Pump Start Scheduled.....

I called our CDE because we are down to our last penfill of insulin. I didn't want to reorder another 6 months supply if J.J. were to get on the pump in the next couple of weeks rendering the penfills useless to fill the pump reservoirs. To me, not a big deal....nothing threatening, nothing that screams "WE'RE MOVING FORWARD!"

When she calls back, however, she asks us if we want to start J.J. on the pump. Gee... what do I say...? Yes, no, maybe? I ended up telling her yes. Wow...she moved into action...set a date for next Friday, rattled off a bunch of requirements and what I'm calling "homework" assignments.

While she's talking I get BLEEPED twice....but can't really answer the calls since she's in super-duper CDE mode. The calls were from the pump supply company and my hubby. Both had input to this situation that I wasn't privy to....since I couldn't answer the bleeping phone!!

Turns out our insurance isn't going to pay a penny, as we(I) figured, for the supplies until our outrageously high deductible is met. I was figuring that was the case....but hubby wasn't. So when the supplier couldn't get me, she calls hubby....who goes into complete sticker shock!! Ends up NOT giving them a credit card number and calls me...on both my phones.

I was already a little apprehensive about this pump start, but when I talked to hubby and he's like, "Are you sure we want to do this? Is it really going to be (insert cost) a month? I mean, I know it's what's best for J.J., but is it really going to cost that much a month?"

And then later I try to prepare him for the difficulties ahead by saying, "It's like STARTING OVER...it's like HAVING A NEWBORN IN THE HOUSE AGAIN....Are you prepared for that?"

He responds by saying, "NO! Nobody is ever really ready for a newborn, but it has to come out sometime. So this has to happen sometime."

By this time I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT....

Wow...if he's not ready for this, I can't do this....this is going to be way bad. No way....I'm calling everybody back NOW...no supplies, no pump start.

But then the fam leaves for soccer, and I have a quiet house. I decide to sit down to "vent" in my journal when I read the very last entry:

"No, we wouldn't choose to have storms, but what we will find in the storm is God, who changes our fears to faith."
--Fern Nichols in Every Child Needs a Praying Mother

Fears to faith...exactly what I needed to read. The tornado of fears was whisking me away...causing a frantic frenzied crazy Mama. For the next two hours I turned my fears over to God, knowing I can cast all my burdens upon Him because He cares for me. In those hours I found the faith to free me of the fears. He has an endless supply of grace, strength, and perseverance....I just need to ask Him for it.

This very long winded post is to say that J.J. is scheduled to receive his supplies by early next week, and to start on the pump Friday September 5th. We would appreciate your prayers that:

• The adjustment would go smoothly
• Our minds would be able to absorb the enormous amounts of NEW information we need to care for J.J. using this different method of treatment...and the kids would understand while we learn.
  
• J.J.'s fears would be calmed...he said he's "a little" scared.
• We would trust God completely and fully for financial provision..He has never failed us...
• Our marriage would remain strong--lack of sleep, nerves on edge, lack of time to just be with one another, and keeping all the plates spinning at the same time--can all put a strain on a marriage.
• The used pump will work until we can get a new one....possibly the beginning of 2009....and it won't be too frustrating to use it.