetes.
I wonder if the same holds true for an adult with diabetes? I know that I often feel so overwhelmed by the task of taking care of myself that I don't have much left for my wife or kids. What does that do to a marriage?
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Lynnea.
Scott....I was thinking the same thing, but more on the side of a parent contemplating the future spouse..what she will have to commit to before the marriage. I'm praying for this person now. I know she'll need to be someone special...from reading all the blogs out there of adults with type one..like you! I suppose it comes back to the basics I mentioned...and plain hard work.:-)
My parents divorced about 4 years after my diagnosis. But I know they had problems before. Communication and understanding are biggies in a relationship. Placing God at the center is the most important. It's when people put Him off-center, that they end up in the statistics.
If you and your husband keep yourselves centered, I have faith that God will keep you where you need to be. Bless you for having this mindset. Too many people don't look at it that way.
Lynnea --
Funny you should post this, as my husband & I recently weathered our first major marital hurricane this summer. Without diving into too many details, the stress over caring for a child with this disease very nearly brought our marriage to an end. It took me moving out of the house for 2 months for him to agree to go to counseling with me, but we're doing it. Things still aren't easy, but they're getting better.
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