The Diabetes Diary: One Mom's Story

On the pump again....

2011-12-29T13:44:00.000-06:00

......here we go....trying the pump again!!

Yesterday was THE day! It was going to be a fairly quiet day with all his siblings(minus babe) gone to the Mall of America. J.J. was really scared of the shot. He remembered it hurting REALLY bad! We counted....1....2...3.....POKE!! He didn't flinch, and says "Was that it?".

An hour after eating he was at 200...YES!! It's working!!

What we decided to do (for now) is continue to give him long acting insulin for basals twice a day, but deliver some of his basal through the pump to prevent clogs or air bubbles. We felt pretty comfortable with his basal dosages and wanted to mess with that later if needed. It was nice to be able to give his bolus through the pump. Once we forgot some carbs, another time he wanted more food. I'd forgotten how nice that is!:) I also appreciated the pump when I checked in the night and got a slightly high reading and the pump did the .3 correction.

I suppose the only minor complaint for him is getting used to toting around a medical device all day. I offered to sew pockets inside his pants, but he says that'd be too uncomfortable.:( I should try it, and let him see how it works for him.

Also....yesterday I mentally set an A1C goal for the year. I pray we get there.

The Diabetes Christmas

2011-12-25T02:34:00.000-06:00

When the kids were younger (and so was I)....I would stay up the night before we celebrated Christmas preparing last minute gifts. Whether it be sewing or wrapping or assembling there was always something to keep me up late. This year it's....you guessed it.....diabetes.

J.J. has been really high the past few nights. This requires extra loads of laundry and middle of the night wake up calls by J.J. to dose him. So tonight I edged up his nightly basal a little....a little mind you!! I mean the past few nights we've seen 300's and 400's!!! I kid you not. So yes, a little nudging up of basals was in order.

We assumed he was getting sick. His sister who bunks above him has been vomiting. So we thought: "diabetes always lets us know when a cold, flu, or sickness is headed our way by unexplained highs....so edging up the basals is an o.k. thing....unless HE vomits."

But he hasn't vomited. No....not vomit....thankfully!

He's just sitting in the 50's for the past hour!!! I went to check on him at a quarter to one....AM!! And discovered him at 50. Juice box...30 minutes later....58....juice box...15 minutes later.....59.....juice box...78......and here I am passing the time writing this....waiting to see if that's all he'll need.....TIME...2:20.....A...M!!!

The kids wanted to get up early and open gifts. They know I am NOT an early morning person. Our ~~pessimist~~ realist child informs everyone that gift opening won't commence until NOON!! I think she may be spot on!!

Hold on a minute.....another blood check.

Ahh....finally 130....a little assurance I can get a some shut eye. Although probably not for long......as we watch the pendulum swing the other way from ALL THAT JUICE!!!!

And such is the beginning of a Diabetes Christmas!!

Good night all....and Merry Christmas!:)

Diagnosiversary...Toys for Tots Trek!!!

2011-12-08T22:42:00.001-06:00

It's been FOUR years today since J.J. was diagnosed. FOUR!

We celebrated our usual way by shopping together for Toys For Tots then delivering the gifts to the Kare11 drop off site in the cities!!

Love you Sweetie!!!:)

Getting Back in the Game: Evaluations and Preparations

2011-12-06T17:42:00.001-06:00

Since our last endo visit we've spent some time evaluating our habits to see where we can improve on J.J.'s diabetes care. Here are a few of our observations:

We are trying to dose J.J. BEFORE he eats. Too often he would eat then forget to tell us he ate, or he would get busy, we would get "busy", and forget for an hour or more. I wouldn't say this happened ALL the time, but enough that it makes a difference. So this week we started dosing beforehand. Friday morning I was patting myself on the back for dosing him BEFORE breakfast....until he checked his blood for lunch. A whopping 401!!! WHAT?? Oh yes, that ever so annoying aspect about diabetes: I CAN WORK MY BEHIND OFF CARING FOR J.J. THE BEST WAY I KNOW BUT IN THE END..... THE RESULTS ARE TOTALLY OUT OF MY CONTROL!!! A bright note, however, is that since we've been doing this his numbers seems more in range....however we are seeing more lows.

The other observation we noticed is that with the birth of our son last year I've been less in control of J.J's diabetes than I've ever been. It was hard at first to relinquish control....I was very fearful...but I soon learned that they could "manage" without me as I focused on the issues facing our youngest. They did manage, but I think it's time to get my "game face" on....mainly by recording keeping.

We haven't kept records for J.J. for quite some time. I used to download his meter, and check his numbers quite often. I watched trends and made many adjustments. So, this week I got out the computer program and spent and hour.....TRYING TO GET THE THING TO WORK WITH OUR NEW COMPUTER.....no success. My "extra" time is so limited....so to work on it that long and get NOWHERE......sigh!!! I'm hoping to get it up and running again, but in the meantime I realize I need to start at least getting his numbers down on paper.

I've also spent time this week researching good kitchen scales. We're about due for a new one....we own a cheapy Target clearance scale. I noticed it was off when I tried to ship a package this summer. I'm trying to get one that will give me the carbs to foods...one of the smart scales. I'm not sure which one is the best for our purposes. I posted on a forum but only got one response. Hoping to get that nailed down soon for more accurate carb counting.

Finally.....we're preparing to get J.J. back on the pump. We talked about it with him a few weeks before we went to the endo. Our original plan was to do shots in the summer and pump in the winter. But he absolutely did not want to put the pump back on a couple years ago. So this fall I asked him again what he thought. He was open to it and after our endo visit it looks like we'll go back to it for a bit. However, to do that I need to (re)educate myself on the pump and and get some charting under my belt. I've taken my notes from Pump School and "Pumping Insulin" with me to the gym the past week to refresh my memory. J.J. has been sick for the past month or so, and last week he had a bad chest/croupy type cold, so we wanted to wait to put the pump on him....to get proper readings and such. Our endo gave us the numbers we need to get going again....or at least to start with.

As much as I know all of this is necessary and good for J.J.'s health. I wish there was a good balance. To manage his diabetes well without having life swallowed by...... managing diabetes. I wonder if there is any hope of that happening? Oh well...for now....we'll forge ahead!!:)

Our Bon Jovi-esque Endo Visit

2011-12-01T21:00:00.000-06:00

As J.J. and I walked through the corridor from the clinic to the parking garage it all began to sink in. Her words.... SHOT right THROUGH my HEART. As my mind said those words the Bon Jovi song came popping in as well.....

A shot through the heart

And you're to blame, Darling,

You give love a bad name..

~Bon Jovi

As I sang the song (not out loud!!) the next line hit me. Yes, that's what she was saying.....YOU'RE TO BLAME!!!! She was trying to get to the bottom of J.J.'s ever rising, worse than it's been since his diagnosis A1C. She asked if we dose before or after meals. Then it dawned on me. I had been working on getting J.J. to come find me after he ate so I could dose him. As I explained that to her she said....."It's not his fault. Where are YOU when he eats?" OUCH....that hurt!! We talked a bit more, but in essence she was saying it's our fault and we need to do something about it. Just a friendly reminder that 95% of diabetes care is placed on the parents' shoulders!!

Then the last line of the song began to sink in....YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME....yes, I do...thank you very much. I now see my form crushed by the weight of a semi being peeled off the parking garage floor....thin as a piece of paper. I have no excuse. His care...his diabetes care... is our responsibility....well, mainly mine since I'm here 24/7/365. But I'm one to take on a challenge....to figure out where we need to improve and forge ahead......

....after I have a good cry !!

(actually I'm trying not to cry....it always gives me a sinus headache.....so I'm refusing, yes REFUSING to shed tears...for now!!)

He's Back From Camp!!!!

2011-08-25T11:32:00.000-05:00

J.J. made it home after dark last night. He was super tired and happy to be home. He said he had a good time, but when asked if he wanted to do a whole week next year he said "No, not really." It's an hour and a half from the camp to our house, so by the time I got to him he was done telling his stories....sniff sniff! He liked the pen needles the doctors used, but still doesn't want a pump. He got a load of "goodies" from sponsors, and came home with a tie dyed shirt he did in crafts. Sorry....not too much to tell....maybe I'll get more out of him at some point.....but I doubt it. I'm glad he's home!!

News from CAMP!!!

2011-08-23T14:55:00.001-05:00

This afternoon I nearly jumped out of my chair when I was checking my phone for new e-mail. Molly had sent me a picture of J.J., but my phone was taking FOR.EV.ER to download it. I couldn't wait.....I ran to the computer to see MY BOY!!!

He's pictured with Dixie, Molly's Diabetes Dog!! He says he wants a dog like Dixie too!:)

He looks so good...doesn't he???? Well, I know I'm way biased!! But he does look happy. Molly said he's having a good time.....by the looks of that smile I believe her!

Molly helps out at the camp and said she'd try to find J.J. when she was there. I'm thankful they finally got to meet. Over 2 1/2 years ago Molly sent us supplies for J.J. as he was starting on the pump. A HUGE blessing......and now this!! Thanks again Molly for making my day much brighter!!!

He's At Camp!!

2011-08-21T18:26:00.000-05:00

As we approached the check-in lines J.J. said his stomach hurt and he didn't feel good. I asked him if he was nervous. He said he was. His face was white and I had visions of him vomiting on the grass right there in front of the entrance. But we got to the line and he began to listen to the chatter as kids were introducing themselves and talking about their diabetes, when they were diagnosed, etc. I could tell he was easing up a bit.

We got through the next line where we let the doctors know what his dosages were then headed for his cabin. His head cabin leader was diagnosed at 22 months!! He's been at the camp for 14 years! Plus he plays the guitar....something J.J. told me this morning he wants to do.

We then spent the next hour or so walking around the camp...getting J.J. acclimated. He wanted to head to the river...which includes a steep hill....but he felt low. We had already given the cabin leader his poker, etc. So we headed back to the car to get his diabetes bag. He was 54, so we gave him a juice box. Before we knew it the time was gone and J.J. headed to his cabin while Jason and I headed to a new parents meeting.

In the meeting they tried to ease all our fears....that there is plenty of staff....."probably more than the Hudson Hospital"....the camp director joked. I wanted to cry. Not because of being fearful...or that he wasn't in good hands. Stuff like this doesn't make me fearful. God has J.J....I know that. What made me want to cry was her comments that we can go home hit DQ on the way and not have to count carbs, we are on the front lines all the time...finding test strips EVERYWHERE, carrying a bunch of fruit snacks in the bottom of our purses, getting up at 2 am......basically reminding me that my son has diabetes.....and we can go home and forget about it....take a break from it. That I am dropping my kid off at a camp....not JUST to be a kid and have fun....but a camp designed and equipped to work with diabetes kids. DIABETES!!!

Honestly I don't think much about his diabetes. It's a part of our daily lives. We've adjusted. We live with it....but it doesn't impact me like it did in the beginning. Actually I'm happy to keep it out of my daily "conscience"...but when she was speaking it was a small blow....another reminder.....MY SON HAS DIABETES. I guess I need to tell myself again...."YEAH...well....so what?"

I suppose I coulda skipped that meeting....OH WELL!!

We were walking out and saw J.J. with the rest of his cabin mates.....gave him a big hug and left. I was thankful we took him to two other camps this summer....I think that will help him adjust. He knows how hard the first day is...at any camp...and that once that day is over it gets easier!!!

Jason and I talked about that maybe we should've signed him up for a week instead of the half week, but it's a trial year. If he really wants to go next year we'll have to start a monthly fund for it. We'll see how he likes it!!:)

Three days without diabetes......here we come!!:)

CAMP!!!

2011-08-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

The time has come....J.J. is heading to Diabetes Camp on Sunday!! We decided to only do the half week since it would be his first time away from us, and it's pretty PRICEY!! I'm excited for him, but at the same time a bit worried. I hope he doesn't do a last minute "freak out" and want to stay home. He's been to two other camps this summer, but we've been there to help with his diabetes. I do know he is excited to finally meet some other kids his age that have diabetes. I really hope he makes a friend or two.

STILL A DIRT PIT MANIAC.....

2011-08-04T23:42:00.000-05:00

As you can see.....he still loves to play in the mud!!! Shots are here to stay!!

Why Was This Child Born Blind?

2011-05-26T09:54:00.005-05:00

This month is an emotionally charged month for me. We've gone through a baby dedication for our youngest, a baptism for our 13 year old, an anniversary celebrating 19 years of wedded bliss/perseverance....(hey, I'm a realist, marriage isn't always bliss filled...sometimes it's "stick it out" filled.) In a little over a week I will graduate my first born from home school, and two days later watch her run her first marathon! I have shed many tears in the gym. All tears of joy and amazement. On Sunday, though, our pastor preached on disabilities from John 9:1-4, and I shed more tears.... tears of healing. Just when I think diabetes has been shoved back in my brain, not even detectable....Pastor Piper has to go and preach on children and disabilities!!!

Here are the links to the sermon...I'm trying to embed it here, but I'm not sure it will work!

Why Was This Child Born Blind?

If you have time to watch, listen to , or read the sermon I believe it will be worth your time....especially if you have a child with disabilities or a disease, or know someone who does.

Pastor Piper captured my attention from the start with this line:

"One of the hardest things in life is the suffering of children, and the suffering of those who love them—especially when that early suffering turns into a lifetime of living with profound loss."

Yes, I can say J.J.'s diabetes is one of the hardest things in my life.....and yet....

"We want our lives to reflect an unshakable joy in the Lord that allows us to embrace a life of suffering in disability for His purpose and glory. We want to shout that life with a disability and with Jesus is infinitely better than a healthy body without Him."(Piper reading from the Disabilities Vision Statement)

There is so much in this sermon....I would love to unpack it for you....but I'd botch it up...plus all the kids are sitting in my room waiting for me to finish....ha!!....so.....go listen to it!!:)

I will say.... our family saw more heart healing this weekend for which I'm thankful!! I'm also thankful for Pastor T.R....who, through his counsel led us to Bethlehem where we have found grace filled, gospel infused teaching. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you....and praise GOD!!:)

I'll end with the last line from the online sermon text:

"May God give you eyes to see that the display of his works in his Son’s suffering and your suffering and your child’s suffering are all expressions of his love."

Summer recap...

2010-09-24T16:07:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I've updated ya'll on J.J. and how he's doing. Having spent the past 5-6 months "nesting" my body is finally saying "rest" until this baby shows up. So I have some time to share a few thoughts on the diabetes front.

Summer on shots went incredibly well. J.J. says he never wants to return to the pump. He absolutely hates it. But we tell him, that might change sometime when he's older. We saw the endo the beginning of September and his A1C was the same as it was in May and if we compared his A1C to the previous summer on a pump it was almost a point lower. So.....control isn't the issue.

He started giving himself shots this summer as well. We draw it for him, but he gives it to himself.

Not having the pump has relieved some of the night time stress my husband feels. He does seem to sleep a little better at night. That's not to say we don't still have night time issues. Our nemesis time of "day" has always been overnight. But at least he can get longer chunks of time to sleep.

One issue we encountered this summer was J.J. trying to purposefully go low so he could get a "treat". One day I saw him repeatedly checking his blood, then disappearing, then checking etc. I finally asked him what was going on. He said he was so frustrated that he was in the 200's and he's been riding and riding his bike in hopes of going low. I was like "Whoa, dude....seriously?"

We talked to our endo about it a little bit. The problem is that we don't offer sweets for snacks. He gets sweets, but not on a daily basis....when he gets a snack we direct him to fruit, or graham crackers, or something healthier. But when he goes super low we offer fast(er) acting carbs...candy, juice, popsicles...etc. He wants those things DAILY...as any kid would. The endo was pretty good at talking directly to J.J. and letting him know what he was doing was not good at all. She suggested we offer non-fat milk....a little less "appealing" to him and would encourage him to not PURPOSELY go low.

Well....shortly after this visit J.J. began to go frighteningly low after EVERY meal....without even exercising!!! It began to concern me that he may be developing a secondary condition like celiacs or gastroparesis...where the stomach is really slow to empty. We were increasing and increasing his carb ratios but still seeing the lows. So far we've seen some improvement, but it's still in the back of my mind. His next appointment is in January, where they'll do a full blood workup...celiacs detection being one of them. For now we'll just keep a watch on his symptoms and the lows and if they get worse we'll have to go in sooner.

While at camp J.J. met up with a boy who was caring for his diabetes himself. It was interesting to see how quickly J.J. was drawn to him. I know someday it will be really nice for him to find a friend or two with diabetes.

Well, that's the summer diabetes recap!!

Insurance Melt Down.....

2010-07-21T14:01:00.003-05:00

Being self-employed for the past 12 years we understand the trials of finding insurance that we can afford. Over the years we've generally increased our deductible to afford the premiums. When our premium hiked up over twice it's "normal" hike this year, my husband called to see if there was anything we could do. Unfortunately with J.J.'s diabetes the options are limited, or extremely complicated. We decided to stay in a holding pattern until after the baby came and we had time to really evaluate all our options...especially in light of the new laws.

So you can imagine....well maybe not.....being prego has a lot to do with this story.....my total distress when I opened up a package from "our" (I use that term loosely since we don't even know this guy....he was assigned to us we think!)... insurance agent which had a cover letter stating that we needed to fill out and sign all the highlighted areas and mail it all back with a canceled check ASAP. I was in a little mini-shock. I was thinking Jason HAD to have called this guy....we wouldn't get a packet like that without a call from him to move forward!!

As I thumbed through the packet I was flooded with thoughts of CHANGE......and all that means with J.J.'s diabetes......will he need new insurance, what about all the prescriptions? My mind didn't shut off with all the foreseeable HASSLES that would ensue with a change in insurance. I was... to say the least... OVERWHELMED.....and in tears, thinking...."Doesn't he get this? Doesn't he know that I can't handle this change right now? Doesn't he see that I will take the brunt of this change, and right before a baby....there's no way I can do this....."

O.K....so yeah....I will admit the tears flowed quickly mainly from baby baking, family, & life STRESS....(it was 4-H entry day.....any 4-H mom would understand the STRESS of that!!:). But I was literally bawling. Couldn't stop crying. I did try to call and text Jason, but knew that if he didn't answer he was in a meeting he couldn't leave. So I began to look at the packet more closely.

Some of it didn't make sense. The agent had highlighted the date of renewal which is 6/1/2010, and another line that made it look like we didn't have insurance. But I knew for a fact that our insurance is automatically renewed yearly.....said so in fine print....we just needed to ignore the letter.....which we did. But the way the guy highlighted certain aspects of the letter(dated April 2010).....it made it seem like we were insurance-less.

The other weird thing was that the agent filled out a good couple of pages of the application FOR US!!! Some of it was untrue. Like the very first question is : The applicant and/or any person to be insured has or ever had any of the ineligible medical conditions? The agent circled "N"......well, a quick glance on the insurance website of ineligible medical conditions shows diabetes mellitus as ineligible!!! Another question asked if we'd ever had coverage from this company before......he stated no, but we have had coverage!!

There was so much in the "packet" that didn't make sense for our situation.....it's not a simple look at premiums & deductibles....we have to evaluate the coverage in light of J.J.' specialist visits, his lab work, his prescriptions, etc.

So....anyway, I decided to move on with my day....when Jason called I asked him an indirect question about insurance. He said he hadn't thought about it since he looked at it months ago. I replied, "So you haven't talked to any insurance agent in months, and especially in the last day or two?" NOPE was his answer. I explained to him the package I received and what was in it. He was not a happy camper.....a little miffed with this insurance guy.....and promising me up and down that he didn't authorize nor ask for this CHANGE.

PHEW!!!! Well....I don't have to be upset with him then!!!:) And we know we don't want to deal with this insurance guy in the future......but still this has me wondering about all the new laws, and how they will effect us, and J.J. especially......also has me contemplating all the "research" I'll need to do to ensure we get what's in our (and J.J's) best interests. Sigh......OVERWHELMING!!

BUT.....I can put it out of my mind for now....stick with what I know......and thank Mr. Insurance Man for the sinus headache!!!

Shots vs. Pumps: On trusting YOU!!

2010-07-11T08:12:00.002-05:00

Recently we left a really toxic "system" that subtly encouraged us to abandon all trust in our ability to make wise decisions on our own. They believed that we must follow the advice of the leaders or we were doing it WRONG....when in fact there was no right or wrong. And if we, with our own God given "helper" (read Holy Spirit), made a decision we were at peace with before God, went against what this particular system adhered to, we were ostracized, criticized, and generally looked down upon.

This week I realized that there are many "systems" that do this. Anytime one adheres to a certain viewpoint there is a tendancy to be OVERLY militant in pushing that viewpoint on others. As I began to prepare mentally for this baby I was thrown back into all the WARS going on in the child raising/babydom realm. The article, Cribs Vs. Beds: Parenthood's all-out war, had me laughing and nodding my head (oh....and looking up words in the dictionary!). But it also had me thinking.....Is it this way in the diabetes world? Are there two camps: the Shots and the Pumps? Does each believe that one is exclusively right and if you (making wise decisions) decide to manage differently then you're ostracized...looked down upon?

My own experience has been that a LOT of bloggers are pump users. And they LOVE their pumps....name there pumps, talk to their pumps, some even "endorse" certain pump brands. But are they MILITANT? Do they look down, ostracize shot users? Think shot users need to be "converted" to their "pump think"? Most (that I've encountered) are not militant.....they just love what they love....and are doing what is best for them and their health.

Maybe I am naive...or maybe I don't get out much....which is very true....but if my experience is the "norm".....I hope it stays that way. I hope the SHOTS and the PUMPS always maintain a sense of grace, and understanding that in the diabetes world(at this time in history) there is not a right or a wrong. There is only: what works for you!!

Which leads me to my main point.....TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! Don't listen to any one particular "group think". Yes, listen to the viewpoint of your doctor, but also realize your doctor is NOT in the trenches with you day in and day out. If you are intelligent, educate yourself, and are actually caring for yourself (I'm not talking to the people that ignore their diabetes.)......you will know what is best for you at that particular time. And what is best may change! You may go from shots to pump to shots to pump. Or maybe someday SOON there will be a third or fourth option.....who knows!!

Finally, if you are surrounded by people/doctors/outside voices, that tell you your way is absolutely WRONG, and are NOT gracious......WALK AWAY.....find another doctor, don't read those blogs, get support that isn't so militant. Again, I haven't experienced this in the diabetes realm, but some may have.....some may have a doctor so bent on pumps that if shots is the way they manage best then they may never get the real support needed.

My hope is that there is NEVER a war like the cribs vs. beds. That we can trust our instincts, love what we love and feel works best, without being militant but full of grace. Hugs to everyone in the trenches making these hard decisions!!!:)

So far.....

2010-05-25T18:37:00.003-05:00

.....I'd say our little trial back to MDI is going good!!:)

J.J. is loving the freedom of being able to go out to his dirt pit without having to mess with his pump. It has given him such a sense of freedom I didn't anticipate. I guess I never thought much about how much of a "pain" it is for a little boy to always be "bothered" by an attached medical device 24/7.

One HUGE positive of MDI is that my husband gets a much more restful sleep. We worked extensively with our endo to get J.J.'s nighttime numbers to stabilize on the pump, but we had all resigned to the fact that it wouldn't be possible until he was older. On the pump Jason was getting up 3-4 times a night most of the week.....rarely just once or twice. Since switching to shots he only gets up once or twice a night. A bonus to all of this is that we've seen incredibly good overnight numbers so far.

Another positive is we don't worry so much when we go somewhere that the pump or site will malfunction and I'll have to get home to fix it. When he goes high on the pump we start thinking is it this or that or the other or ???? SO MANY VARIABLES on top of the "normal" diabetes variables. When I'm gone it's harder to troubleshoot. So we both ended up being a lot more relaxed as we stole some time away for ourselves last weekend. (As another bonus.....Jess thought it would be awful switching just before we left town, but she was pleasantly surprised and noticed her stress levels were greatly reduced as well.....and that NIGHT TIME WAS A BREEZE compared to the pump!)

The downsides to MDI so far are......

The shots sting sometimes...especially Lantus.

One time while we were gone J.J. wanted to eat and Jess was off to one of her functions for a bit......so he felt slighted that he couldn't have dinner until Jess returned. This will be remedied soon as the other girls pitch in. He had eaten lunch 2 1/2 hours earlier, and he wasn't low.....so we weren't too worried about him starving!!:)

The last "downside" I'm not sure whether it's kind of a positive as well. The "downside" is when he wants food at odd times.....lots of snacking......or when he wants to add more carbs to his meal that we've already dosed. This may seem like an inconvenience because we hesitate to give another shot for the extra carbs.....but when we think about it.....does he REALLY need it? Is it worth it? On the shots we have to contemplate whether he should have that extra piece of ___________. That is actually a good thing.

So......all that to say....we'll keep going for now!:)

Practice, Practice.....

2010-05-21T12:41:00.003-05:00

When we asked J.J. this morning what it was like not wearing his pump, he jumped in the air and exclaimed......

"I'm free!!!! I feel like a real boy!!"

I expected the "I'm free".....I didn't expect the second line. It made me realize how different he must feel all the time. So....I'll have to add another positive to MDI!!:)

This morning I began teaching the rest of the family how to take care of J.J. on MDI. When J.J. was first diagnosed they were all really too shocked and scared to want to learn. We didn't push them, but hoped they would step up. Eventually they did.....to a point of wondering if it was too much!:) Today they jumped in.....no fears(o.k. a few!)......but they have much more confidence now that they could give a shot without really, really messing up.

I had them practice using an old Lantus vial, used syringes and a clementine. Granted they can't pinch the skin of a clementine, but I had them simulate the effect. I also wanted to make sure they understood what calibration was on the syringe. I would throw out a dosage amount and ask them to draw it up for me. Thankfully I did that, because both of the girls thought the first line was "one" not "zero". So they would have been a unit off!!

J.J. even wanted to give it a try. I drew up the dose and let him inject it. Right now he's a little clumsy, being he's only 7 and his dexterity isn't quite what it will be in a few years......but I think he could do it. I don't think I'd let him draw up the insulin yet, but we shall see! For now he's where he should be.......out in the dirt pit......FREE...to be....a REAL BOY!!!!:)

Decisions, Decisions....

2010-05-20T19:40:00.002-05:00

Making medical decisions can be so stressful. Maybe it's because we often don't know what course of treatment truly is best. Which route will be better in the long run.....or even short term. Jason and I daily make decisions and judgment calls concerning J.J.'s care, but today we decided to go pumpless and give shots a try again.

This morning we had J.J.'s endo check-up. His A1C was a titch higher, but nothing to complain about. We went into the appointment knowing we would ask the Dr's opinion on going back to shots for the summer and getting all the details/prescriptions we needed to give it a try again. She stated that many families here, especially ones that own lake/cabin property end up switching to shots in the summer. With the heat, sand, and water the pumps don't make much sense.

Granted we don't have lake/cabin property, but we might as well. J.J. finally filled his dirt pit with water and we started the daily routine of taking off of his pump and the constant showering. It's also warmed up....so even if he does have his pump on the exposure to the heat makes the insulin less effective and/or predictable. Every time we take the pump off it seems to get air bubbles in the tubing, so we have to prime it, plus his infusion sites get "gritty", making it hard to get the connections to work properly without ripping it out.

I think it would be one thing if J.J. were a screen or book junkie. His days wouldn't involve tremendous amounts of dirt and water and he'd probably stay inside where it's cooler, but right now and for most of the summer he's around dirt, heat, and water. It's just the way it is.

The other major factor in our decision was that with him on the pump we go mindless. We RARELY evaluate numbers or trends or anything until that 3 month endo appt rolls around and we wonder how he's doing. I know even on the pump we should do that, but we just don't. When we were forced to log on MDI we tended to care for him better.

So the decision was made and we jumped in fast. The endo gave us a sample of Lantus so we really didn't have to invest any money in this trial run.

I was all fine with the decision until I had to give that first shot of Lantus this afternoon. I forgot how much it stings compared to the Novolog. He teared up and asked me "Why? Why do I have to go through this?" If that doesn't make a Mom's heart prick....man alive!! I tell ya....where's the Kleenex!!?? I explained that we're just trying it out again...... to see how it goes. See if he likes it, if we like it, if he's more stabilized, etc. Yeah, but he doesn't care anything about our reasoning...he cares about pain!!!!

And there began the list of the cons of going to shots.......the pain involved....instead of getting poked once every three days it's back to 4-6X's a day. And what about the other family member's involvement.....only our oldest can give shots......and they'll have to do the math now....the pump won't figure it out for them. Our anniversary is in a couple of days.....we wanted to sneak away....how will that work with J.J. on shots? He's only been on the pump when we've been gone!! So many more details flooded my brain.......grrrrr!!

Sooooo.........

Who knows??? This decision to go back to MDI may only last a week.....or 2 days if my emotions have any say in it. But I know we have thought long and hard, and for now we'll give it another SHOT!!(Pun intended!:)

Floating......

2010-05-14T10:56:00.002-05:00

I can always tell when an endo appointment is just around the corner. I can tell because something always goes haywire with his numbers or we do something really incredibly dumb that we have to explain to the endo. This time it was something really incredibly dumb.

Wednesday night after the baptism service at church J.J. pulled on my shirt and said, "Mama, they're serving root beer floats."

I was busy chatting away with friends we hadn't seen in awhile, but I managed to say my typical,
"Well, check your blood, Bud."

I vaguely heard the result.....low 100's.....good number...o.k...."You can have a root beer float, bud."

I was fully expecting him to get in line himself, but he was patiently waiting, because he even knew that carbs would need to be counted!!

While still chatting away we went through the line, grabbed our root beer floats, ate(or is it drank?) our root beer floats, etc. But while I was chatting I kept chanting in my head, "We need to dose for that, we need to dose for that. Is Jason going to do it? Jason, he'll do it.....but he's talking, too. We need to dose for that." (As a side note....we've both forgotten to dose J.J. after meals lately....and every time we feel like total clods!! I finally begged J.J. (as well as the other kids) to use their young, fresh, non-pregnancy brains to help me remember to dose.)

Time went on, and J.J. wanted to play basketball in the gym with the other boys.....there was my chance to break away from the conversation to make sure he was dosed. He was!!! PHEW!!! Jason had remembered. All's good!!!

But lets back up a minute. This whole time I'm thinking....."Wow, regular pop and ice cream....this is gonna be a doozy to treat....". I walked through the line oblivious to what the church was serving.....(in my defense I had quite a few people coming up to me besides the one conversation I was in.......so there were a lot of distractions....but really I have no defense because his care is in my hands!!:()

When we get in the car Jason informs me that there were DIET root beer floats being served as well!!!! DIET?????? If ya'll know the carb difference between regular and diet you know the GASP!!!! that went through my head. Jason said he THOUGHT J.J. took a regular so he dosed for the regular.

I guess I don't need to go into much more detail....J.J. had indeed taken a diet....and we know this because from 10 pm to 1pm we saw numbers in the 30's & 50's....he received 3 juice boxes and milk.....before we saw a 104!! (As a side note.....trying to dose at night while being pregnant is really hard....he's dead weight, and in the past I would lift him and lean him into my body, but with a growing belly it's not easy! Thankfully Hannah was still up writing in her journal and was able to help me!!)

So, yes, we will have to explain to our endo AGAIN that we did something really incredibly dumb!!! Unfortunately J.J. was the one "floating" from this mistake....more like "sloshing" from all the liquids we gave him!!:(

Diabetes.....forever teaching us!!

2010-04-08T08:38:00.004-05:00

The May issue of Reader's Digest arrived this week. On the cover was a picture of Michael J. Fox with the headline "What my illness taught me". I was compelled to read the article.....which was really good....but after reading it, I began to contemplate all the life lessons diabetes has taught us. Some of the life lessons I've shared on this blog, but I'm realizing that the lessons never seem to end. As I face new and difficult challenges the lessons I've learned from J.J.'s diagnosis are being applied.

This week the application had to do with my pregnancy. It seems like this pregnancy is finally becoming somewhat of reality. Up until this point I've refused to let my heart even think beyond the particular day or week I happened to be in the pregnancy......losing four does that to ya!!! Even at 12 weeks when the doc was trying to talk to me about decisions that needed to be made concerning genetic testing, etc......I couldn't listen to her....and I told her as much. I was living only in that second, not 5-6 weeks from then. However, with the reality that I am indeed pregnant I am now forced to think beyond week 15!!!

Seems like when you turn 40 all sorts of red flags go off in OB's heads. Like nothing is NORMAL now. Pregnancy, which is a perfectly normal thing, becomes a disease or illness. So I'm considered HIGH RISK for like.....EVERYTHING!!! And you know what? It began to FREAK ME OUT!!!!

Downs syndrome, neural tube defects, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, twins, premature babies.....yada, yada, yada.......the list seems endless. And...as a side note.... what's even more scary to me right now......THIS BABY IS GONNA HAVE TO COME OUT SOMETIME!!!! Having five children doesn't make me want to rush to the delivery room that's for sure!! I don't know about you, but I'm not fond of pain!!!

So as the weight of all this came crashing down, and the absolute FEAR that gripped my heart, and the tears that were shed over possibly carrying a downs child or severely handicapped child.......my heart didn't say "No! God!! No!!" as I had with J.J., my heart now said "Lord I trust You!" And that's what I've been saying all week.... "Lord, I trust You."

And instead of thinking "Oh, I couldn't have a child like that. I'm not cut out for THAT." or "What a shame to parent a child with __________." I was thinking "Wow, it would be hard, but think of how it would change us. What God could do through that." So I began to welcome it....I began to think of another "disability" as a badge of honor, not a code of shame.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would NEVER have thought those thoughts without having gone through what we've gone through with J.J. God taught us to welcome trials, to embrace them and glory in them and see the beauty in them. Too see them as His instrument in refining us for eternity.....to make us more like Christ. He taught us that as we go through them, He is there....Psalm 23!! Lest you think I'm painting some rosy picture..... He taught us that in the earthly sense the trials can and will be HARD & PAINFUL......Yes, God is with us but we will still FEEL the flames of the refining fire!!! He's taught us to ACCEPT what He chooses to bring into our lives. He's taught us not only to ACCEPT but to be filled with JOY AND GRATITUDE. Really??? Joy and gratitude over diabetes, death, disability??? Yes... JOY!!! Yes....GRATITUDE!!!

And the lessons never cease!! There are more.....too many to list....and I keep adding to the list.....as I'm sure Michael J. Fox does. Diabetes is forever with us.....teaching us.....changing us!! Thank-You God....for diabetes.....for without it... and the lessons we've learned, this week of fears would have crushed me.

Another D-Mom I love to read......

2010-04-01T13:28:00.005-05:00

I've been reading Katie's blog since the beginning of my blogging endeavors. Her son, Richard O., was diagnosed the same month J.J. was. She always seems to put to words my thoughts and feelings better than I can. Her last post was no exception. To understand where we are at......read this!!:)

Sibling Care: How much is too much?

2010-03-02T10:46:00.004-06:00

Today my first baby turns 17!! SEVENTEEN....seems like yesterday she was born. She has learned J.J.'s diabetes through watching us, asking questions, and being willing to be an active part of J.J.'s care. Not all siblings would be as active as she is. I realize that, and thus I realize what a humongous blessing she (and her other sisters) are to us. But I question.....how much is too much? When is the weight of this disease too much for a 17 year old to carry....when she isn't the one with the disease? How much can we put on her shoulders?

I definitely had these questions the weekend Jason and I were able to get away. SHE was THE reason we were able to go. The first 24 hrs went smoothly. We had constant contact with her and answered any diabetes care questions over the phone. We were less than an hour away, so we knew we could be home at anytime to fully take over if she needed us.

The second night, however, is when the care became more difficult. The children were staying at a friends house, but they hadn't stayed there before. J.J. had anxiety issues......shown only by higher BG numbers. But at the time we didn't know what was causing the highs. Unfortunately all of this started right at bedtime!!! The worst time to deal with diabetes highs!!!(or lows for that matter!!)

We could tell the pressure was getting to Jessica. Even though we could guide and direct, she was feeling the weight we feel. She was carrying the burden of waking up every hour to make sure he came down. She was carrying the burden of trying to make sure the infusion site was still attached and the tubing didn't have air bubbles. She was there...not sleeping....tired.....lonely. We were NOT THERE....taking phone calls hourly....awake...tired...scared....wondering..."Do we go pick him up?" "Will he come down?" "This is too much for her.....did we do the right thing?"

Even though Jess was more at ease in the morning, in spite of the fact that she had to continually dose with a syringe throughout the night, my mind still wrestles with......HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? And even though as I voiced my concerns her reply was, "It's all good Mom. I get a glimpse into what you and Dad have to go through." I still wonder......HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

I may never really know the answer to that question....or maybe one day when Jess is older, maybe married with kids.....I'll ask her......WAS IT TOO MUCH FOR YOU? And her reply will be "Yeah, maybe.....just a little."

FOOTNOTE:
I finished writing this post when I asked Jess to proofread it. I didn't want to write about her, without her approval. She reads it and chuckles....."Dad asked me the same question this morning when we went to breakfast." SEE....it's on his mind too!!! I then asked her what her answer was. This was the gist of her reply....(or the beginning at least)....

"Yeah, it is hard, but I know that. I also know if I never challenge myself to do hard things I'll never grow. It's in those hard things of life where people grow the most. I also would hate to not do it because of how much it means to you and Dad........"

And this is where it trails off because my mind just couldn't wrap around the maturity I was hearing from her. I interrupted her and said "You are wise beyond your years."

So maybe she's actually given me the answer to the question "How much is too much?" when it comes to siblings caring for their diabetes brother or sister. The answer is "It depends." Depends on the sibling. Diabetes is a hard disease.....whether a sibling is willing to take on the challenge and carry the weight really depends on them, their attitude, their willingness to help, their maturity level etc. It will be different for each sibling.....as I can attest to in this household.....not every sister takes on the same amount of responsibility. Each family has to work it out as best they can. Some may never want to give any responsibility to the siblings....or the siblings may never want the responsibility, some...like us....consider it a privilege to have the extra help.

Thanks Jess.....and thanks Hannah, Sarah, (and sometimes Allison).... for helping us manage J.J.'s diabetes. You are a huge blessing to us!!! We love you!!!

HAPPY 7th J.J.!!!!!

2010-02-18T14:45:00.004-06:00

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

Blackness....

2010-02-17T05:35:00.003-06:00

The first weekend in February Jason and I took a weekend away(which really needs a whole separate blogpost on how we managed to get away). Just him and I.....and about 145 other couples. We attended a marriage retreat hosted by our church. The main speaker was Paul Tripp.

At one point Mr. Tripp was driving home the fact that "out of the heart the mouth speaks". Or our actions are not a result of the circumstances around us, but what is already deep within our hearts. To illustrate this, he held up a water bottle with cap off. He proceeded to shake the bottle enough that some of the water spilled out. Yes, the shaking caused spillage! But what came out was what was already in there!! WATER! Not milk, not pop......WATER! The molecular structure of the water wasn't going to change because there was an outside force causing the water to come out.

His main point being that each and every one of us have a deep blackness in our souls. Eventually circumstances will cause this corruption to come flowing out.....in anger, harsh words, selfishness, greed etc. But it's not the circumstances that are the problem......it's what's inside that's the problem that needs resolving.

Have I lost you yet? I hope not.....it gets better!!

So as he's speaking my mind went to our marriage....this is a marriage retreat, right? Then I went to the blackest point in our marriage....where all the ugliness came crashing to the surface. Then I thought of the circumstances surrounding the ugliness. BAM!! There is was......DIABETES!!! We were 9 months into the disease. Just beginning the pump!! Yes, PUMP START!! Meaning no sleep and crazy, whacky diabetes results...OH.... and the STRESS!!

The circumstance....DIABETES.....but in reality the diabetes was just a circumstance. It wasn't the reason for the blackness....the reason was already within both of us.

So here is where it gets better.....

Mr. Tripp went on to show us that it's a good and loving God who constantly allows these circumstances in our life to expose more of what is in our hearts so that we can be more holy. So that we can be washed "whiter than snow". So that we will take what has just surfaced and claim Jesus's blood and righteousness. Because we, in and of ourselves CANNOT change our heart.....only by accepting what Jesus did for us on the Cross can our hearts be cleansed. And the fact being that it's a constant cleansing......more ugliness will surface....daily! (For you theologians reading this I'm mainly talking about the process of sanctification here!:)

Recently we had a person remind us of the blackness of 18 months ago. I read the words thinking...."Wow!! Look what had surfaced!!!" Time had faded my memory of the actual words and actions. I carefully scanned my heart for anything I had yet to confess or relinquish to the Cross. Most, if not all, I had already, but the reality of the blackness made me go back to the Throne of Grace one more time. And it was there...... I rejoiced!!!

God is good and faithful and just and loving and kind and...and....and.... He can take the ugliness of a horrible disease called diabetes, and more importantly he can take the blackness of our hearts and turn it into something beautiful. He exposes our failings, not to harm, but to heal. He brings HOPE where there seems like there is none!!

So yes, while the divorce rate increases dramatically for those of us who happen to have a child with a chronic disease......it's not the disease that's the issue!!!! The issue is our hearts....they're black!!! The issue is that we are all in need of a Savior. We all need cleansing. We all need Jesus! I'm thankful, now more than ever, for what His blood has done to redeem the blackness exposed by diabetes.

UGH......Pizza

2010-02-16T08:22:00.006-06:00

What was I thinking when I ordered pizza? Wait, I was thinking. That's the scary part. I broke all my pizza rules last night.....ALL OF THEM!!

Rule #1
When husband is out of town, and not able to help with the night shift, DO NOT feed J.J. pizza....especially take out pizza!!!

Rule #2
If pizza is unavoidably on the menu DO NOT feed it to him late in the evening. NEVER past 5 pm if possible!!

Rule #3
NEVER NEVER allow him to have milk or any extra carbs if he's eating pizza.....a diet soda or water will work just fine!!!

So as I sat at the dinner table at 7:36 pm (yes I noticed the clock!) and watched J.J. eat the last of his pizza and sip the last of his milk I contemplated what I had just done. For sure the dual wave will cover this 104 carb meal......two pieces of pizza, breadstick and milk!!! For sure he'll stay steady and I won't be up all night.......for sure....

When he went to bed at 10 pm he was 154!!!! YES!!!! VICTORY!!! AWESOME!!!! Dual wave.... YOU'RE THE BEST!!!

The victory was short lived however. By 12:30 am he was in the 320's!! He stayed that way for the next 3 hours.....with me checking and dosing every hour.

BLASTED PIZZA!! I have to wonder......is it the dough? Does it hold itself back.....mocking me....

"Hee, hee, hee.....you think you've got this figured out! Well, we're gonna wait. Wait for you to go to bed then.... WHAM!!! We're going to enter the bloodstream baby! He won't know what hit him!!"

OR

Is it the fat in the cheese mocking the dough?

"What do you think you're doing? WE are going to DIGEST FIRST. So just hold your pretty little dough horses, cuz we're first in line for the duodenum!"

Either way..... I think I learned one huge lesson last night.....take-out pizza packs a bigger punch than frozen pizza. Must be the higher fat....or could it be thicker dough?

I also think J.J. said it best at the 3:30 am check. When I walked into the room his eyes were open. He told me he had just gotten up to go to the bathroom.

"Yeah....Bud....you've been high all night. I'm surprised you didn't wake up earlier from all the moisture."

His response.....I wish I could give it the proper voice inflection....but his response with a hand thrown above his head was:

"UGH!......Pizza!"

Endo Appt #....(Oh who's counting anymore?)

2010-02-11T14:50:00.002-06:00

Monday we set out early for J.J.'s 3 month endo visit. We debated even going, considering the snow storm and the amount of time it would take us. Normally a 1:15 minute drive took us 3 hours. We were an hour late!!! We called en route to let them know we were coming, hoping they would still see us. Our endo (I LOVE HER!!) said she would see us no problem!

The office was like a ghost town. Normally a very active clinic now had the lights dimmed, and very few people milling about. Turns out JJ was her only patient that morning. The nurse said they had a ton of cancellations. Well, good for us!! That means first class treatment!! As if we don't receive it normally.:)

The appointment was very routine. Great news is that his A1C is down from 8.2 to 7.7!! Awesome for us to see it come down on the pump. We were beginning to wonder. She helped us try to figure out our trouble spots!! Nights as usual are still bad and recently when he goes out to play in the snow he goes low. It's amazing what a little activity can do the the BG's!

Real Estate Issues

One new development was a lump on the bum!!! She found one on the upper quadrant of his left cheek. She showed me how to recognize it and had me feel for it. She asked if he wasn't feeling his site changes as much or would he direct me toward that spot for the site change? Sure enough....his site changes were becoming a breeze. What has happened is that he's kind of formed a "callous" of sorts. We've used that particular area so much that the insulin can't absorb as well and it's formed a "lump". He doesn't feel the site changes as much there, so he's always telling me to "go higher". She said the lump should go away, but we can't use a pretty large area of his small bum......we're losing good real estate!!!! Hopefully it will dissipate quick so we can rotate that site back in.

Since we had extra time with our endo we got in a discussion about "prevention" of diabetes. I had recently read an article in the "Diabetes Forecast" that said if a woman ate veggies every day of her pregnancy her child was half as likely to get diabetes. But those that only ate veggies 3 times a week had a 50% increase in risk. I was skeptical of the findings. But also there's a big push for Vitamin D supplements especially in Northern climates.....what's up with that? Well, she had some interesting information to share.

First the veggies thing. She said studies like that are so hard to pinpoint any one thing unless you begin to look at a lot of other factors. Since the "research" only studied veggies and nothing else, it really can't conclude a whole lot. She said about ten years ago she studied all the available studies out at the time and none of them could pinpoint any one factor for prevention.....like say we know that folic acid is important for pregnant women.

"....it is good for the eyes to see the sun!"(Ecc. 11:7)

However, she said one thing they have determined is that the closer people live to the equator the less people are diaganosed with type 1. And that they've tracked people groups that normally reside near the equator having a lower rate of diagnosis, but once that people group is moved closer to a polar region their rates increase. Thus all the research into Vitamin D....a vitamin we get most from the sun!! Their clinic now is recommending all kids get supplemented or make sure they take in 4 glasses of milk a day. She didn't say that taking Vit D would "prevent" type 1 (they just haven't proven that yet!), but most kids are deficient in it, especially us Minn-e-soh-tans!!!!

So......my thought......considering the LONNGGGG drive in a snow storm.....is that a move to a tropical location is in order!!! Equator here we come!!!!!:)

First Major Illness Since 2007

2010-01-08T15:50:00.007-06:00

It all started Saturday morning. J.J. didn't finish his breakfast. Said he didn't feel good. He didn't look good. I called for Jason, since he was the one that managed his breakfast that morning. Not a big deal, diabetes wise. Jason had put him on a dual wave, so he turned that off. All was good....kinda.

By noon, Jason was gone, and I was thinking about heading to the gym. The girls informed me that J.J. had fallen asleep and had been asleep for a couple of hours. My thoughts at the time were...... "Wow!! Okay then. I guess I won't be going to the gym. Time for the IKEA ice trays!!!"

These ice trays only come out for stomach flu symptoms. When my kids were little we would get a ton of vomiting illnesses. Well, maybe not THAT many, but with the illness sweeping through all of us it would seem overwhelming. It was so hard to get little ones to understand that they couldn't eat, but they needed to drink little bits of fluid to stay hydrated until they felt better. So I began using these "special" trays.

Not being sure whether J.J. would need carbs or not I decided to put diet pop in some and juice in others. That way I could be prepared to keep him hydrated depending on his blood glucose numbers.

He woke up hungry, and since he hadn't actually vomited, we fed him what he was hungry for.....sausage and yogurt!!! WEIRD I know, but hey....he kept it down while he slept some more on the couch. By late afternoon though, I had noticed that he had very little fluids going in him, so he needed to drink!!! MISTAKE! He drank a glass of water, then ate more sausage!!

The family had just sat down to the dinner table, with J.J. still on the couch, when he suddenly stood up and gave me the scariest look I've seen since he was in the hospital. He had to vomit!!! He didn't know what to do since he was only 4 the last time he actually did this. I pointed to the bathroom and said "RUN!" But he didn't make it.:(

So that's when it began......it was officially official......we were dealing with a vomiting child who happens to have diabetes. Something I knew eventually would happen, but something that hadn't happened YET. So my mind was racing....actually it went into overdrive. I've dealt with vomiting....but this was NEW....this was SCARIER.....this was......

"OK...vomit. We have vomit. We have vomit on the floor, on the walls, in the door jam. J.J. has vomit on him. Vomit."

So far.....pretty normal thoughts.....

"Uh, oh.....insulin. When was the last time he was dosed? How much carbs did he have? Wait....are there carbs in the vomit?"

Yep.....the D-Mom thoughts emerge!!

"No....looks like water and sausage. No yogurt. Oh praise God!!! The yogurt digested."

I found my diabetes sickday notes and began the process of monitoring.

"OH CRUD.....KETONES!! We have to check for ketones. Do we have any strips? Of course we have strips.....I was Girl Scout by golly.....of course we have strips.....but how many? And where is his BG at....I shoulda checked that before he got in the shower. Do I have enough cubes ready....but what kind will I need? BG? What is his BG? Wait, I'm hungry...food, I need food."

The rest of the evening I charted (more closely) his BG numbers, fluid intake, carb. intake, and whether or not he was throwing ketones! I made sure he was getting an ice cube and sips of juice(BG's were in a good range, no ketones), every 20-30 minutes or so. Hydration was my goal since he had no ketones....thankfully!

He kept everything down and slept good that night. He woke up chipper and ready to conquer the world on Sunday. We thought we were in the clear......until.....

Monday.....the coughing started. His BG numbers began to skyrocket. He's had horrible chest congestion this week and it's been hard to keep his numbers down. He's on a 200% basal rate and we "overdose" for his carbs.....meaning we give him more insulin that we normally would for the same amount of carbs. He's only seen the 100's a few times this week. I hope he can shake this virus, but for now we continue to do what we can to monitor the illness....... and the diabetes.

BIG DEAL....

2010-01-08T13:46:00.003-06:00

Our pastor's wife posted this on her blog today. I 've seen this young man before on another show....so encouraging!! May we be raising our D-sons/daughters to say, "I have diabetes....BIG DEAL!!"

Toys for Tots 2009

2009-12-07T23:08:00.008-06:00

As you may or may not know, last year we started a tradition in this family in honor of J.J.'s diagnosiversary. As a family we go shopping for Toys for Tots and drop off our donations at Kare 11 News. You can read about last years adventure here, and why we even started this tradition here.

Toys for Tots fund raising materials J.J. was featured in!!

As a quick side note, before I talk about our evening......TFT's used my story from last year for their fund raising efforts this year. J.J.'s pic and story went out to over 300,000 homes in hopes of raising funds for this years drive. I hope everyone will consider donating.....if not toys.... financially!!:)

Alrighty....on to the evening......

This year we started off with a quick bite to eat at Subway. I preached while my hubby showed the girls how to put straws together so they could "share" their pop from across the table! I jokingly told them they'll always remember the lesson on straws but not mine!! Oh well....one day they'll come back to Matthew 7 and vaguely remember I (with Jessica's help....I can't remember a thing these days!!) was pointing them to verses 9-12 where it talks about how we as parents know how to give good gifts to our children, and that's a natural desire we have as parents. How God has given us the ultimate gift in His Son, Jesus. And then how we should treat others the way we want to be treated. Then I was over in Matthew 25 where Jesus points out that how as we help others in need it's as if we've done that deed to Jesus Himself. Wow.....now as I type I can see why my kids won't remember.....I'm all over the board....yep, they'll remember the straws for sure!!!
So....back to the evening.....we then headed to WallyWorld and shopped away. This year the kids knew what to expect and got right down to business. Jess used a good chunk of her giving money, so she went off in search of more of the teen specific items. Hannah ventured off in the camera/movie dept. while we stayed in the toy area.

Our carts were loaded and our trunk was full so we headed to Kare11 for the drop off. This time I remembered to have the Marine Reserves in the photo-op!!

The kids really enjoy this tradition. I hope you will consider making it one in your family! You don't need to go all out as we do....but even one gift truly does mean a lot to not only the child but to the parent!! The parent MORE SO.....for we all desire to give good gifts to our children.....and when we can't or when we're in one of life's blindsides Toys for Tots can help. Just......

..........ONE TOY!!

In the HEAT of the Night??

2009-12-02T18:28:00.003-06:00

Night checks....a nightly routine in this home. Our endo is helping us all she can to "stabilize" J.J.'s night-time numbers....but without CGMing it's going to continue to be routine in our household. Hubby has taken on the routine as a true knight would. I stay up as late as I can, but then he takes over 'til the morning light. When he's out of town I realize how blessed I am to have his help.

As I found out last night, cold weather and night checks do not mingle. I was all warm and snug in my bed...actually in a deep sleep....dreaming away.......when....

BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!

We all recognize that annoying sound!!

My first thought AFTER I turned off the alarm was.....

"NO.....IT'S COLD!! I don't want to get out of bed. I'll be freezing when I get back."

But then I remembered the birthday present my HUSBAND got ME for MY birthday a few weeks ago......

A HEATED MATTRESS PAD!!!

I turned it on to the highest setting and shuffled off to check J.J.'s blood, confident that when I returned I would instantly warm up. I was not disappointed!! My feet warmed up fast and the chill quickly dissipated. I was able to drift back to sleep quickly.

But before I fell asleep it dawned on me WHY my husband had bought this for MY birthday!! I hadn't asked for it, and rarely do I get cold once I'm snuggled in bed. HE was the one that needed it most of the time!! Last night I'm glad he bought it for ME.

So all you D-Moms and Dads doing night checks in the CHILL of the night.....consider a heated mattress pad!!!

Knowing.....

2009-12-01T14:18:00.005-06:00

Oh.... to be able to blog all that is my head!! I often wish my brain had a little recorder attached and would spew forth into a computer when I wanted it to. I have wanted to write a lot and often...but I haven't. I do hope to get more out....in fact I know I NEED to be writing more. It has it's healing effects.

Today I wanted to write about how God has expanded our hearts to disabilities/diseases of all kinds....and the instant connection we have with other parents of children with diseases. Notice I said "OUR HEARTS".....our entire family. I love what diabetes has done to change who we are. I wouldn't return diabetes for a second if it meant I would have to return the changed hearts. I just wouldn't. I'm sad it took diabetes to enlarge our hearts, but God knew what it would take and I trust Him. So here is our story.......

I was working in the nursery at our church with my two oldest daughters. We were each in separate rooms, and decided to meet up in the hall when we were done. As I approached the girls they were talking to a mom with a boy in a stroller and another one a bit older. I came into the conversation late, so I politely stood back, but began to listen as my daughter was apologizing AGAIN to this mom. I thought..."Uh, oh...what happened?"

Turned out my daughter ate her graham cracker next to her son who has a rare genetic disease which makes him severely "allergic" to milk. This mom was telling my girls about the disease, so I stepped in and listened intently. In Minnesota they test for this disease at birth, but not all states do. In fact they were from Montana, but she had come back for her mother's funeral and went into labor. Thankfully he was born here, or he might not be alive, or severely challenged. They had to buy special milk for him that was $1000 a month---insurance did not pay!!(sound familiar?) They ended up moving to MN and guess who their neighbor happens to be?? One of the handful of doctors specializing and researching the disease this boy has.

The girls and I listened totally engrossed in her explanation of the disease and her unique story. I'm sure at the time the mom felt she was doing her duty....educating, sharing.....etc....like I've done many times when someone sees J.J.'s pump. As I talk, I wonder if it all falls on deaf ears or should I be wasting my breath, or do I seem completely pathetic....etc. I'm pretty sure she was thinking the same things. How do I know?.....her demeanor. She was in educating mode for sure....thinking, yeah, these people really don't want to know, or are clueless.

We were beginning to depart when she said "Yeah, even he (pointing to the older son) has learned to read nutrition labels. He's learning the disease and understands it." Up to this point I didn't see any need to tell her our son has type 1. This was her story....which was amazing...and I felt no need to say anything. But that line struck with me. So I returned with, "Yeah, I know what you mean. Our 6 year old son has type 1 diabetes and my older girls know how to care for him."

That's when it all changed.....her face...her demeanor... all shouted....."YOU KNOW!!!" She took a step toward me and asked me if I knew a friend of hers who has a daughter with Type 1, then asked if I "have to count carbs and all that at every meal." She asked a few other questions....then she said "What is your name? I'm _______". We shook hands.....no more "educating"......bonding. We have a bond......not the same disease, but a bond....a KNOWING.....an UNDERSTANDING. Not much was said after that but the instant connection and demeanor change has stuck with me.

So I am thankful for diabetes. I'm thankful diabetes made my daughter sensitive to this mom and her son's condition. I'm thankful I can have an instant bond with a mom I've NEVER met. I know when I see her again, we'll have that KNOWING connection.....and we'll ask each other how we're doing. Because we KNOW!!

Goodnite....I WISH.....

2009-09-28T00:10:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to tell everyone we found a solution to J.J.'s dermatitis problem(you can read about it here.) Shortly after the last endo appointment I went on a quest to find something J.J. could wear at night other than diapers. Besides we couldn't even find a diaper that would fit him anyway....and we weren't going to go through a medical supply company to buy something in his size.

What I did find are Goodnites. They are for bedwetting, so they keep the moisture away from his skin. Plus the really awesome thing is that they contain everything really well. Almost eliminated the daily sheet washing....which is what we did when we ran out of the Goodnites and went to Pull-ups as a back up.....NOT GOOD!

The only drawback is that they are more expensive than diapers or pull-ups.....so while it's an awesome thing to find something that works, it's hard forking out the extra dollars. We've gotten an online coupon and a sample that had another coupon which helped.....but if all my friends and family would keep an eye out for coupons to these I'd really appreciate it. Every dollar or two counts!:)

I wish I could say it is a "goodnite" here....but unfortunately I am able to punch out this blog post because I'm waiting to check J.J. in another hour. It's was a long, tiring day....(btw, J.J.'s class went great...the teachers seem comfortable caring for him).....and just as I'm ready to slip in bed I check J.J. one last time only to find him in the 400's!!! It's another "head scratcher"......like, WHAT? HOW??? WHY???? I put him to bed at 9:30 pm in the low 100's....thinking he might tank because he was only on the insulin for an hour, hubby checks him at 10:30.....180's.....doses for the 180....thinking WOW, he's going up too fast....... I check him at 11:30 450!!!! ARGH......

R O A
O C S
L R T
L E E R !!!!!!!!

Well...such is our odd life...but at least he is wearing his GOODNITES!!!!:)

Diabetes On My Mind........

2009-09-24T20:24:00.003-05:00

I have the Willie Nelson song "Always On My Mind." floating in my head for some reason..... Willie had a woman in mind when he wrote that song......duh!! I, however, have diabetes floating in my mind. So I come here now to purge my mind and maybe, just maybe I might have a few lone readers out there who can help with a small "new"situation, and will understand when I reveal my heart about an "old" situation.

First, the new.....we are now attending a much larger church which has a Sunday school that is a lot like a school type setting. It's an hour and a half .....so not a lot of time. I'm really kicking myself, however, for not listening to our CDE's and Endo as they talked about "school plans". We were asked if we needed any....and being homeschooled J.J. really didn't need any sort of school plan then....but now....??

I sat in the class last week because J.J. wanted me to....but after about 5 minutes I could tell he didn't need me. My biggest concern wasn't about him liking or not liking the class....my biggest concern was WILL THERE BE A SNACK? Yes, there is snack time....

So.....this week I've been training J.J. how to dose himself with the pump. He understands the concept but my concern is that he still gets his numbers mixed up. Like instead of putting in 25 carbs he'll put in 52.

Other concerns have popped in my head.....like him having to use the bathroom a lot because of highs. Or what about lows? So basically I've decided I need to give the teacher a sheet with just the basics. BUT....what are the basics? I've perused some of the 504 plans on the internet, but those seem so extensive for a simple Sunday School class. This feels like one of those dreaded writing assignments in high school.....the ones where you have to start with an outline and you have no clue how to even organize the outline. UGH!!!

In the end I know it will all be fine.....because he actually wanted to go back to the class and really liked his small group leader......that's something new for him....I'm excited to see him branching out!! Diabetes will just have to take a backseat.....once I finish my writing assignment! If anyone knows of any quick forms people have used for caregivers, babysitters etc....please...do share!!

Now...."old" business.....A year ago this time we were dealing with a pump start .....so my mind is going back to this time last year. Not a good time....but I feel like we've come through a major storm and we can at least see a break in the clouds. Which is good. All good. However, seeing how his A1C rising makes me think that we've really been slacking in managing his diabetes on the pump. I'm thinking I need to get back to journaling his numbers and making more course corrections like we did on shots. But really.... do I want diabetes.....

ALWAYS ON MY MIND???

Because I feel like that is what it takes to get the incredibly good A1C's.....hey, at this point just a good A1C would be nice.

Finally......last week driving home from the gym the radio station did it again.....played that song.....THE SONG.....Why oh why? I BAWLED my eyes out!! I got home.....song still going....parked in the garage and continued to bawl. J.J. was spying on me!! He popped his gorgeous little head up to the window....then asked why I was crying. I told him, "It's the blasted song!! Can't hear it without crying." He said, "Oh...the one about the boy in the hospital?" Yep...that one....get's me every time!!! EVERY TIME!! He got in my lap and gave me a huge squeezer and ran away unphased......

........but for me.......

....diabetes is always on my mind!!!!

(There....I've purged....now my mind can move on.....right?....maybe???... SIGH...)

In my socks......?????

2009-09-01T19:36:00.003-05:00

You know you're a Type 1 Mom when you find a test strip.........

........while putting on woolies on a cold SUMMER night!!

A couple months after J.J. was diagnosed I would grab my camera every time I found a test strip in an odd spot. A year after he was diagnosed I realized that test strips would be found in odd spots ALL THE TIME!!! So I stopped taking photos. BUT last night.....

I was in bed slipping on my wool socks and felt a cold hard object. I thought....."Oh, I wonder if it's hay....or maybe a needle." Both have been found in my socks before. And I can see how they could "needle" their way into a sock.....but..... for the life of me I have NO IDEA how this USED test strip got in my sock....none!!

I showed my husband...he laughed....then we both said at the same time......ONLY A TYPE ONE MOM!!!

Oh me Oh my.....it's been awhile!!

2009-07-30T22:33:00.004-05:00

I started a long wordy blog post this evening.....thinking I really had time to do this...but I don't so.... here is the short version.

Endo appt. 3 months ago.....

A1C..... 7.5....yes steadily rising!

LOTS of LOWS!! He wasn't feeling them until he hit 30's. NOT GOOD. Endo wanted to see us keep him high for a month at least. Told us not to worry about the next A1C....YEAH RIGHT!!!

Had his yearly blood draw....did AWESOME!! And results were all good. The not so good thing is that our insurance renegotiated rates with the clinic so we ended up paying close to $400 for those tests and found out the rest of the year we'd be paying near $70 for each A1C!!!! NOT GOOD!!

Dermatitis...he began developing really bad rashes where his pump sits on his stomach at night.....due to the fact that he goes high overnight.....thus peeing more.

Our endo suggested trying a professional type continuous glucose system for a few nights to see if we can pinpoint exact times he skyrockets. But finances halted us from pursuing that any further.

Endo appt. this week......

A1C....8.2.....UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! Endo is fine with it since we are trying to get J.J. to feel his lows....but it made me sick to my stomach.

Lows.....he's feeling them in the 50's now, but endo would like to see 60's and 70's!!!

Dermatitis.....still a problem. Endo suggested switching from a pull-up to a diaper.....to which J.J. laughed a nervous laugh....and to which my Mama heart broke.....the thought of putting my 6 year old BACK in diapers is just plain SAD to me!! Anyway.....her reasoning is that diapers are meant to wick the moisture away from the body while pull-ups are meant to have the child feel the moisture so they can be potty trained. His moisture problem has to do with the diabetes (I'll explain in a sec.).....so we aren't trying to get him to potty train....in fact he sleeps through just about everything....including when he's low and we have to give him something to drink!!!!

Night time highs......we've watched this happen for such a long time now.......J.J. will come down beautifully from his dinner dose, we put him to bed and WHAMMO.....TO THE MOON!!! He can sometimes jump nearly 300 in an hour!!! We've tried many different food/exercise/bolus/basal options....but like with most diabetes....there is no consistancy!!! Endo said that he is just one of those kids that it happens to......not every parent has to deal with this....we must be the lucky ones!!

The obvious question educated people are asking right now is "So....why don't you just increase his basals to match this trend to skyrocket?" Ahhhhh.....easier said than done. The problem is J.J.'s insulin sensativity. We can increase his basals, and we have in the past, but then we are risking lows.....which we saw when we increased even by .05 increments!! Often we are chasing a high all night, and then risk the crash in the morning. My wonderful husband gets up 2-3 times a night trying to keep the highs in check. He wanted to stop after we talked to another type 1 mom who said they never got up in the night with their daughter!! But I convinced him (and thankfully the endo concured) that everyone's diabetes is different.....we can't go off of what this other person is doing.....J.J. is unique and so is his diabetes.

The solution at this point is to try increase his basal again.....TRY it ONE MORE TIME!! See if we can get him to stay a bit steadier.....but it really looks like we're in for a long battle with this.

What we've learned this summer:

90 degree weather + pump=HIGH's from insulin being destroyed in the heat

rolling down hills=breakage of pump clips

sliding (falling) down slides=pump being jammed into side and causing an injury

....if you remember to bring extra insulin in case of emergency....don't forget the syringes!!!!

slushies or freezies=REALLY high carbs!!!(But they're so cheap here...89 cents for 44 oz!!)

LOT 8----we're sitting on 3 boxes .....hmmmmm!!!

....situations with a lot of candy are way too much pressure for a little kid with diabetes....J.J. succumbed to "sneaking" after a couple incidences.....SAD!!!

.....some people get really squeamish if you do a blood check in front of them!!! HAAAAHAAA!!!

....remember to bring a pump clip if he's wearing a pump-pack with belted pants and wants to change later into elastic type shorts!!

......the free shake they gave away at the end of the fair=132 carbs & causes little boys to get bad tummy aches!!!

AND FINALLY........

.....if a person starts telling you about someone they know that has or had diabetes and wants to add a "yeah but" (like "yeah but he has kidney disease" or "yeah but he lost a leg" or "yeah but he went blind.").....put your hands over your ears and start singing The Smurf Song.

Heart Tugs.....

2009-03-22T23:26:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a while since I've written. Such is a blogger's life. I haven't had much to write about. Although.....I could write about the MANY, MANY, MANY lows we've been having lately.....like 30's and 40's!! But you've heard about all that before. I could write about the heart attack at the pharmacy when the guy tells me that my insurance will only approve 100 test strips!! NOT THAT AGAIN!!! Yes, we have to go through the approval process YEARLY!!! NO... I will not bore you with the same-O.....same-O.

Tonight I'll just mention a couple of heart tugs that have happened recently.

The first one was when J.J. was pretending to be blind. I know I used to do it a lot when I was a kid. Tie something around my eyes and see if I could maneuver around the furniture or "catch" my parents. Sometimes I just squinted really hard....but was really peeking. It was a fun thing to do.....and it was fun for J.J. as well. I smiled on the outside as I watched him trying to climb the stairs.

"Look at me, Mama!! I can't see. I'm BLIND."

Oh... I may have been smiling, but there was that heart tug....that pull on my heart....NO...that 50 lb weight being thrown on my heart.

I said in my head:

"Please, baby, don't say things like that. You have no idea how BLINDNESS could be a reality in your life. I will do everything I can to prevent it, but.....Oh please God spare him....ah, but...Your will be done."

The second one was during nightly devotions. We were talking about "good deeds".(1Peter 2:12) Jason asked J.J.:

"What are some good deeds your parents have done for you?"

Do you know what J.J.'s very first reply was?

"You guys dose me."

NOT.....you guys read books to me, build lego sets with me, play games with me, go on bike rides with me, etc. In fact none of that came up....it all had to do with dosing him, feeding him, taking care of his diabetes!!!

That tugged at my heart. I'm thankful he recognizes that we "manage" his diabetes for him....but I wish he didn't have to have that as his answer......let alone his VERY FIRST answer!!

I'm sure there will be many more heart tugs along this journey.....but that's what being a MOM is all about.....caring!!

Caps for Sale....not really......

2009-03-06T12:14:00.005-06:00

After receiving word from people that know me and love me wondering why I haven't posted.....wondering ......is everything o.k.? I began to think I should probably write a blog post. An update-y sort of blog post. But there isn't much to update....just LIFE. Which led me to thinking about my life and the many caps I wear....then that led me to the book I read to my oldest (who BTW turned 16 this week!! YIKES!!).....over and over when she was a little girl. It's called "Caps for Sale: A tale of a peddler, some monkeys, and th eir monkey business" by Esphyr Slobodkina.

I saw in my minds eye the picture of a small little man carrying a bunch of hats on his head. Yep, that's me....I thought. That's my life.....I wear a ton of caps. But last year I really only wore ONE. The others were knocked off my head.....those blasted monkeys!! Last year I was adding one to my already full line of caps. It was the role of a nurse......actually more like a CDE.... because everyone in the D-OC has met a clueless nurse out there that doesn't know squat about type 1!! Anyway....... last year I had to focus on learning about J.J.'s disease, while the other caps were on autopilot....or in the hands of monkeys.....very scary to think about!!

"So the peddler picked up his caps and put them back on his head---first his own checked cap...."

This is where I'm at. I'm in the process of picking up the caps and carrying them again. Not letting the monkeys have them, but bearing the weight and responsiblity they bring. They weren't completely gone last year, but they didn't have my focus and attention.....now they do. So while I am still here.... I am still dealing with diabetes and the many frustrations and heartaches and joys it brings, I also have these other caps that take up a lot of my time, and leave very little time for blogging. I have, however written blog post after blog post in my head....and some in my personal journals....so maybe some day I'll be able to get those posted on here.

"CAPS!!! CAPS for SALE!! Fifty cents a CAP!!!"

I suppose the only difference I have with the peddler in "Caps for Sale" is that I'm NOT selling (most of) my caps. They've been handpicked by a loving and gracious Father...Who knows exactly what caps I need!!!

NOW.......off to put on my accountant cap....April 15th is coming too fast!!! (Oy! Oy!Oy!......when are we going to "sell" this one?!)

Happy Birthday J.J.!!!

2009-02-18T15:49:00.003-06:00

J.J. turns SIX today....

Happy Birthday Bud!!

WE LOVE YOU!!

You Never Know Who's......

2009-02-18T14:57:00.004-06:00

LURKING!!!

Last week I wrote a quick post about the events of the previous 24 hours. I didn't think much of it......ya know....just relaying some more "firsts" in our journey.

Well, Saturday morning as I'm just getting out of the shower hubby comes with the phone and says in a whisper, "It's Medtronic. They want to talk to you about your blog. Do you want to talk to them?"

A lot went through my mind in that instant. Why do they want me? What did I write? I was a little fearful, yet excited. What was this all about?

Adrian was her name. She made sure I was the author of J.J.'s diabetes journey at blogspot dot com, then went on to explain how she was alerted to my blog.....something about an e-mail, and a vice president of something, and whatever. Somehow, someway she was in charge of the situation at this point.

She complimented me on my writing.....thought I was a nurse.....yada, yada, yada... I really wasn't paying much attention I just wanted her to get to the point!! Turns out there were multiple "points".

Basically I believe my last post was a bit concerting to the folks over at Medtronic. J.J. had the "bleeder" when he took out the site, said he wanted to switch to shots(nothing new), a piece on his clip had busted off, and there was a cannula that was a tad longer than normal. To me, just a relay of information....not to the folks at Medtronic. Maybe it was bad press for them to write what I did. I was in no way lambasting or even complaining about Medtronic. All of it was typical for kids with type 1.

At any rate....Adrian was sweet and offered us a new pump clip to replace the broken one. She also wanted J.J. to enjoy his pump and offered to send us a pump skin to make his pump more "fun". Then I was transferred to another nice lady who recorded the lot number of the "long" cannula for future reference and quality control. She threw into the mix a couple of infusion sets.

Pretty nice "offers" for simply writing about my day dontcha think?

So.....I guess the good folks over at Medtronic have blog lurkers out there. Who knew? I wonder why they weren't listening when I talked about the $500 transfer fee for donated and/or used pumps. I didn't receive a phone call then!

It's a bleeder......

2009-02-09T13:33:00.006-06:00

Boy, I tell ya.... I go away for a weekend and get baptized with fire--um, blood--when I get back!!

As I pulled away from the retreat center I called hubby to let him know we are on our way. Sarah answered the phone and said her Dad was in the bathroom....sick!! A lot was going through my head at the time, but I couldn't get enough info to find out how sick he was. I called back about 15 minutes later to find out it's a migraine....it ends up being the worst he's ever had. Poor guy. I ended up managing the household from the car on the way back.

J.J. was low and needed a correction, but also wanted to go outside to play. We've been seeing way too many lows lately....I've adjusted some, but not nearly enough...I'll have to evaluate the numbers again.

The evening was fairly uneventful.....we stayed in the basement watching TV so hubby could rest in a dark quiet bedroom.

This morning, however...very interesting. I needed to change J.J.'s site because....well.....Jason doesn't do it much. I sent J.J. off to the tub to soak it off as usual. But just as I was sitting down to eat my oatmeal I hear a frantic call for Maaaaaa--Muuuuuhhhh!! I went running in to find blood streaming down J.J.'s leg.... already turning the bath water pink. I quickly grabbed some toilet paper and applied pressure.

And applied pressure......

And applied pressure......

The toilet paper soaked through fairly quickly so I had one of my girls grab a paper towel. After what seemed like an eternity, the blood stopped flowing. Thankfully when we first got the pump I had done a little forum and blog reading to catch me up to speed on removing sites. I came across a few "bleeder" stories at that time, so I knew what to do....and not to panic.

It happens sometimes.....not much we can do.

However, it really freaked J.J. out. He asked me not to leave him alone while he took a bath. He was afraid it would start bleeding again. My scientific mommy brain took over and I explained in great detail-- to my 5 year old son-- the concept of coagulation. Hee-hee!! I then grabbed my oatmeal and milk and ate my breakfast sitting on the toilet seat.

When I was sitting there I examined the site he just took out.....the cannula was larger....I could tell. I grabbed another site from the tub he had taken out (who knows when) and compared the two. Yep, definitely a longer cannula. I then got out my metric ruler....again scientific mommy brain...and yep a whole millimeter longer!! Now, laugh if you want, but to a tiny behind a mm is a big deal.

I'm not sure the extra mm helped contribute the the exorbitant amount of blood flowing from my son's behind, but I'm stumped as to why it would be so much longer. I double checked my supply again......it says 6mm, not 9mm.....but maybe the cannula "grew" a whole mm while he was pulling it out??? Who knows??? I'll give up that scientific evaluation....but it is odd to be so much longer.

When J.J. came out of the tub he said he didn't want to wear the pump any longer. He wanted to go back to shots. I asked "Why?" He said it was because he didn't like the needle poke. So again I ask him if he prefers 6 needle pokes a day or just one every 2-3 days. He still said he prefers the shots. This is a routine conversation for us. He definitely doesn't like site changes....but we matter-of-factly have to do them.....and once they are done he goes on with his life for 2-3 more days!

As I was getting him ready to wear a pump case today a small piece from his Medtronic clip broke...very frustrating.....but that's how our life is going on this blessed Monday after a nice weekend.

I'm rolling with the punches. What's a little blood? Or a little broken piece? Or a migraine.....well, I felt absolutely horrible about the migraine....I don't think I've ever heard my husband throw up before so I was in tears....so I'm sure he won't say the migraine was all that "small"......but it is "just" a migraine! All manageable blips on the radar.

Kid quote.....

2009-01-28T18:38:00.003-06:00

Last night while we were watching The Biggest Loser the kids were running around, doing push-ups, lifting weights etc. I know......very weird....but I notice them doing this when we watch this show. Don't tell anyone, but hubby has also gotten in on the act before!! Shhhh....it's our secret!

Anyway....J.J. collapses in front of me saying he's low and needs to check his blood. I tell him to check his blood!! After checking his blood....he very dramatically says:

"It's 73....I'm low.....need...to....eat....something."

I heard the number and decided not to act immediately since he wasn't truly low, and the show was on!!! It was toward the end during the weigh-ins....and if any of you watch the show you know toward the end it's like 5 minutes worth of commercials vs. 30 seconds of show....very annoying. At any rate, I decided he could wait a few seconds while I watched the heaviest person ever on the show weigh in.

J.J. was getting a little perturbed (there's your vocubulary word, Hannah!) with me. At some point he realized I wasn't getting up right away to get him something to eat and this is what he said to me....with a stern, authoritative, know-it-all look and tone:

"Which is MORE important....DIABETES? OR this MOVIE?"

Oh, I couldn't help but chuckle.....he was so serious!! I told him at that point the show was more important, but I also told him that if it was that bad to grab his diabetes bag and I'd give him some Smarties....otherwise he could wait a few seconds. I ended up giving him a whopping 3 grams worth of candy!!! He miraculously recovered and started running around again!!

He had pizza last night so I knew it would kick in.....and it did....to the tune of 200's most of the night!!! But he doesn't get all that yet. In fact he prefers to go low so he can get some candy!!!:-) He'll tell me he's low when in fact he isn't......I'm ever so thankful for blood glucose meters!!!!

As a side note......it's my 1 year blogiversary!! I started blogging a year ago this week. I forgot the count....somewhere's near 180 blog posts! Not bad. I've been so blessed by this experience, and (hopefully) been a blessing to others as they see they aren't the only ones dealing with this disease. I'm finally feeling the fog lift a little....adventuring back into my normal life where diabetes isn't the first thing I think about in the morning or research all day or cry about in the shower. It's finally finding it's rightful place in my life.....important... yes, always there...yes, always causing me to scratch my head and say "What? Where did that come from?".....yes. But for now it has to take a backseat to life and the lives of my family!!

Here's to a New "bloggy" Year!!!

Diabetes Sick Day Management......

2009-01-23T22:58:00.005-06:00

I don't know why, but the title of this blog makes me laugh!! Like really laugh.

I suppose this being our first real sickness with blood sugars gone wild I may not understand that term.....management. I mean what is there to "manage"? It's like....how would I "manage" a horse that decides to take off running at full speed down a state park trail? (O.K...that seriously happened to me!!!) J.J.'s blood glucose numbers have been like that horse.....I felt like I could do nothing but watch them go.....go.....UP and UP and UP!!

So here is a glimpse into the last couple of days...

high, correct, even higher, correct, high, correct, SKY HIGH, correct

NORMAL....(phew maybe we're coming out of it)...

SUPER DUPER SKY HIGH, (guess we're not), correct, high, correct....You get the gist.

Set basals at 120%....not working....let's try 150%...NOPE....let's go for it....200%!!!

Oh, and check ketones....and check ketones again and again and again.

Then after days of MASSIVE amounts of insulin with very little movement I patiently wait......

5......4.......3......2.....1........

63

CORRECT....(the other way this time)......15 minutes later.....

97....(alrighty then....he's coming up)....hour later.....

64

CORRECT....(Am I going to be doing this ALL NIGHT????)

Who knows!!!???

Before diabetes I'd call this particular "illness" a blip on the screen. In my other kids I wouldn't even notice it much. But not with J.J......nope.....through blood glucose numbers I am getting a glimpse into how hard his body fights off even the simplest of viruses. It's a chest cold....that's it. The crud!!!

We've "MANAGED" though....HA!!! Managed!!

Screw-up, Cinnabon, Sickness, & Snowplay.....

2009-01-23T00:29:00.002-06:00

The week of the HIGH BG's!!! And here's why.....

If you read my last post you figured out I'm a moron. Well, I'm a moron times two!! Can you believe I did it again??? This time it was lunch, not breakfast. Same scenario.....exact same. UGH!! (It's the 436 in the pic collage!!)

Cinnabon.....ever try a Cinnabon cinnamon roll!!?? WOW!! Talk about melt in your mouth!! Well, this week we had the sweetest lady on earth come to our home to show us how to make them. They were scrumptious. I tried to dose J.J. for the first one. Thought I did pretty well. I mean he came down O.K....but he was low when he ate it, and he played in the snow. So....who knows?? Well, the second one he had the next morning. I decided to check calorieking.....it said a large Cinnabon has 117 carbs!!!! OH MY!! This time I dosed more....about 20 grams more.

I didn't do to well......he was 391 three hours later.....but who knows.....because......

.....now he is sick. The first REAL sickness we've had since diagnosis. He slept on the couch or watched movies most of the day. His BG hasn't seen the 100's since the morning. I've tried to keep him drinking fluids.....ketones negative. But it's incredible how HIGH he is. Hubby is out of town so I get the full 24 hour shift....tired is an understatement!!

But I'll end with a bright spot....a few pictures of snow play!!:)

J.J. loves to eat snow!! Don't ask me why....he will stop every few feet just to eat more snow! I wonder if there could be carbs in snow....are we sure it's just pure water??:)

Here he is searching for large blocks of snow to add to his fort....you can kind of see it in the background!

Sitting all pretty with a neighbor girl.....ready for the pony pull!!

Being pulled by the pony!!

I'm a moron.....too!!!

2009-01-13T12:41:00.004-06:00

So, yeah.......it's true...I'm a moron!

Saturday Cara wrote the blog I'm a moron.... explaining some of her recent goof-ups in her diabetes management. I wrote a comment saying I'd join the club because I've done the same things managing J.J.'s diabetes. HOWEVER.....I made a point to say that MY HUSBAND has forgotten to dose for a meal.

Well, since I wrote that comment I kept wondering WHEN I would forget to bolus for a meal.....because we all know PRIDE COMETH BEFORE A FALL!!! I knew I was somewhat gloating in my comment. I knew I wasn't the ONE to forget to bolus for a meal.......

UNTIL TODAY!!!

UGH!! Do you see that reading!!?? UGH!!! I'm so frustrated..... yet a little part of me grins because I KNEW it would happen soon......but I feel SO INCREDIBLY BAD!!

J.J. was all geared up to eat lunch. His mouth was watering with the idea of grilled cheese, the last bit of crumbs in the chip bag, and a smoothie. BUT NOW....what is he having??......a TALL bottle of SierraMist FREE....no carbs....and a handful of peanuts....5 carbs. I offered him cheese....but he says HE's SICK OF CHEESE!! Can't blame him...I would be too!

So far this year is not starting off the greatest.....twice since the beginning of the year we've forgotten to bolus for breakfast. When Jason forgot I dismissed it as just weird scheduling....we were out of our routine, etc. etc. Well, what excuse do I have??(.....besides the fact that I'm a complete MORON???)

Well....I think a "good" one....J.J. was 70 before his meal and a little shaky, so I knew he was on a downward spiral even though he wasn't really low, but if I were to dose before the meal it'd be a little riskier for him. So when he's borderline like that I dose mid-meal or after the meal. THAT WAS THE PROBLEM!!! I meticulously added up the carbs in everything he ate....but didn't bolus before the meal like usual! BUT...like usual... I continued on with my busy day....and completely forgot! UGH!! UGH!!

So yeah....I'm definitely in the diabetes moron club....anyone else want to join??!!

Sweet Sweet Sweeteners....

2009-01-10T15:02:00.005-06:00

This was the week for the artificial sweetener finds!!

We found out quickly last year that J.J.'s body doesn't handle products using Splenda.....I don't either!! He would end up spending the rest of the day in the bathroom when we gave him sugar free syrup for his pancakes. But going to normal or even light syrup bumped the carb count so high we couldn't cover it very good.

Recently I discovered a sugar free syrup that doesn't use splenda....ie...sucralose(the generic name for splenda...watch your labels carefully if Splenda upsets your system...it may not say Splenda on the packaging, but if it says "sucralose" in the ingredient list that is how it is sweetened.) It does use Aspertame......still not the greatest.....but J.J.'s system can handle it better. When I went to buy a bottle of it this week the store was clearancing it out....YIKES!! Does that mean I won't see it on the shelf anymore??? So you know what I did...I bought every last bottle they had!:)

Then on another shopping trip, Sam's had something called Natur in sample bags. It claims to be all natural but pack 1/2 the carbs. J.J. thinks it's a brownie mix....he keeps asking me to make whats on the front cover!! I haven't tried it yet, so no pros or cons....just plain curiosity!

Then I saw the Stevia at Trader Joes. I've heard of it....seen ads in diabetes magazines....so thought I'd try some.....But man it was a chunk of change. I did put a little in my tea today and it seemed to sweeten it just fine. Not like sugar....slightly different taste....but not bad for a no calorie no carb solution. I'll let ya know how it affects my system.....well, maybe I'll spare the details....I'll let you know with a thumbs up or thumbs down and you'll know!

Since there was no real point to this post I'll also update ya'll on the ring. We went to pick it up last night and it still felt big. The person helping us got the ring sizer thingy and had me put my finger in the 2 1/2......it fit, and was loose!! UGH!! So we started the process of downsizing not only that ring, but my wedding ring. But then I got scared. I was concerned about the weather....cold hands equates to smaller ring size!! She said fingers tend to be bigger in the summer than winter. So I want to be able to adjust to year round. I decided to stick with the 2 3/4 size for now.....she said I have 6 months to change the size without cost, so we'll see. I may indeed end up going to a 2 1/2.

BTW....my high school class ring happened to be stored with my wedding ring....we sized it........ a 5!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD???? My size has dropped half since high school!! And before ya'll start thinking maybe I dropped a ton of weight....I haven't...I'm about what I was in high school if not 10-15lbs heavier!

Fundraising & Fitness.....

2009-01-09T13:34:00.004-06:00

Last night my daughter started a conversation by saying:

We should do one of the diabetes walks.

I told her the JDRF walk is this month at the Mall of America. I also told her it would be a little late to raise funds, but would be interesting to visually "see" how many lives are effected by type 1 in MN.....a comparatively small sample I'm sure.....but it would be the largest gathering of type 1'ers I've ever seen.

My daughter then says:

Well, how about a bike ride then? Dad, lets to the MS-30 again this year. (They had completed the MS-30 about 5 years ago.....way before J.J.'s diagnosis!)

WHOA there little lady!!!

Ummm.....I'm sure MS is a great cause and all, but if we're going to raise funds for a medical cure it better be for type 1 diabetes!!!

She conceded to that fact, but then wondered about bike rides for diabetes. I started doing a quick internet search for biking fundraisers for diabetes. ADA has one, but UGH......I just have a hard time raising funds for that organization. (I won't get into it in this post as it's not the main thrust of my "conversation"....but you can get a glimpse into my thoughts on ADA here.)

I checked out JDRF.....a little bit better organization......but they only have BIG ride's across the country. It seems like a real challenge physically...2-3 days of riding...which is what my daughter is looking for....a fitness goal. But it seems like an even BIGGER challenge in the fundraising department. $3,500-4,000 per entered person!! Since we've never participated in either a big ride or fundraising we were thinking we'd put that aside for now......but ONE DAY we'd love to do it.

Then I thought of Bernard's triathlon this year. He participated in a triathlon and raised funds specifically for Dr. Faustman's research. What if we did something like that? In Minnesota they have 2 person triathlons, but instead of swimming they have canoeing. So both of us would canoe, then one would do bike(Me!) and one would run(young legs!!). This might be doable. We could support an organization we didn't object to, and we could reach a fitness goal. Hey, maybe we could get two teams going in our family....hubby and one daughter and me and another daughter!!! O.K....I won't hold my breath on that one, but maybe just maybe!!

For now we're in the brainstorming and research phase.....

Fundraising and Fitness......I think it's something we might tackle in 2009.

Endo Visit #4......

2009-01-07T18:37:00.005-06:00

I believe I'm finally settling into a routine with these endo visits. They aren't as traumatic as the first one. I believe it all has to do with the endo I'm seeing....I can't praise her enough. The social worker on the other hand......

She came in first. It's been a year since she's talked to us and wanted to see how everything was going. I suppose the conversation was fine, she just tends to linger too much on the fact that J.J. is homeschooled. I guess I'll give her grace and try to educate her while I'm there even though her job is to educate me! I totally boasted about the DOC!! She wanted to know if I was interacting with other diabetes moms by seeking out support groups(Ummm....they are way far away!!). I told her my biggest diabetes support has been the online community, and reading blogs from other moms. YOU ARE AWESOME!!

The endo finally shows up and announces J.J.'s A1C is 7.3%!!!! I asked her to repeat the result again. I couldn't be hearing right. Our numbers were HORRIBLE. Starting on the pump has been so hard.....and we've had some incredibly high numbers. Last night I prayed that God would allow me to accept whatever the results were.....but in my head I thought about how high it could be before I walked out of there crying......I thought a 9% would do it!!! His two previous A1C's have been 7.5% and 7.1%. The endo said we're pretty much staying the same. Hey....I'll take the result.....and the endo thinks its just fine for his age and our stage in the game.

The other interesting "result" is that J.J. gained 2 lbs and 1 inch in three months!!! That explains all the adjustments we were making. The stinker was going through a growth spurt. Jason made a comment to the effect that J.J. has almost doubled his weight from the time we brought him to the hospital. What a blessing!

The rest of the time was pretty routine. The endo finally changed his basals....we've been running J.J. on a 150% temp basal for a few weeks now. I knew I needed to change the setting permanently but was too lazy! She showed us more potential sites we could use on his bum.....and told him he needed to gain 50 lbs before he could use his stomach!:) She thinks he still has a bit of a honeymoon left considering the amount of insulin he's on and how he reacts to highs. It's really great for him to have some function this long and not very common for his age. It may have to do with the fact that he hasn't had any illnesses since his diagnosis that would wipe out cells at a faster rate. Who knows??? Diabetes is such a mysterious disease.

Unfortunately his next visit will entail a blood draw!!:( I just hate watching him go through those. I won't think about it yet...it's three months away!!

Walking out of endo appts with a smile is always a good thing for me!!

I'll end with a little story that has nothing to do with diabetes. Hubby bought me an anniversary band for Christmas. I have really petite fingers.....really petite. I took the ring off to put lotion on while we were waiting for the endo and hubby put the ring on J.J.. It was actually tighter on J.J.'s finger than mine!!! We decided to swing by the jewelry store since I haven't been in a jewelry store since I helped pick out my wedding ring. The lady helping us quickly recognized that the ring was too loose. I also looked around and realized my tiny little fingers can handle only so much. She pulled out a ring that had 5 small stones to represent my 5 children, but even that one she said wouldn't work because when they downsize it the setting would wrap around my finger!!!! She said the ring hubby gave me could be downsized further. Can you guess my ringsize?????

2 and 3/4!!!!

While we were checking out we noticed the jewelry lady chick had this ginormous ROCK on her finger. Of course hubby makes some wisecrack about it, so she takes it off and has me try it on!!! It seriously took up almost half of my ring finger. You know I always thought I wanted a ginormous ROCK....even if it was fake....but now I know hubby knows me best....small and petite looks the best on me and my little itty bitty fingers!!:)

Year End Reflections.....

2008-12-31T00:22:00.001-06:00

Every New Year's Eve for the past 5 years we have a little tradition around our household. Everyone is to go off by themselves and write...draw....list.....all the events they can think of that were important that year.

It's fun to see how each person has at least one event that the rest of us didn't think about. It's also interesting to see how each of us uses their creative talents in creating their list. My husband's is especially fun......he brings a list he prints out on the computer just seconds before the big "revealing". Hey, it works for him.

This year, however, it's been hard. I began thinking about it a few days ago. At first my mind could think of nothing significant. Nothing worth writing down. Only sad events. Events I would rather not remember......but will still include because they are events of 2008. But as I began to think and pray about it I realized there were many interesting and fun events mingled in with the sad ones.

Yet still, I cry. I cry when I think about the year. Tears of joy...mingled with tears of heartache.....mingled with tears of gratefulness.....mingled with tears of awe.....as I think about all that God has allowed me to learn this year. The growth that comes through affliction and trials is painful to be sure.....but it is beautiful....it can't be taken away from me. It's more valuable than any earthly "event". It will carry with me for a lifetime and affect not only me, but my children and possibly their children.

So I'll go off to prepare my year end remembrance list/drawing/photo collage/computer printout...and...I'll praise God....for the happy times AND for the sad times. For He has been to me a rock of strength. He has seen my affliction and known the troubles of my soul. In Him I have taken refuge. He has heard my supplications when I cried to Him. I have trusted in Him.... for my times are in His hand. How great is HIS GOODNESS!! (See Psalm 31)

And..... as for the NEW "SCARY" YEAR ahead.........

Be STRONG and let your heart take COURAGE....All you who HOPE in the LORD!!!(Psalm 31:24)

KINKED & KINDNESS.......

2008-12-30T19:26:00.002-06:00

KINKED

J.J. was running super high on Saturday night, but he had been somewhat high most of our trip. I had him on a 150% temp. basal which had been helping. But the highs we were experiencing Saturday night were really weird. Numbers in the 400's and 500's....no ketones...thank-you Lord!!

This situation was somewhat like the last time we traveled. J.J.....high. Mom and Dad....confused. However, this time we were less stressed about it. We started giving shots to get him down, but then he would eat again or the shot would wear off then ...... Whammo!!.....TO THE MOON. We figured it was one of three scenarios.....

He was getting sick---possible since his sisters had vomited the night before.
Our insulin was losing it's effectiveness----possible since we are on week 4.5 w/ this vial.
The site was kinked---possible since hubby did the site change....maybe his 3rd EVER.

All three scenarios swirled in my head Sunday morning. I haven't had a kinked site yet....at least when I was using the right infusion sets....so I had a hard time thinking it was the site. I kept asking hubby what he had done knowing full well that he probably wouldn't be able to tell me. Plus, even if he did everything "right" it could still be kinked.

We were about ready to head home from Nebraska but J.J.'s post breakfast numbers were through the roof. I decided to change the site real fast before we left. I left the old site in. I didn't want to rip his skin off since there wasn't time to soak in a tub & I didn't bring any De-solve It.

We made it home.....J.J.'s number still running high.....but acceptable. I had upped his basal by 200%.....knowing he would be sitting all day. It wasn't until the next morning I realized that I needed to take off the old site. When I did my reaction was:

WHOA!! NOW THAT'S A KINKED SITE!!!!

The cannula was scrunched up sitting right on top of his skin. Didn't even penetrate the skin. Hubby was with me when I took it off and was shaking his head wondering how he managed to kink it so bad. I really don't have an answer for that......I know it just happens sometimes.....but.... poor guy....it had to happen to him when he was trying to give me a break!!

KINDNESS
When we got home there was plenty of mail to weed through. One of the items was a package from Molly over at Dam Diabetes . She had contacted me a couple weeks ago wondering if I could use some supplies she didn't need anymore.

She sent us a load of supplies....months worth for us. I can't tell you what a blessing this is to us....not just financially, but the act of kindness encourages us and strengthens our desires to persevere and endure. It reminds us that we aren't alone in our struggles and there are others out there willing to come alongside to help. God is so good to bring people like Molly into our lives. Thank-you Molly for reaching out to us & giving so generously!! (Oh...and go over to her site to see Dixie....her "diabetes dog".....she is just adorable!!)

"Merry Christmas"....Love, Diabetes

2008-12-26T16:00:00.003-06:00

Our beautiful blessing....all wrapped up!

Hubby woke up this morning and said, "I have a new blog title for you."

"Oh, yeah...what?"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS....LOVE DIABETES!"

Of course it was meant to be sarcastic. The poor guy was up quite a bit last night....10:30, 11:30, 12:30. 2:30, 5:30! J.J. was checked 12 times in a 12 hour period!! He had a bit of yo-yo-ing, then just plain high. J.J. didn't notice it....to happy with all of his Legos to really care much.....so hubby took the brunt of it. I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!

We did have a Merry Christmas for sure....but....diabetes also wished us a "Merry Christmas"......in it's own way.

Latest "Tool" in My Diabetes Toolbox......

2008-12-15T22:06:00.002-06:00

Yes, it's a seam ripper folks!!!

It's supposed to be a whopping TWENTY BELOW ZERO here tonight. J.J. normally wears his pajama bottoms ONLY, but tonight he came to me wearing his footy PJ's. Smart kid. However, what shall we do about the blasted pump??

JACK THE RIPPER to the rescue!!!

I ripped out a portion of the seam so the tubing could go through to his site.

Now the little guy will be warm......well maybe!!!

Week Re-Cap.....

2008-12-14T08:58:00.002-06:00

MISHAPS
One day this week I had J.J. all set up eating his lunch. I had already bolused, so I got in the shower. We were rushing to go somewhere, so I was a little preoccupied. I didn't think to check whether he ate or not. I mean, the kid ALWAYS eats his food!! So here I sit down to shut down my laptop and what do I see? A PLATE FULL OF FOOD!!!

I called J.J. and asked him why he only ate half of his food. He said his sisters made him mad, so he went to his room. YIKES!! He also said he didn't like the breaded mozzarella sticks. Hey, no problem about not liking something.....BUT.....I NEED TO KNOW!!! So he sat and ate the rest of the food he liked while I looked for something that was about 7 carbs to account for the mozzarella stick.

While he's eating the 7 gram fruit bar he tells me his knees hurt and he doesn't feel good. JUST KEEP EATING, BUD, JUST KEEP EATING!!

The second mishap was Friday night. I had taken the kids to a friends house so I could surprise Jason with an empty house and a nice dinner. (O.K....like that hasn't happened in 15 years!!) I brought with me a box of Pizza Rolls so they would have an easy time counting carbs for J.J. I told Jess to call if she had any problems. We didn't receive a call so we assumed all was well.

When Jason picked up the children, Jess said she counted up 64 carbs and put it in the Bolus Wizard and all was good. NO PROBLEMS!!! Ahhh......but we knew there was a problem when we checked his blood and he was 381. We looked back at the bolus history and it didn't show she had dosed for his dinner. It appears she forgot to push the ACT button that one last time.

That's the thing about using the Bolus Wizard on the Medtronic pump....there are so many screens to go through and just when you think you've approved the dose and its doing its thing.....there is one last final push of a button. I've forgotten twice already!! I know better now when it does it's little doot-dooooot-doot warning at me. But sometimes I don't always hear it. Jess heard it, but had no idea what it was for. Oh well.....it happens.....we learn to take note of it and move on. He came down by the morning and all was well.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE
I thought a lot this week about how the fight for my sons health means I can never give up. To "manage" means I'm always TRYING to be on top of things. There is no rest with this disease. Oh, I know NOW that I can't be 100% perfect....ummm right now I can't even get to the 50% range. I can only do so much. But the fact still remains we will continue to be vigilant in the management and try our best to notice when we need course adjustments.

This week it dawned on me that he was going high in the afternoons or pre-dinner checks. I decided to plug in the meters to the computer and see what kind of numbers they pooped out. I downloaded the first one and was blown away by the pre-dinner percentage for the past week. It was a whopping 0%!!! That means we were in target range 0 times......big goose egg. I told hubby and was ranting on and on about it, when I looked down and noticed I had one more meter to download....ooops!!

When I downloaded the second meter it had 11% ....a little better, but still in need of a course adjustment. We decided to set a temp basal in the afternoons for a few days to see if that would help. If that did the trick we would go ahead and change his basals. So far it looks like it's doing the trick.

Illness Looming
I know I sound like a broken record...but.....We have not had a major sickness in this house since J.J. was diagnosed. Blessing to be sure. Sarah, however, came down with a stomach bug yesterday. I spent a few hours gathering all my information about managing vomiting and diabetes. It won't be easy and there will be a lot of new, weird scenarios I'm sure. I know I can't really prepare. I can only go through the illness to really know how to deal with it, but at least all the information is gathered and I can try my best. Thankfully the docs are on call 24/7 & beg us to call ASAP when an illness arises....especially our first. They'll be there to help us walk through it.

More Soul Food
I was visiting a church this week and noticed a booklet in their information center. Well, actually I didn't notice it, hubby pointed it out to me. The title was "Creations of God Impacted by Disability: One Mother's Thoughts" by Janet Lacher. The author's son was diagnosed with infantile spasms, a catastrophic form of epilepsy at the age of 7 months. She wrote a little booklet to help her congregation understand the issues parents of disabled children face and how the church body has helped them and can in turn help others in similar circumstances.

She had 4 major issues that parents face. The first is ongoing loss. Mainly it's the ongoing realization of how different the child's life will be, and thus your life. Life will have to change and at each developmental stage comes ongoing challenges. There are many losses a person could list depending on the severity of the "disability". Diabetes, is minor compared to say a brain injury....or maybe childhood cancer. So our list of "losses" may be less, but they are still there nonetheless.

The second issue is fear. This is ongoing as well. Fears of complications. Fears of finances. Fears of isolation or abandonment as "people may grow weary of ongoing needs". Fears for the future. Fears of such a drastic world break down that I won't be able to get insulin to keep J.J. alive. I face all these fears and have to constantly learn how to trust God with them.

The third issue is the "nuts and bolts" of just living with the childs "disability" from day to day. Ahh....gee....don't we know this one too well!! With diabetes there is a ton of "nuts and bolts".

The fourth issue "involves the myriad of decisions that must be made". We are faced constantly with decisions. Daily, seemingly insignificant decisions to much bigger "treatment" decisions. To financial, insurance decisions. So many decisions that need to be made.

After reading these issues I realized again that I'm "normal" for someone encountering a childhood "disability". After listing the issues she emphasizes the need to be thankful, and be diligent to be thankful lest we get sucked into despair. Despair can come easy, and it can be constantly wanting to drag us down. A spirit of thankfulness is soooooo needed!!

Finally she lists ways the church has ministered to their family. These are descriptive, yet also prescriptive in that they can help people see how they can minister to others dealing with a childhood illness. I'll try to just list them quickly.....

1. Framework---a solid Biblical foundation is key!
2. Pastoral Care---this section was the most eye opening for me. She describes the need for couples to have the care and support of a pastor to work through their grief. How couples are so vulnerable at this time. She gives the divorce rate of 85-90%---higher than I had heard.
3. Small Groups--being able to get deeper into each others lives.
4. Good Friends---friends that don't mind a 3 am call, willing to listen, cry with, help and encourage....so important!
5. Words of Blessing---"Be quick to listen and SLOW to give advice"--YES, YES, and again I say YES!!
6. Actions of Blessing--caring for the other children in the family, meals, house cleaning etc.
7. Attitudes--Let us see these blessed children as God sees them.....the fingerprints of God!
8. Prayer---not just physical healing but of spiritual healing and blessing.

O.K....silly me....after writing all of that I realized that the church had a full copy of the booklet online. I should've sent you there in the first place. If you want to read the booklet click on the link above and you'll be able to get a PDF file from that page. If it the link doesn't work leave a comment with an e-mail address and I'll e-mail you a copy!:-)

Overall the booklet was the soul food I needed this week. It also had Jason and I talking about how inadequately we were prepared for the mental....emotional....spiritual....aspects of this disease. I remember only one comment from the CDE about the grief, but that was it. We wished we would've had more warning....however, we're not sure we would've HEARD it, nor understood. Kind of like two lovebirds about to get married. They can go through marriage counseling before the ceremony, but they don't really hear it or pay attention. They're too lovestruck. How do we know that? Jason and I watched our wedding video Friday night and are just NOW after 16 1/2 years starting to "GET" what our pastor was saying to us.:)

Sorry for the long post....maybe next week I'll be able to write small quick notes instead of long notes!

Happy week all!!!

One more diagnosiversary post......

2008-12-10T23:09:00.004-06:00

Sorry for all the posts today. I finally had a chunk of time to gather all these photos and write a few lines. I wanted to share a couple more photos....in "celebration" of J.J.'s one year diagnosiversary.

First is the Christmas tree ice cream bar!! A year ago I had just brought a box of them home from the store. J.J. had been vomiting so he couldn't have one. I made the other kids save one for him once he got better. Well, then.... diabetes happened.

The first night in the PICU....before any education.....I told the girls to take the ice cream bars with them to the house they would be staying at so J.J. wouldn't feel bad he couldn't eat one when he got home.

Wellllll.......after I was "educated" I realized he COULD eat one. Thankfully the girls forgot to take them so the Christmas tree ice cream bar was the FIRST treat he received when we got home from the hospital.

Next.....I've been saving the test strip bottles. Not all of them are in this photo....some were used for projects.....some for containers for other stuff. But I just had this quirky idea I needed to save these for some reason. I knew I would take a picture at the end of the year so I would have a "visual" of the enormous amount of finger pokes he's received in just ONE YEAR with diabetes. Jason and I estimated this morning it's around 3300!!! YIKES!! or OUCH is more like it!!!

Finally....I also wanted to take a picture of all the diabetes paraphernalia we have in the house. I knew it would be a lot. The kids helped me remember all the "stuff". It was kind of fun seeing it all in one place.

I was having a hard time keeping it all contained....so I needed to re-organize. Once I started clearing the table I got most of it in these three tubs!:-)

At one point the table reminded me of an "I SPY" book. So I started asking the kids to find different items like "I spy 4 infusion site caps." OR "I spy 3 insulin pumps". It was fun.

At another time while looking at all the paraphernalia I had an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. We are so blessed to have ALL of this. I have what I need to manage my son. Some parents in the world do not even have insulin to keep their children alive. How can I not be thankful....God is so good!

That is one tired boy. This looks an awful lot like the scene a year ago when we were heading to the hospital. Thankfully this year he's JUST TIRED!!!:-)

Toys for Tots 2008......

2008-12-10T19:25:00.003-06:00

As I was saying in my last post, I wanted to give back to Toys for Tots for what they had done for my son while he was in the hospital. I wanted to do something special on his diagnosiversary so I asked Hubby how much giving money he had set aside and asked if we could use it for Toys for Tots this year. I told him my plan and he was all for it.

Hubby went to Target and bought 5 gift cards. One for each of the kids. I then told the kids that J.J.'s diagnosiversary would be a special and fun day.....but I didn't give them any details. The suspense was driving them crazy!! Hee hee!!

Monday morning I asked each of them to pick out a gift card. When they saw the amount their eyes lit up.

WHAT ARE THESE FOR?
WHAT?
WHAT'S GOING ON?

I didn't leave 'em hangin' too long before I told them the plan. We would go to Target and each of them would grab a cart and fill their cart with toys to give to Toys for Tots. I explained about the organization and how they give to kids less fortunate and/or kids that were like J.J......sick....in hospitals. I reminded them of J.J.'s Santa story. They were all for it.

It was crazy grabbing 5 carts and watching them all try to find items to give away. They had so much fun.

J.J. did say a couple of times...."I want a toy for me." I gently reminded him the reason why we were GIVING. He's five....he didn't quite understand....but teaching children that it's more "blessed to give than to receive" has to start somewhere!!:-)

We checked out and headed to Kare11 News to drop off our toys. It was a place that had a drop off tent and I knew Marines were stationed there to help. We could have dropped off the toys at a box in a local grocery store, but I knew my kids wouldn't "get" that. They needed something "more" to understand. When we drove up to the tent though I hear, "Is this it?". A little anti-climatic for sure, but a little more than just a box in a store.

On the way home there were comments such as "I wish I could see the person who gets such 'n such. That would be so cool." I know the neatest part of giving is seeing the person you're giving to receive the gift, but I told them to think of J.J.. Think about his reaction and they can imagine that girl or boy getting their gift. I also told them that someday they could be the person who delivers "gifts" to people that really need them. Who knows what God has in store for them?

You know, before last year I really didn't understand how one toy could make any difference. It can....... and it did.

Final Flashback.....

2008-12-10T18:22:00.003-06:00

A year ago today we were coming home from the hospital, but only after another full round of "education". The CDE came into the room to let us know we needed to come to the conference room. Jason went ahead, but I stayed behind because J.J. was by himself and didn't want me to leave. I wasn't about to leave my 4 year old all by himself in a strange place with a bunch of strange people.

WHY, oh WHY didn't we bring one the girls to keep him company? All the visitors from the day before were now going on with their lives. All the playroom workers were off to their normal school or day jobs.

The CDE came in again. This time visibly annoyed. She let me know that the other couple receiving education was waiting and we all needed to be discharged. I stuck my ground and told her I would be there when I saw that J.J. felt comfortable. She could go on without me....hubby was there to take notes.

After she walked out a very grandmotherly nurse arrived. She said she would sit with him and brought multiple videos. He finally said he was fine.....watching TV!!!:-) As I walked into the conference room I looked back at him in that big hospital bed, completely entranced. He would be fine.

A little while later the grandmotherly nurse knocked on the door and signaled for me. She asked if Santa could come to J.J.'s room. Would he be scared at all? I sized up the Santa, and then the Marines......and J.J. STILL entranced....and told her it would be fine. He knows Santa as a cartoon character, so to him it would be like seeing Clifford or Snoopy.

A few hours later we had finished our "education", and tiredly went back to J.J.'s room. The grandmotherly nurse was still there helping. He was busy packing up all his things. He had even packed my bag for me. When he saw me he came running (two days prior he couldn't even stand up!) and said,

"Mama, Mama!! You'll never guess who came to visit me today?"

"No?? Who came to visit you?"

"Santa came to visit me!"

He showed me the playdough set Santa brought him and then said,

"YEAH.....but I didn't get to see his sleigh."

I can still see J.J.'s bummed out look about the sleigh. Santa's mode of transportation is pretty important, don't 'cha know? It's like seeing Batman without seeing the Bat Mobile.

The grandmotherly nurse told me he didn't say much to Santa, and refused to sit on his lap. That's my boy!! Sitting on Santa's lap always creeped me out when I was a kid!! ICK...o.k. the concept still creeps me out!!

I will never forget what that one visit did for my son....and me. After seeing him sick for so long, then to see him light up from a visit from Santa was what my soul needed. I told myself last year that if we could we would donate to Toys for Tots...the organization that brought Santa to the hospital that day. I wanted to give back to some other child....lonely.....in a hospital bed.

Check this Out......

2008-12-10T16:08:00.002-06:00

Having a blog on the WORLD wide web means I'm an open target for unsolicited e-mails. Granted I don't get that many, and I do take time to read through "legitimate" e-mails. Often I just read and move on. Rarely a blip on my radar. For some reason I didn't today. I'm glad I didn't.

Here is the e-mail:

I found you off the Diabetes OC blog while searching for blogs of parents of Children with Type I Diabetes. Thought you might be interested in this: http://wallblank.com/products/super-hero

We have just launched Wall Blank (www.wallblank.com) where we put a new limited edition print (sometimes photo, sometimes screenprint, sometimes another type) up every weekday. They're only available for one week. But on Fridays, the artist donates their work and 100% of the proceeds from their print go to a non-profit cause of their choice.

So last Friday, our no profit print was by Kylie Banks whose daughter has Type I Diabetes and all of our profits from this print go to the Juvenile Diabetes Reserach Foundation. The print will only be up for two more days though!

It's a lovely print :) Anyway, thought you might find it interesting. If you have any questions or feedback, feel free to reply. Thanks!

jenn castro

www.wallblank.com

www.twitter.com/wallblank

I decided to follow the link to wallbank, and then followed the link the the artists wallbank site, then followed the link to......oh....you know the routine....I was CAUGHT in the WEB....

What an amazing photos, what amazing posts.....I especially liked this one......Thanksgiving Reflections.

Her daughter was recently diagnosed. If you have time.... swing over and see her wonderful photos, read her blog and give her a cyber hug!! If you feel so inclined .... buy her print from wallbank to help in her fight for her daughter.....all proceeds go to JDRF....you only have until FRIDAY!

D-Day Flashback.....

2008-12-08T17:36:00.003-06:00

ONE YEAR TODAY!!! J.J.'s DIAGNOSIVERSARY!!!

OH....today was just fabulous and I can't wait to blog about it...but the day isn't over and I have so much to tell...but still lots to do......and enjoy! I'll just spin out a few lines right now so I can get back to my family.

First....thanks ya'll for enduring my flashbacks. It's been cathartic.

Second.....I've already written some about this day in these two posts if you want to check it out:

J.J.'s Diagnosis
December 8, 2007

And lastly.....

I've been writing this week about how God prepared my heart to hear the news of J.J.'s diabetes. It was on this day HE carried it. All the scripture He had shown me earlier in the week and the song He opened my ears to came flooding back that first LONG night in the PICU. Yes, I had my Bible, and I tried to read, I did.....but my mind was too full. My heart too much in shock.

I kept thinking of the blind man in John 9:1-3. Why was this man blind from birth? He was born blind to display the works of God!! He was born blind to GLORIFY GOD at the right and perfect time. Nothing is beyond God's loving purposes. I kept thinking over and over, God can use this. God can use this to glorify HIMSELF. Could my son be used to glorify HIS son? I begged God this day one year ago to use this for HIS Glory. I so needed to SEE some purpose in the pain I just watched my son endure. (I was yet to realize the enormity of the disease.)

I filled my mind with everything I was thankful for. Even dumb little things like extended wear contacts!! I didn't have an overnight bag since we went straight from the doc office to the hospital. To be able to wear my contacts for more than 16 hours without them glued to my eyeballs was a blessing! Of course the biggest blessing was to have my son alive.

A blessing indeed.....

Local News Clip.....

2008-12-08T16:20:00.003-06:00

As if I'm not having enough trouble choking down tears today being it's J.J.'s one year diagnosiversary....my brother sends this news clip from Omaha, NE. I'm not sure how to embed it in the post, but check out the video here:

Diabetes Increasing Among Children

This isn't going away people. Educate yourself.... volunteer....donate!! These little guys need a cure!!!

Flashback.....Day 5

2008-12-07T15:15:00.000-06:00

This would be the day before J.J.'s diagnosis. Jason had yet another Christmas party we needed to attend. By this time I was 85% sure it was diabetes, but I was so hoping all the symptoms were a series of coincidences.

Hubby was still not convinced my Mama gut was right. He thought I was being my normal hypochondriac-ic self. He did mention to his dad my suspicions, but told him he thought I was just being paranoid.

We went to the party, but I was questioning whether I should stay home. Since hubby thought it could still be just a stomach bug he said our oldest could handle it. I went to the party, but immediately asked his boss's wife if she knew of anyone with a child with diabetes. She said she did. So I asked her if she knew how they figured it out. She said something about having a spaced out look. That night she was hoping I was wrong and that J.J. didn't have it.

On the way home hubby and I were "talked out".....it was a long ride....so he ended up turning on the radio. Dobson was on the Christian station, so hubby was going to switch the station to get music, but we ended up listening to the show. It was an interview with a family dealing with the chronic illness of a child!!! CAN YOU SAY....HELLO???

I remember when we were almost home I said to Jason, "I can't ignore it any longer." I hadn't told him about the "heart prompts" from the previous days......the song, the chapter in the book, the song AGAIN. So I told him everything and said I couldn't ignore the latest "sign" we just finished listening to.

The report from home that evening was frightening. J.J. was vomiting and sick while we were gone. I should have stayed home......

We Interrupt this Program......

2008-12-06T20:13:00.000-06:00

A friend taught me a new trick with my camera. Can you believe these are lights on a Christmas tree? We had such fun playing!:)

I'll take a break from the flashbacks to sneak in a little Christmas post. We have a few Christmas traditions in our home, but only one we've done continually throughout the years....our Christmas baking and caroling. We started the dipping party yesterday and today we had the cookie party.

91 Cookies in all!

This year baking was a little different with diabetes on board. J.J. couldn't lick his fingers or eat any samples. He set out a paper towel to wipe off his fingers so he wouldn't lick them. As the girls were licking he was wiping!!

How about a finger poke Mom?

We are not sure what happened here!:-)

J.J. with his pirate smile again!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas traditions!!:-)

FIRST ILLNESS???

2008-12-06T20:04:00.002-06:00

I'm not quite sure, but I think we are finally going to experience our first illness with diabetes in play. J.J. hasn't been sick at all since his diagnosis a year ago. A blessing for sure, yet I'm anxious to get through it just once!

I suspected he would be high over night because at dinner last night he said his throat was so sore he couldn't eat. He tells us this AFTER we dosed. So we try to get him to eat all of his carbs. He couldn't down the pineapple....I suspect the cold was changing the taste of it so much he couldn't choke it down. With my other kids I'd let them walk away from the table.....no big deal.....but I've dosed him already.

We struggled for a bit, but then I asked hubby what he thought about offering some of our Christmas goodies to make up for the carb deficit. He couldn't eat any while they were making it, so this was a good time for him to get his share. My normal parenting skills would say "That is really stupid....they need to eat their fruit before they have treats." BUT.....I have to make different choices now.

He ended up NOT running high last night, but this afternoon he's at 410!! YIKES!! HERE WE GO!! Everyone in the house has had this cold except me and J.J. (J.J. and I?? J.J. and me? WHATEVER.....). We tried really hard to avoid it....but very hard to do in a small home with 7 people!! Not happening! It seems to be a quick one....I need that for my first. Thankfully I've read many other mom's blogs to know WE WILL SURVIVE!!:-)

Flashbacks....Day 4

2008-12-05T02:00:00.002-06:00

This day was a tough day. J.J. was getting sicker. He had started to vomit. My Mama heart was concerned for him, yet we've seen plenty of vomiting in this house. There was so much going on, I was in robotic action. I did what I needed to get done, and moved on to the next thing. No real time to think. That is, until I went to the gym.

Gym time is my think time. It's my sanity time, it's MY time. On this particular day a year ago I remember having an issue with one of my girls. So I knew prayer time was in order. I grabbed my copy of "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" by Jodie Berndt, and headed to the gym.

I don't remember the particular issue that day. Whether I needed to pray for this child's relationship with her siblings, or her relationship with me, or having a servant's heart, or "Kids in Crisis".....I don't remember. I just knew I would read the specific chapter while on the treadmill and pray while on the bike.

When I got on the treadmill I began to read.....but I didn't read the chapter I "should" have. I began reading the chapter on Praying for Physical Health and Safety. Don't ask me why! I remember being totally engrossed in the book. My breathing, even though I was on a treadmill, was shallow. I felt like I was in a tunnel. After I finished, I remember slamming the book shut and audibly saying "NO!" while tears welled up in my eyes. (See I told you the people at the gym must think I'm nuts!!)

The chapter focused on how we aren't promised health or safety on this earth. But we are promised that God does love us. His love is so immense. During times of deep trial and asking the hard question of.... "Why would God allow sickness and death to come to our children?".... we need to remember that God sent His OWN Son, who suffered and died. We need to focus our eyes on Jesus. We need to see the bigger picture....even when our own painful circumstances are blaring in our faces. It was not what I was hoping to read......but it was exactly what I needed for the days to come.

As I got in from the gym I was in my bedroom putting clothes away when I hear it again. THAT SONG!! One of my girls was taking a shower in the basement and had the radio on. I RARELY notice that stuff. There seems to always be something ON in this house, so my mind doesn't register what is specifically playing. BUT....there it was.....THAT SONG!!! I couldn't ignore it. Why would it be so blaring? She doesn't have it up THAT loud.

This time I didn't ignore the song. Somehow it was just one more confirmation. One more little heart preparation. One more.....Be PrEpArEd!!............

BUT.....

FOR WHAT EXACTLY??

At that time I wasn't sure....

(Editing note: This week I'm writing mainly about how God prepared my heart to hear the news that J.J. had diabetes. If you want more physical symptoms of the days leading up to his diagnosis check out this post.)

Flashback.....Day 3....He's My Son

2008-12-04T11:59:00.003-06:00

A year ago a song was brought to my attention as I drove to the gym. I had heard it many times on our local Christian radio station. I even knew some of the lyrics. But I never paid much attention to it. Until this day a year ago.

I listened very carefully to the words. As I listened my heart sank. I began to cry. What a sad song. What a heart wrenching song. A father praying for his son, who is apparently sick. But with what?

"Will this be my prayer?" I thought. But I quickly got rid of the thought. Not MY son. But there was that tug...that something or SOMEONE saying "Yes, your son." I tried to ignore it....and I did this day. I took note of the song.....that was all. Took note of it.

What was the song? He's My Son by Mark Schultz. He wrote it after watching a family deal with their son's leukemia. It's a song/prayer any parent would sing for their child...boy or girl. I cannot listen to this song since that day a year ago without tears and sometimes sobs. So please don't play it in my presence just to watch me cry!!:-)

Flashbacks.....Day 2

2008-12-03T14:24:00.002-06:00

A year ago this week was extremely hectic. I remember thinking if I could get through this week I could begin to enjoy the Christmas season. I was teaching a women's study at church which required much mental prep the final two days before I taught. Hubby had 2 company Christmas parties we needed to tackle as well.

On this day a year ago I began searching the internet for symptoms. Diabetes was stuck in my head, so I googled that first. However, I entered a pool of muck as I waded through the information. So much of it was a muddy mess of type 2 with a little mingling of type 1. The symptoms confused me. He had some, but not others, and all of them could be explained away by some other minor problem.....not a major lifechanging disease.

Added to my confusion was the fact that J.J. would have "normal" days. He did seem tired.....but he had seemed that way for some time. So an afternoon nap was not out of the ordinary.

I do remember only looking up symptoms I wasn't going to go down the route of looking up all the treatments and complications. I just wanted to diagnose. That's all. I purposefully tried to limit the information.

This day I didn't act on anything or come up with any conclusions. I had a lot on my mind with the next days lesson I had to teach. Plus J.J. seemed "normal".....other than the bedwetting. At this point there wasn't any urgency.

Flashbacks......Day 1

2008-12-02T23:12:00.003-06:00

It's started....the flashbacks from a year ago. Seeing a Toys For Tots ad reminded me .....and gave me an idea. I won't share that idea with you now. What I will share with you (hopefully) is a day by day flashback of the week leading up to J.J.'s diagnosis. I'm not sure if I shared this yet.....I feel like I've written it down somewhere...sometime....but I can't find it. If I'm repeating myself bear with me as I share this flashback.

It was on this day one year ago my "mama gut", woman's intuition, or whatever you want to call it kicked in. J.J. had been severely wetting the bed for two weeks straight......no days off. Something just didn't set right with me. In the back of my mind I thought it was something more serious than just a boy sleeping really hard and not waking up in the night. It was too consistent and the volume was incredible.

It was on this day I remember thinking maybe it could be diabetes. Don't ask me why I thought that because I knew absolutely nothing about the disease or how it manifested itself.

I remember asking my girls to pray for J.J. I didn't tell them a whole lot. I didn't want to scare them because my "gut" was telling me something. But I wanted them to pray for wisdom. That their daddy and I would know when or if we should take J.J. to see a doctor. I remember them looking at me like I was a little strange because J.J. seemed somewhat normal, just the bedwetting.....no big deal, right?

Check in tomorrow.....or maybe the day after....for the next flashback installment........:)

Long Overdue Update....

2008-11-29T12:57:00.009-06:00

I so apologize for not updating sooner. Unfortunately my mind is full of junk that I'd rather just trash, but it's hard to incinerate. Makes it hard to concentrate to write. But I will give it a whirl today, and maybe catch ya'll up on what's going on here.

J.J.'s tape allergy seems to have gotten a little better. I have to be militant in changing his site every two days. We noticed that when he went swimming he ended up not having hives when the site came off. I noticed that when the site was off after swimming there was no stickiness left, so obviously no residue to cause a reaction with the skin. That got me thinking that possibly just changing and washing more often may help. Even though the site may still deliver insulin effectively, it will have to come off because of his skin reactions. Bummer....because of cost...but if it's what needs to be done, then so be it.

Hubby surprised me with a stay at a Bed & Breakfast last weekend. If you're ever near MN and want a nice romantic getaway try the Rosewood, in Hastings, MN!! It was our first night away since J.J.'s diagnosis. The grandparents were here, but we prepared our oldest daughter for the night checks. It really tugged at my heartstrings. She just seems too young to be taking on this burden even if it is only for one night. (For her take on the night... check here!!)

Thankfully his numbers weren't too whacko while we were gone, and we were able to "manage" via phone....15 calls in a 24 hour period to be exact. Wouldn't seem like much of a break, but it was.....for me anyway.....Jason took ALL the calls!!:-)

The night before we left Jess was still up when I did my 11ish check so I had her do it. J.J. wasn't low, but not high enough to trust him to NOT go low. So I had her give him some milk. As I walked out I said "It's like having a really big baby.":(

Giving milk to him at night is always bittersweet. It often reminds me of feeding him when he was a baby, which brings back floods of memories. Yet, it also makes my heart scream...."I SHOULDN'T BE NIGHT FEEDING MY 5 YEAR OLD!!" He's too old for me to be giving him milk. BTW....he acts so much like an infant when we do give him milk at night. He barely wakes up, starts sucking (we use a sippy lid to avoid spills), and then goes right back to sleep. Doesn't remember it at all.

Last week J.J. received a new pump. It's a 522...barely used. The day it came Jason noticed the old pump had a crack and a leak in it!! So it was a blessing to get the "new" one. We started using the newer features right away. So far it's working great, and we are thankful to have another "cheap" solution.

As far as his BG numbers.....they've been O.K. We have reached a better level of control and feel we are coming out of the pump learning curve fog. Obviously we still have so much to learn, but we aren't seeing incredibly high numbers, and when we do reach the 300's every now and then we know it's o.k. to give a shot right away if it eases our minds. I still need to take more time in evaluating the numbers and adjusting doses and possibly basals, but so far we'll stay on this ledge before we climb anymore. Our bodies and brains can only take so much at any time. We feel like we need time for this level to soak in, then we can move on to the next. So eventually I'll download his meters and his pump and do some more tweaking.

One night last week Jason and I had our signals mixed up or something and we both ended up near J.J.'s bedroom with a meter and headlight. Hubby says to me, "Did you think a year ago that this would be our nighttime apparel?" NOPE!! Ended up J.J. was up anyway, so we snapped a photo.

Another thing I've noticed about our new life is where I find diabetic supplies. The other morning I was preparing for a shower when I looked down to find an old infusion site on a ledge in the shower!! (Notice little Herbie Husker?? GO BIG RED!!:-)

Thanksgiving Day we ended up dosing for many lows. He didn't eat much and played hard. I'm not sure about ya'll, but I'd rather catch minor lows, than deal with outrageous highs. But then again right now he doesn't get the real scary low reactions, so I know for some people that may be flipped. The funny thing on this day was our hostess made an apple pie without added sugar...she used cinnamon and agave nectar....it was really good. BUT.....What does J.J. pick for his choice of pie? PUMPKIN!!! I said, "J.J. don't you want to try this apple pie?" He says, "NO! I don't like apple pie!!" Oh well.....we dosed for the pumpkin....not a big deal.

On Thanksgiving we were asked to share what we were thankful for. I was afraid we would do that....not that I wouldn't have done it here if I were hosting....but I knew I would have to answer. And it's not that I'm NOT thankful, I am....but it's a different type of thankful that is hard to describe without a lot of tears. So I didn't get out much because my mind was so full...if that makes much sense, but I did get out something.

Basically I am so thankful that God is good. He's sustained us through so much this year. It's been difficult....many trials, many screw-up's and many lessons, but I can still proclaim that God is good. He is to me a ROCK!! On the SOLID ROCK I STAND....o.k...sometimes I wasn't STANDING......sometimes I was flat on my face in tears.....but I am still being supported by THE ROCK!!

We are gearing up for our ONE YEAR anniversary. I'm not sure what to call it....a diagnosiversary? What an interesting year......gee how should we celebrate? Should we celebrate? Hmm.......I wonder what others do on the big "D" day anniversary?

Experiment Results....

2008-11-15T21:09:00.003-06:00

As most of you know coping with diabetes is one big science experiment. Our most recent experiment has been with his allergy to the tape on the infusion set. We tried using an I.V. tape....and it was going good for the first 24 hours or so....but the results are in........

HE'S ALLERGIC TO THE I.V. TAPE!!

Yesterday I noticed he had been scratching on the edges of the tape. I could see the redness starting. Tonight when I looked at his bum it looked like a war zone. He's been itching all over. I think that's why his numbers have been running higher....not sure though...could be anything!!

I have a few different tapes to try and other barrier and I.V. prep wipes. Who knows what combination, if any, will work with him.

I've resigned myself to thinking the pump may not be an option at this time. Even J.J. is begging to go back to shots. Yesterday I had to bring down a high with a shot and at the time he was hoping I would take the pump off and go straight to shots. I told him I couldn't just do that. He was breaking my heart. I know the itching must be pretty bad if he is begging to go back to shots.

I do hope we find a solution soon, but I know it may take awhile to finish all the experiments! I just wish I didn't have to use my son in this BIG experiment....or even the little one!:-(

World Diabetes Day

2008-11-14T12:56:00.006-06:00

Today is World Diabetes Day. A day to advocate and educate and remember how much diabetes affects ALL of us. The focus the past two years has been on diabetes in children. Type 1 diabetes in pre-schoolers is growing at a rate of 5% per year!! Scary!! Yes, J.J. is part of that statistic.

As I thought about what I could do on this day to advocate for all people with diabetes but especially my son, I didn't think of anything "special". I'm trying to educate the people around me all the time. Anyone that is interested, and even those that aren't, I try to share what I know. I think we all should do this. Use our own sphere of influence to spread correct diabetes information.

So....nothing real creative from me on this day. But I found something creative, funny, and just plain cool. Enjoy....

THE DIABETES RAP

Unexpected Blood Draw.....

2008-11-13T14:27:00.002-06:00

I'm trying to get in a routine of changing J.J.'s sites every other day because of his allergy to the infusion set tape. This morning was the first time I've only gone 48 hours, so I had 30+ units of insulin left in the reservoir. Not a big deal. I decided to just use the same reservoir and tubing, but change the site. After I injected the site and pulled out the needle blood started coming up the tubing.....just like a blood draw!!! TALK ABOUT FREAKING OUT!! As if I'm not already a bundle of nerves!!! (I can see the snickers from the veteran pumpers out there...but hey this is all so new to me!)

I quickly disconnected the tubing from the set and began searching through all the information I had about blood and site issues. I didn't know if having the tubing without insulin in it was the main reason it was causing it to draw the blood or not.

I wasn't sure if I should change the site or leave it. I hated to change it considering I am trying an I.V. tape underneath the infusion set for the first time. But obviously if there's an issue with him going high or continuing to bleed or infection.....etc....etc......then for sure I know I should change it.

In this photo you can kinda see the extra IV tape I used.

I decided to dose him for breakfast, have him eat a light carb breakfast and see where he ended up. I also then placed a call into the endo's office. Again...just all too stressful. Not that I couldn't logically tell myself this was not a huge deal....if he's high or the site is hurting him I'll just change it out...not a big deal......but it's stressful having all these new issues!! I suppose I can chalk it all up as one big huge learning experience, but I hope I don't have a nervous breakdown before everything settles down!!

Three hours later he was 90!! Great lunchtime number for us. I guess he's getting insulin! I keep inspecting the site for redness, tenderness, more bleeding, etc. But so far it looks healthy and fine. I just wonder if I'll get a blood gush when I take the site out!??

CDE just called and said I did just fine. It was good that I bolused right away to keep the insulin flowing. Also checking and monitoring as usual is the best way to tell if he's getting the insulin he needs and making sure the site stays healthy. She said I probably just hit a surface capillary so I shouldn't get a blood gush when I take the site off.

I just checked his post lunch number and it was 110!!! Pretty good!! He also came and whispered in my ear that he hasn't itched his new site at all. He says it's not itching him like the others did!!:-) YAY!!!

FAQ: Control?.....

2008-11-12T10:13:00.004-06:00

As I get in conversations with others about J.J.'s diabetes, I usually get the question:

"So, when will he be under control? How long does it take?"

I usually hesitate, pause, and ponder this question. Because to me they aren't asking about "control" so much as they are asking when we will see an end to the "endless" blood checks, high and low numbers, getting up in the night to check him, etc. etc. . They are really asking "WHEN WILL HIS NUMBERS STABILIZE ENOUGH SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ALL THIS?"

In the past I've answered....."He'll never be controlled."

But then I began to ponder....Am I really answering this question right? I believe their intent is really asking when everything we do to manage J.J.'s diabetes will end. So I think that is why I answer with... NEVER. But the question always makes me feel guilty....like I should have him under MORE control....OR Can't you figure out this disease?

Today I finally looked up the word "CONTROL" in the dictionary. I realized....thank-you very much....that J.J. is CONTROLLED!!!! Here is the definition of "control" via Merriam-Webster's:

1 a archaic : to check, test, or verify by evidence or experiments(BOY...I DO THIS ALL DAY!) b : to incorporate suitable controls (YEP...USING THE TOOLS I NEED ARE SUITABLE CONTROLS!) in *a controlled experiment*
2 a : to exercise restraining or directing influence over : REGULATE b : to have power over : RULE c : to reduce the incidence or severity of especially to innocuous levels *control an insect population* *control a disease* (YEAH BABY!! I RESTRAIN THIS MONSTER WITH MY CONSTANT WATCH AND CARE..... AND IN AFFECT RULE IT! OVERALL I'M REDUCING IT'S SEVERITY IN MY CHILD!!!)

So....I really haven't been answering this question right. My boy is CONTROLLED.

Now, if the intent of the question is to wonder when his numbers will be sooooooo constant that we don't have to exert any control.....well, that answer is still NEVER. He will have highs, he will have lows, he will be ALL OVER THE BOARD at times.

So I believe I've formulated a NEW answer to this often asked question about control......

"Ummmm.....yes.....J.J. is controlled. But if you are asking when we'll (or eventually he will) have to stop everything we are doing to keep him controlled, the answer is NEVER."

Wow....I feel so relieve to have that settled in my mind!!:-)

I'm too happy......

2008-11-11T10:03:00.005-06:00

After opening my birthday gifts this morning I quickly got back into "reality"....site change, counting carbs, dosing for breakfast and making breakfast. While I was cooking J.J.'s eggs...thinking how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family....he came up to me, so excited and said, "I'm too happy!!" That was it. That's how I was feeling...too happy!! If there could be such a thing.

My kids all surprised me with gifts and cards after my breakfast date with hubby. I was overwhelmed by their generosity. They know me. My oldest quilting daughter spent a huge chunk of her well earned money to give me a quilt kit I had wanted. Now I just need to carve out quilting time!!:-) (Hint, hint!!) Hubby, parents, and my Hannah went in together to get me a slick new camera with accessories. Can't wait to play around with it!! I also got beautifully constructed cards from my talented daughters & son!!

The gifts that brought the biggest laughs, and "awe" factor were from J.J. Last week he came to my bedroom with my "wrapped" gifts. (He taped brown construction paper around everything!). I told him that he couldn't hide my presents in my bedroom....that wouldn't be good. So he took them to his room. His older sister didn't even know he had gotten me gifts. This morning I had the privilege of opening:

A pile of "beautiful" rocks.
A pair of brand new scissors(from MY stockpile drawer!)
A jar with $1.31 in it.

I am too happy!! And the day is just starting!!

Great Service...but......

2008-11-10T21:24:00.004-06:00

......now what??????

J.J.'s sites are really itching him. They don't seem to be infected as it's not at the site of the cannula but the area around, where the adhesive sticks. After talking to the CDE last week, she told me to call Medtronic to have them send out barrier samples.

I called Medtronic late Saturday night. They were extremely helpful & helped me troubleshoot for about 20 minutes. We're thinking J.J. is allergic to a chemical in the infusion set adhesive. Told me they would send me out barrier samples. Little did I know they next day aired them!! About 9 am this morning the supplies arrived. Whoa....now that's service!!

However, I'm kind of wondering where to start and how am I to know if the product works with just ONE sample of each product? And what about the "tapes", like Tegaderm....do I have to cut a hole in it before I put the set on, or will the needle just penetrate the "film"?

Aye, aye, aye......so many NEW things to learn!

Happy D-Blog Day!!.....

2008-11-09T17:50:00.004-06:00

I'll use this post and this day to celebrate blogging. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you to all the D-Bloggers out there. I've read so many blogs....I've lost track. The blogging community has been a large part of my moral support the past 11 months and I can't thank God enough for this avenue of communication.

As I read other parents dealing with this disease it reminds me I'm not alone in my battles. As I read about type 1'ers living as adults with this disease it reminds me that my son does have a future. I can't express enough gratitude for the D-bloggers out there sharing their hearts and lives with the world.....they've greatly encouraged me in my battle to keep my son healthy.

I originally started blogging to inform. Let friends and family know how we were doing. Then it became a way to vent......diabetes is a frustrating disease if you haven't figured that out yet! Then it became my therapy. Writing helps me hammer out my thoughts and emotions. Blogging has been a part of my sanity. Now, I see this blog as encompassing all of these.....a way to inform, a way to vent, and therapy for my sanity.

Sometimes I wonder if it's good to be so open and honest in my posts. I'm definitely open for more attack. But it's where I'm at. It's life, it's living. I believe it's this honesty that helps spread the word about diabetes. Makes it seem like a "real" disease....a tough disease. I know I'm thankful when I read other parents open, honest and raw posts.....I can instantly relate. So I'll continue to be that way here....there's a parent out there going through the same turmoil I am and he/she needs to know they're not alone!

I'll end with special thanks to all the blogs, uh... bloggers I keep up with as much as possible.......... Cara, Donna (where are you? I miss you!), Scott, Kerri, Katie, Jill, Bernard, Sara, Penny .....and so many more.....impossible to list (seriously my right-click fingers were getting cramped trying to hyperlink all the names!!!)

So there you have my post for D-Blogger's Day!!

Another Diabetes Life Lesson......

2008-11-05T07:32:00.005-06:00

A friend is someone who helps you when you're down, and if they can't, they lay down beside you and listen. Author Unknown

Today's post will be a little "preachy" as I share another life lesson God is teaching me through J.J.'s diabetes & other life trials. I know God is pressing something upon my heart and mind when I hear and see examples from multiple places in a very short amount of time. So today I want to focus on what we say, not say, and do with people in complex life situations, or any situation for that matter where we truly have no comprehension or understanding.

My first advice is to BE QUIET and LISTEN and SYMPATHIZE. I'll use a Bible passage for this: Job 2:11-13. Here we see Job's friends approaching him after he has pretty much lost everything but his wife. And I mean everything....including his 10 children, his health, his wealth, etc. He's had a rough time of it. So in come his "friends". Here we see their intentions are right.....they want to sympathize and comfort Job(vs 11). Then we see them weeping with Job (vs12), and we see them remaining silent(v13). These guys have it right, up to this point.

When people are going through some pretty difficult times the best we can do is sit with them, not say a word, shed a tear or two or two-thousand, and listen. So often we think there has to be more than that, that we have to open our mouths. I know I do. I talk from nervousness. I talk from being uncomfortable with the situation. But if I'm not thinking about myself, I'll realize the best thing to do is to sit and listen and sympathize.

My second advice is to NOT OFFER PAT ANSWERS TO COMPLEX and HARD TO UNDERSTAND LIFE SITUATIONS. This is where Job's friends get into big trouble. They opened their mouths. I won't try to unpack all their "advice", but I will say that a lot of it was theologically right. The problem was it was spoken with a lack of compassion. It was spoken from a lack of understanding of who God is and what He accomplishes through suffering. It ended up NOT consoling Job what-so-ever. In fact it led Job to go down thought processes he probably wouldn't have otherwise.....to the point where God is rebuking Job. I wonder if these "friends" weren't there if Job would've needed to be rebuked? But either way he learned a lesson as well: Don't listen to "friends" such as this, but do pray for them.

So what do I mean about PAT...ie "textbook".... answers to life's complex situations? To offer an example and exhortation I'll quote from a book the girls and I are reading together, Words That Hurt Words That Heal, by Carole Mayhall. The author writes:

"After my sister's painful death, I went through a period of non-feeling. I seemed to be dead inside-void of any feeling, either happy or sad. Even my times with the Lord were blah. When I told an acquaintance of this, she said quickly, "It must be an attack of Satan." It wasn't, but her surface answer stifled further discussion.

Before Joye's death, I could have given you several reasons for pain and suffering. After her death, I could have given you those same reasons. But I wouldn't have. I came to realize that reasons don't help when a person is crushed with grief.

.....But God's ways are higher than either our ways or our comprehension. In the complexities of life, we flounder until we accept the fact that while truth is simple, life is, in many cases, impossible to understand.

Please then, deliver me from cliches. Deliver me from pat answers. Deliver me from surface statements about deep and complex issues. Deliver me from careless speech."

The third bit of advice is tied closely to the second: DO NOT TRY TO BE MR. or MRS. FIX-IT. To me this is a person that goes a bit beyond the pat answers. Spends a little more time "talking" to you, trying to FIX you. Unfortunately when people are in deep hurts and pain, they cannot be "FIXED". It takes time for the hurt to subside. And sometimes the hurt comes and goes as "scabs" get ripped off again and again. It's a process that takes time....and the element of time is different for everyone. Often with this type of person it's more about them, than it is about you. They don't want to "feel" your pain anymore, so they're going to fix it.

The next bit of advice is tied to the first: DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO UNDERSTAND. This requires time. It requires patience. It requires hours and hours of just ASKING QUESTIONS and truly LISTENING...or in the blog world... READING! Do you want to understand a little bit of our "new" lives? Read this blog! It will take time if you haven't been with us from the beginning. But it will help you understand the ride we are on.

I totally understand as well, that even though we can take the time to try to understand a persons complex life situations we may truly NEVER understand. But at least we've made the effort. We've remained quiet. We've sat, we've listened, we've wept. And there may come a time where we feel compelled (through the Holy Spirit) to open our mouths or our keyboard. If we do I hope we do it after taking the time to listen, after much prayer, and with gentleness. The tongue of the wise does bring healing.....but too often we speak rashly!(Proverbs 12:18)

Finally, the very best thing you can do for a person in life's complex difficult situations: PRAY!

James 5:13 says "Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray."

Obviously this is exhorting the one suffering to pray. But it's a privilege for others to offer up prayers as well for those that are suffering. And if you tell the person you are praying for them....I hope you REALLY are praying for them. I've been guilty of saying I'm in prayer for someone or some situation when in reality if I did pray it wasn't true intercessory praying. That may not make sense, but basically it was a quick prayer without thought.

I know some have gotten to this point and are thinking..."Wow, I'm not saying anything to them again." But that's not what I'm saying at all. So many people have given us "healing words", it's incredible. People with life giving words are those that have an understanding of suffering, that have learned the lessons I'm writing about today. Their words are not pat answers, their words are from the depth of suffering themselves. Their words are spoken with tears. Their words are spoken after much listening. I'm just saying....we all could learn some of these life lessons....imagine if we all spoke only after much prayer and pondering.

So..anyway...these thoughts have been on my mind lately. While I know this post is "preachy", I'm really preaching to myself. These are the things I'm learning through our own complex life situation. But I hope these thoughts are helpful to you as well.

First Pump Pack...

2008-11-04T22:03:00.002-06:00

Tonight I finally got around to making a pump pack for J.J. We've had problems with his tubing breaking off right at the tip of the reservoir. Our clinic really advised us to use pump packs for his age. We were given one at the clinic, but he needs to wear a belt to use it. He usually doesn't wear a belt. As I type this I realize what I needed to make was a belt instead of a pack....oh well....I made both. I need to tweak it a bit, but for only working an hour....not bad!

What a ride.....

2008-11-04T15:45:00.001-06:00

If ya'll haven't noticed caring for J.J. is a wild roller coaster ride. Highs, lows, twists, turns, loop-d-loops. Just looking back over the blog entries helped me "see" the ride we're on. Seems like one day we're up, the next down.

I just want to thank everyone who is staying on the ride with us!! You know who you are and I appreciate having the company.....granted you have the privilege of getting off the ride...I still appreciate it when you're with us in spirit and in prayers. Means the world to us. All you D-bloggers out there....thanks for the encouragement as well!! What would I do without the internet!!?

Today is an UP day!! After Saturday night's highs, being up til the wee hours of Sunday morning, nearly chopping hubby's head off in church(brought on by the stress of J.J. still in the 400's!), taking a long nap, then loving hubby to the Nth degree(a nap was much needed!), finally seeing some decent numbers on Monday, and today getting a phone call from our CDE.......phew....today is much better! ROLLER COASTER!!!

I called our CDE yesterday after reading some of the comments to my blog....again....thanks much to the D-Bloggers out there. I had to admit I haven't run a lot of what was happening by our CDE. Also, yesterday I decided to download our meters into the computer and see if I could analyze the numbers a bit. Right away I noticed I saw a few trouble areas, plus the line graph revealed that he was so stable during the week, but the weekends were CRAZY!! This reassured me that the pump is in fine working order....(This is a contention with hubby....he automatically thinks the pump is failing, while I on the other hand have about 10 other things I think of before I think the motor is going bad!!...Love ya, hon!!:)

Our CDE was able to help explain some of the past two weekend's situations. For one she said we may NEVER know WHY he went as high as he did. We could get 6 different opinions but all of them would still only be hypotheses'--nothing concrete. YAY!! I can stop racking my head against the wall!!(Not literally....although seriously was contemplating it!)

She did help explain why the highs were taking so long to come down. Seems that once he's that high he is resistant to insulin. Also, trying to dose with the pump for those highs will take longer. They don't know why the pump absorption rate is slower, but that's what they've seen in practical experience. So she said a strategy a lot of parents use is once they reach the 300's or 400's they automatically correct with a syringe until they see the numbers stabilize, then they check to make sure basals are working etc. Doesn't mean we don't check the obvious tubing issues, etc....but if a visual is not showing any signs of problems with the pump then don't automatically assume it's the pump. Sometimes it is the set, tubing etc, but in both cases this month he was getting insulin fine by the pump.

She also gave us a few things to try for J.J.'s sites. We believe he is allergic or greatly irritated by the adhesives on the infusion set. At times the sets have itched so bad he rips them off. At other times it's after I take them off he itches to the point that they bleed. It's mainly where the adhesive is, not where the cannula enters the skin. So we're going to try a few things and if they don't work I'll have to call her back. I'm assuming we'll have to try a different infusion set. I'm not sure how far we go before it really isn't benefiting him to be on the pump. For now we'll hope the simple answers work.

It was also a good call, not only because we got a few things figured out, but because she complimented me, inadvertently. She said a few things about my character that lend themselves well to the care of J.J. that I've often thought of as negatives. So while my detail oriented, critical thinking, analyzing mind may drive everyone else crazy it seems to be working well in caring for my son. Thank-you Lord!:-)

So if today is UP.....does it mean tomorrow will be down?? Maybe if I close my eyes and scream really loud with my hands in the air on the way down it will feel better!........hmmmmm....I'll have to try it!

Pumping.......WHY???......

2008-11-02T00:22:00.003-05:00

Yes, this is another WHY IN THE WORLD ARE WE PUMPING? post. It's past midnight, my son has been in the 400's since 9 pm. We've followed pump protocols, yet we don't see any improvements. The second time in a week!! 400's are not good....and they are coming at night. So that means hourly checks to make sure we see the numbers come down. How am I to get any sleep? The stress of the high numbers keeps me up wondering if he's getting any insulin......if he'll end up being sick in the morning if I let it go....which he would be, by the way!!

I'm about done with this little "pump experiment". Right now I am saying it's definitely NOT working for us. At least on Lantus we got sleep!! We only had to get up once in the night with Lantus. At least on Lantus we could go to social situations.....where the food is somewhat hard to count carbs.....and come out "reasonable", and see the numbers come down quickly.

NOT HAPPENIN' on THE PUMP!!!

Tonight was another "big" night. Our church has a "Reformation Party" every year to replace halloween. (Long story...let's not go there.) At any rate.....the place was packed full of sugar!! I didn't like Halloween before diabetes....now I loath the "holiday". It's a diabetics nightmare.....and for kids especially. I have to confiscate all the kids bags when they get home and "regulate" the influx....I've done that in the past pre-diabetes....you forget I have a Smarties Suspect .....I just can't trust some of my kids not to eat the whole bag of candy in one sitting. Anywho....

J.J. tells us he didn't eat any "extra" candy....actually I don't think he had one piece of candy, but he did have a rice krispie chocolate bar my hubby made for the party. We dosed really high for it....thinking for sure we've covered our basis.

AGGGHHHH.......I'm up late trying to rack my brain again. What, why.......how did he get to the 400's.....and why isn't he coming down??? We just didn't see this on MDI.

So yes, tonight....or should I say...this morning I am severely disheartened with the whole pump thing....I fought the pump and the pump won. I really think I'm done with it. I want sleep, I want a peace of mind, and I'm sick of troubleshooting the thing all the time.

*****EDIT******
UPDATE: 1:45 a.m.--This kid is not coming down. I wish I could figure out what was going on. He has an insulin sensitivity factor of around 200 at night......that means one unit of insulin can bring him down 200(normally). So far this evening he's had 6 units since 9pm!!! SIX UNITS! Four of those units have been by injection in the belly. Plus we've increased his basals to 125%. He is still in the 400's! I'm praying now for strength....Phil 4:13.

AS A POSITIVE......I'm learning a lot on these nights I do stay up. My mind has a hard time concentrating, and my body is often too tired to do much either, but I manage to learn what it's like to pray and to listen to some awesome preachers.....sometimes they actually help me fall asleep:-).....yes, their voices do lull me to sleep, but often it's the words that calm my heart. Reminding me that even though this disease is maddening and constantly changing .....my God isn't. He is constant in His love and care for me and J.J. God loves J.J. more than I ever could. His love never fails or falters. So when I'm weak, tired, and weary, these sleepless nights are providing me much time to learn more about my God. So in that I can be thankful.

One more positive.....it's "fall back night".....YIPPEE....my computer clock just went from 2 a.m. to 1 a.m. .....I gained an hour of sleep. We may actually make it to church on time.....if I can crawl out of bed in the morning. We shall see!:-)

Divorce....

2008-10-31T08:04:00.003-05:00

Often I wake up in the morning with a "theme" or a central thought or idea. This morning it was divorce. As we hear of more and more people we personally know get divorced it doesn't surprise us.....tell me how two sinners are "compatible?"......but it does sadden us. It scares us actually. Will we be the next ones?

We were informed recently that when a child is diagnosed with a chronic illness the divorce rate jumps to 80%. Eighty percent seems high. That thought has been swirling in my head recently. I can understand how it can happen though. Caring for a "diseased" child can be an overwhelming task. The 24/7/365 care takes it's toll on a person...and a marriage. It takes a lot of understanding from both parents. Both parents have to be committed to the care and to each other.....otherwise they will fall on the 80% side of the statistic.

Here's where I get honest folks. It's not easy. J.J.'s diagnosis and the various other trials (read....hurricanes) that have come into our lives the past couple of years have taken it's toll on our marriage at times. At times we've become selfish.....we turn our focus on ourselves I think in an attempt to "preserve" ourselves in some way. But in reality we end up pushing each other farther apart.

Hubby and I handle "grief" and pain differently. One way may seem "superior" to another, but in reality they are just different. Because of this difference we have become resentful of one another and our methods of grieving. Thankfully we finally realized what it was doing to us, and our marriage. This was huge.....because resentfulness and bitterness can eventually destroy a marriage.

As we've received counsel in this area we realize that the challenges we now face in our marriage have increased. We realize that we have to be intentional with our marriage. We can't just "float" along......or we'll sink. We also realized that it's "simple" if we keep our focus. Simple in that there are three things that have to top our priority list.....just three....and if we keep these three in perspective then we'll make it.

Love Jesus

Love each other

Love your children

I don't know why I needed someone else to show me this, but I did. I need to love my three J's.....Jesus, Jason, & J.J.....

(O.K....I know I have other children....which I do love.... but this blog is about J.J.'s diabetes....and "the three J's" sounded good:-).

I need to be intentional and focused on these during the hurricanes, and I can't let one of them slip into the sea. And yes, I do understand that even keeping these three from slipping is a humongous task some days. That's why I have my prayer requests on the sidebar of this blog. I made those in January of this year.....not fully realizing the impact this disease would have on us. Prayer has held us together.....is holding us together....and keeping us together. Thank you for your prayers.....we feel them!:-) I know it's those prayers and our faith that will keep us from becoming another divorce statistic.

Help! I'm in a Dream......

2008-10-29T08:34:00.002-05:00

A lot has transpired since the last post. The high numbers of that night and the following day and night caused us to increase his basals. Yesterday, however, I did go back to normal basals, but ended up with correction bolus's. Not too whacky, but not what our old "normal" was....so we were still on "alert mode".

Last night, however, is just causing our heads to shake. We have NEVER had a night like this. When he went to bed he was 84. A little low for night time numbers, but we didn't want to correct considering the last two nights. We decided to just wait and watch.

Here are the results from last night:

84, 95, 95, 96, 93

Then woke up at 70!

What in the WORLD???? I must be dreaming!!! In the middle of the night I asked hubby what the number was then jokingly said "Did our meters break?". For sure something is just NOT right. But everything is working right.

Now my little heart is wondering if this is what a new "normal" could look like. To have him stay steady all night is a DREAM of ours. This is one dream I hope we don't wake up from...but......I'm too much of a "realist"...I know it can't last. Tonight is a new night.....but maybe, just maybe.....the dream will come true again!

Mad at Diabetes..........

2008-10-27T08:05:00.005-05:00

If there was ever a time in the past year that I wanted to punch the living daylights out of diabetes last night was it. If there was ever a time I wanted to yell, "YOU DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DISEASE!!!!", last night was it. O.K....who am I fooling....right now is it!!!

I usually know myself pretty well, and I must say that I often get angry because I can't figure something out. Diabetes is a disease where we often can't figure out what is going on..... Or at least right now we can't. Our eyes aren't trained to figure out why our son will go from the 130's to the 500's in a matter of 2 hours for no apparent reason.

Last night I was tired. It's been a long weekend. Fun, fulfilling weekend, but tiring weekend. I just wanted to go to bed, no worries. J.J. had a higher fat meal.....no big deal, right? We saw his numbers come down pretty well. J.J. was also rough housing with his sister and cousin......and running....man was he running. For sure if anything we're treating a low, not a high!! But NO, DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DIABETES decides to give us a high.

We spotted it at 480! My eyes do a double take. NO WAY!! YES... WAY!! I'm for sure thinking adrenaline high. But hubby reminds me of his high fat meal. But I come back with, "Yeah, but you've been in the basement and haven't seen him running a marathon up here. There's no way he could be this high....unless adrenaline kicked in."

Well, at that point we dose a unit to give us a feel for what we are dealing with. An hour later.....542!!!

So now I'm looking at dosing with a syringe.....changing a site....maybe it came out with the rough housing.....BUT IT WAS FINE....no kinks, no nothing. UGH....I can't figure this out.....why is he rising? Now, I'm UP!! I'm UP....my mind is UP. UP.....when, by golly, I WANT TO GO TO BED!! We have a long travel day ahead of us.......

DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DISEASE!!!

At 2:15 when I passed the meter duty to hubby J.J. had made it to 298......but still taking such a long time to come down......and we were still wondering when all that extra insulin would make him come crashing to earth.

Well......so far it hasn't. He only tweaked into the 100's by making it to 197 at 7 am. But here it is 8:30 am and he's 359!!! So now I'm wondering what in the world are we dealing with? Is he getting sick? It's apparent the new site is giving him some insulin to bring him down to 197. I last dosed him at 1:15 am with the pump, but why jump so high in an hour and a half with no carbs, no nothing? Is his pancreas on it's last "Hurrah", which would mean his basals need major tweaking?

UGH!!!

DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DISEASE!!!

On top of all of it I'm dealing with one crushed little boy, who instead of having grandma's cinnamon rolls this morning, is stuck with scrambled eggs and diet pop.

DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DISEASE!!!

I know, I know.......it doesn't help to get mad......but......does crying?

DUMB STUPID IDIOTIC DIABETES!!

Ah.....relief.......

2008-10-21T09:39:00.003-05:00

I can't fully explain the strain on our hearts when we can't figure out why J.J. is going high or low all the time. Hubby said on Sunday that instead of a stressful diabetes DAY it's been a stressful diabetes WEEK. It's true. We thought we were coming out of the high numbers, then to see them steady eddy HIGH again, was disconcerting.

Well, this morning we were finally "relieved". My heart suddenly felt lighter when I changed his site.

Last night as I was preparing for "site change morning", I noticed in our diabetes stash, infusion sets that said "9mm" instead of "6mm". WHAT? NINE......not SIX!! Well that would explain a ton. Like why J.J. was continually complaining that his site hurt....ummmm he rarely complains beyond the initial "shock".

This morning when I took the site off it looked huge to me, plus it was "partially" kinked. So that would explain the highs as well.....depending probably on how much insulin I was dosing at any given time. Anyway....

RELIEF!!!

Problem solved.....at least this one.....now on to a new one....

When I was changing the site our reservoir didn't look right and I couldn't get it to release it's suction. I remember seeing a picture of a "bad" reservoir in one of the books I have, also reading about the pressure issue. So as I changed the site I was combing through my books.....still trying not to release the pressure so I didn't ruin the reservoir. Anyway.....figures that the O-ring on the bottom the reservoir had a leak. I quickly read how I could've remedied it BEFORE I put insulin in, but it was too late. I had to trash the reservoir.

ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED!!!

So much to learn......I think I'm all learned out.....but I'll take the RELIEF that comes with finally LEARNING!!

Stressful Diabetes Day......

2008-10-18T22:02:00.002-05:00

That's what my husband said tonight at dinner......"It's been a stressful diabetes day."

It all started around midnight. His numbers all night were in the 300's or 400's. This morning he had trace ketones----the first positive ketones since leaving the hospital. We changed his site this morning and saw the numbers come down and ketones clear out, but then right before dinner we see another 400+ reading.

I know there will be days like this and I know there will be times he is high, and times he is low. However, it's always stressful. It's stressful because we will always have to "troubleshoot". There will never be a time when we say "Oh well, he's 406."....and go on our merry little way. Our hearts will be strained and our minds in the C.S.I. mode until the problem is solved or the numbers stabilize.

We finally figured out last nights problem. At first we kept thinking it was the pizza. We were beginning to think the kid will NEVER eat pizza again as long as he lives. But as the night progressed it was apparent this was more than just a pizza night.

This morning when I disconnected J.J.'s site I felt and heard the grittiness. Then I saw the grittiness fall from his site. There was a ton of sand in the lock. I asked him if he was playing naked in his dirt pit?!!! He laughed at that....but I was trying to figure out how that much sand/dirt could get into his site. Later when he took off the site from his skin the cannula was kinked. The poor kid was getting NO INSULIN all night. All the corrections.....nothing. All the basals.....nothing.

I guess we chalked this one up as a learning experience. First....hubby needs to do more site changes. He's only done one.....so he's more hesitant to change a site in the middle of the night when he's tired and it's dark, etc. Second.....dosing with a syringe is extremely important in these situations. Even if hubby didn't want to change a site, a dose with a syringe would've helped a lot. It would've helped carry J.J. to the morning when hubby or I could change his site without trying to struggle with a tired sleepy boy.

The afternoon 400+ reading we are still clueless about. However, at 10:30 p.m., we're starting again in the 300's!!!

Aye, aye, aye............I hope we can figure out all this pump stuff soon. It's crazy!!! I just keep thinking....."We didn't see numbers like this on MDI. We should go back". I also think that if this continues much longer they're going to send ME to the hospital with a heart attack, stroke, or nervous breakdown or something!!

Praying for a less stressful diabetes day tomorrow!!

Site Change in the Dentist Chair.....

2008-10-15T08:50:00.007-05:00

Yesterday J.J. had his first dental appointment. I was anxious to see how his teeth were holding up after all the milk/juice he gets in the night to combat lows. Plus, a couple weeks ago, J.J. was eating ice when he came to us saying he had a loose front tooth. When I looked at the tooth it didn't seem like a "normal" loose tooth. Just seemed like the whole root was intact. Well, two days ago the tooth came out. Throughout this whole process there was no blood. Plus none of my children have naturally lost a tooth this young. So I was anxious to see the X-Rays.

Well.....diabetes decided to come to the forefront yesterday. He had been in the 200's the night before. Very odd for him. He was "scheduled" for a site change yesterday morning, but we had squeaked out one extra day on the previous site, so I thought I'd try to at least dose his breakfast and see where he landed. If he was still high I'd have to change his site.

What I wasn't planning on was him going sky-high. We had to pack lunches to eat in the car, and of course J.J. wanted to eat as soon as he got in the car. We weren't quite to the end of our lane when I hear, "MOM, HE'S 376!" WHAT?.......376!!!

Wow!! O.K...here I am about to drive an hour to the dentist and now I've got a potential site change situation. I decided to dose him with the pump and check him when we got to the dentist. As I began to pull out on the highway, I realized I might actually, truly, really have to do a site change at the dentist. I did a quick U-turn, and headed home to get all the supplies I would need.

When we get to the dentist he's 298. Not great, but coming down. I told my daughter, who was there to help, to check him in an hour since I was first to go back to get my teeth cleaned. If he was higher she needed to come back to me. Same or lower she could let it go.

I had really forgotten about the situation, when I felt someone watching. Yep, you guessed it. Then I hear, "Mom, he's 406." I took one look at him, and knew. He looked like he had the flu....I'll never forget those "looks" when he's high. Anyway... the instructor had just shown up to check the hygienist's work....she offered to come back...but I said "no, way...you stay here."(It takes a bit for the instructors to make their rounds, so I didn't want her to leave!) I asked them for a plastic cup and sent J.J. to the bathroom to check ketones. Thankfully they were negative.

After the instructor left. I decided I couldn't trust the site anymore. I dosed for the high with a syringe. Then straddling the dentist chair I used it for my "work table." I changed the site right there. It was actually the most discreet place I could do it, since we were tucked way back in the corner of the room. For some odd reason I remained pretty calm. The only thing was trying to remember it all while being "under pressure". I was somewhat disorganized, and the hygienist seemed a little nervous, but J.J. was taking it all in stride. She told me later that it was cool to see him so calm, like he was saying "Just chill everyone. I do this all the time."

I had my daughter check his blood before it was his turn to get his teeth checked. He had come down to 345 in 45 minutes. It dawned on me then that our insulin was probably at the end of it's potency life. So I really had quite a few things stacked against me. A bad site......old insulin.....and his nervousness of going to the dentist for the first time. What a combination!! Thankfully about dinnertime his numbers were back to normal.....where they've remained until now.

As a side thought in all of this.....I'm coming to realize more and more how misinformed or clueless people are about Type 1 diabetes. I mean I KNOW I was clueless before his diagnosis, so I must learn to be patient. But at the same time, it's a little sad. I wish more people knew.

The hygienist who worked on J.J. read the form I filled out. They had questions like.... has he been treated in the hospital the past 2 years....using any medications.....under the supervision of a doctor.....etc. So I answer he's been diagnosed with type 1, under supervision of an endo, and taking insulin to control his diabetes. The hygienist comes to ask me about these answers, and to get my consent for treatment. It was so apparent she was clueless. She asked me how J.J. took his insulin? I said "He has on insulin pump." She said "Oh, is it in pill form?" I didn't bother to really respond to that....I just stated again that he's on an insulin pump.

Now, by this time I've already changed his site and my hygienist is trying to help me answer the questions, but you could tell J.J.'s hygienist was clueless. She asked how long he would be needing treatment and if he's controlling it, etc. etc. Ummm.....let's see.....today it's not so "controlled", and what exactly does control mean in a type 1'er?.....I mean 400's doesn't seem like control to me, if I were thinking of a non-diabetic, but in the sense that I stopped him from going to the hospital I'd say he was "controlled" today. And the answer to how long.....UNTIL HE DIES!!! Anymore questions????

She walked away......still......

CLUELESS!!!

P.S.....If anyone was wondering about that lost tooth....NaTuRaL!!! Although I question the dentist. She only took bitewings....not the front teeth. I really wanted to see the film for those front teeth. If a new tooth doesn't emerge here in the next month I'm thinking this dentist was....

CLUELESS!!!!

Endo Visit #3....

2008-10-02T18:47:00.003-05:00

So today was the big A1C day. The diabetes report card. I never really look forward to hearing the results, but am always curious. I was somewhat shocked by the results this time. Having been on MDI for two of the last three months, then the last month on the pump I figured it would be higher. I mean we've seen some pretty bad numbers the past month. Scary numbers. But he ended up at a 7.1% this time.....a .4% decrease. Now I wonder....Could he have been in the 6's if we continued on MDI??? I guess we'll never know.

I want to say that I absolutely love this endo. She is the only reason I continue to stay at this clinic. She treats me as a team player, not a subordinate. She listens and she doesn't talk down to me. She knows I'm the one that has to take care of J.J. 24/7/365 and doesn't get wrapped up in a numbers game. I really like her. That's saying a lot for me....I really don't like many doctors.

Right away she could tell that the "bolus wizard" we were using on the pump was not benefiting us. By using the older model pump we were having to override the "suggested dose" almost all the time. She told me to not use it because it sounds like I can do a better job doing the math on my own than relying on the pump to "suggeest" a dose. I don't know why, but that was totally liberating. The CDE made it sound like J.J.would have aweful numbers and we would get better results using the bolus wizard. I guess most people do......I'm not most people.

So I'm turning off the bolus wizard!!! YAY!! When we get a newer pump we may try the "wizard", but for now we'll stick with a using a good 'ol calculator and pad of paper.

Right away she noticed that we do great in the morning and early afternoon, but after that the numbers are whacky. She suggested not working with the basals anymore because we are really at a high percentage for his age. She said we need to tweak the correction and food doses. So we'll go for that. I think if I can get MDI back in my head, but use the pump for dosing, I'll be set.

As far as our high nighttime numbers she says they see it a lot in kids J.J.'s age. The problem is the growth hormone factor......which by the way he grew a little and gained a little......and the fact that his stomach takes a bit longer to process food. There's so much going on in that little body we can't begin to predict. What she suggested is being more aggressive with our first correction dose.....basically push the envelope.....and ditch the bolus wizard. She said putting him to bed at 150 and seeing him wake up at 150 right now is not feasible.......and here I was trying to obtain that. He is still in his honeymoon phase.....so we don't know what his body is kicking out for insulin. She said until his pancreas is fully inactive we will have to deal with the instability.....but we should be thankful he still has some function and we shouldn't rush the process.

So other than the long drive and full day it was a good appointment. I just wish I could work with her all the time....ditch the CDE's!!! Just kidding....there are good CDE's out there!!!

Good Grief Revisited.......

2008-09-30T13:39:00.004-05:00

It's no wonder my interest in grieving considering the year I've had. Between losing a grandma and a baby, and having a son diagnosed with diabetes, I'd say I have some sort of right to focus on this topic. I know I've talked about grieving before, and at the time had no idea there were books out there with the same title.

In mid August I got my hands on this little gem of a book. I wasn't sure what to expect since I happened upon it while ordering our books for school. I ended up being extremely encouraged by it and thought I'd share the title: Good Grief by Granger E. Westburg

This book is for anyone going through a loss no matter how small. The author recognizes that we grieve over things in life that aren't directly related to someone dieing. Sometimes we grieve over life's disappointments....not getting the job we hoped for, or seeing a loved one go in the wrong direction, or maybe something seemingly little like losing car keys. All these can cause us to grieve.

This book outlines the basic stages that people experience while grieving. Although it doesn't go into great detail about HOW TO MOVE THROUGH a stage, it does describe the stage, and what to expect. That information in itself can be comforting, and help the grieving person realize they are NORMAL. That is what this little book did for me. It opened my eyes to the whole process and realize that it is normal, it is common, and we can and move through and work through the grief.

I would recommend this book for everyone, whether grieving or not. Eventually we all suffer some sort of loss and "grieve".

***************************************

As a little side update on me.....I will say the past month or so has been difficult. Yes, there are multiple trials going on in my life, but this was different, and I could tell. I was in a deep depression. I was somewhat surprised by it, considering that I seemed to have weathered the storms of this past year. Yet, I thought, "maybe it's all just hitting me now."

However, it dawned on me that I had read somewhere that Allegra can cause anxiety disorders and depression in people. I had taken Allegra in the past, but not more than a few days here and there. This time I've been taking Allegra for 6 weeks. So I decided last Saturday to stop taking it. I was at a low of lows. I honestly didn't think it was the Allegra.......I mean "good grief" there's enough going on here to cause anyone to go bonkers, but I thought I should try anything that might help. Yesterday I woke up and couldn't believe how much better I felt. I had energy and clarity of mind, and the "weight" was gone. Seriously.....a night and day difference.

So today although my nose is running and my eyes are itching I'll take it over the "darkness" Allegra caused any day!!! Now I'll pray for a hard freeze!!:-)

Site Change Morning.....

2008-09-30T13:18:00.004-05:00

This morning was a site change morning. Site change mornings right now are a little hectic, especially if I'm not prepared for them and completely forget that it is a site change morning.

We change J.J.'s site every 3 days right now. But I can see in the future how that may vary. Like this last site seemed to give us high numbers after just two days. Whereas we've had other sites where we've wondered, "Why in the world am I changing this? His numbers are great."

After I finished this morning I happened to glance back at the table and couldn't pass up the photo-op. I had to pause and consider how much diabetes takes over our kitchen table most days. I thought about one of J.J.'s common phrases:

"Before I had diabetes I used to _____________."

Before J.J. got diabetes the end of my kitchen table was usually filled will my computer, homeschool materials, or projects of the day. Now it looks like this:

If you click on each of the pictures, it will take you to my Flickr site where I've tagged the items and explain what each item is, and how we use it.

First Day of School.....kinda..... sorta....maybe?

2008-09-22T15:21:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, I homeschool our five children. I generally don't talk about it much because I feel that it has just as many if not more misconceptions than diabetes. Both diabetes and homeschooling are topics that take a long time to explain to people. Some people get it, some don't, some never will. Today I decided a little glimpse into our homeschool life may be good.

I think it's interesting that we hear from a lot of people: "Oh, you are so lucky you are homeschooling. You would not want to deal with the schools while trying to manage J.J.'s diabetes." While I agree to some degree with that statement.....I can be thankful for not having to figure out how to teach the school personnel to care for J.J.....my life is not without it's difficulties.

Take for instance his diagnosis last December. WOW!! As a homeschool mom I have a pretty good schedule in place for subjects. It was established and in full swing by the time we found out J.J. had diabetes. But I still had to enforce it, and be on top of it, and manage it, and....and....and....all that while learning a new disease, and all the emotional and eventually from lack of sleep....physical challenges diabetes threw at me.

I don't know how we managed. The Lord was good and gracious to get us through the rest of the school year.

However, this year is not in place yet. I was trying to establish our schedule the day we found out he would start the pump a week later. I knew I would not be in any condition to start the school year. The kids are so resistant in the beginning. It's hard to re-establish the schedule.....attitudes are a big problem. So I knew with no sleep it would be virtually impossible to start a new schedule. I decided the beginning of October would have to be our "official start". Not a huge deal......

Yet, it is a huge deal. It's looming in the back of my head......yet, my body, my emotions scream........NO!!! STOP!!! I don't want to add that back in yet.....but I know I have to......

So.....today.....J.J. got his very first Math book!!! He was so excited. We sat outside and did 6 lessons!!! I couldn't believe how easy they were. He was getting bored, and I was getting worried that I should've placed him higher. But when he was done I peeked ahead and saw some things I know he needs to learn and decided to trudge through the easy stuff.

I'm almost finished completing the rest of the schedules.......that's a lot of my work right now. My sophomore takes good care of herself. At her age I expect her to "own" her education, which she does. I supply her with the materials, grade her work, and offer guidance....but she sets her own schedules. Usually they are much higher than my expectations. That is such a blessing to me.

So while it's not officially our first day of school, we've done a few things today to get our minds geared up. Hopefully we will be in full swing by October 1st. In reality we've been here before as we've added children to our family.....this time we're adding "diabetes". It's not easy but we manage.

"Where's my pencil, Mama?"

Keyword Activity.........

2008-09-21T15:03:00.002-05:00

I've noticed a few d-bloggers going through their stat counters and seeing what words people use to end up at their blog. Most of the bloggers list the odd keywords, or the funny ones. I thought I'd join the bandwagon and check my counter. Here I was thinking I need a good laugh. There's always some funny ones on there. Unfortunately, the searches didn't make me laugh.

As I scrolled through pages and pages of the past 500 keyword searches, they made me sad. Very sad. They had to do with diagnosing diabetes in a one year old, five year old, 4 year old, toddler. How to give insulin shots, "insulin shots bruise me", eye exams, medtronic pumps, etc.

So many had to do with diabetes, mainly diabetes in children. That was sad to me. Yet, at the same time it gave me a reason for writing. My hope in writing about our diabetes journey is to give others going through this a sense that they are not alone. Also my hope is to educate. Educate my family and friends and even strangers reading. Well, mainly strangers since I only know of a couple family members and a few friends reading this.

Although the major majority of the keywords were about diabetes.....a few were interesting. The top number one search recently has been "diabetes boy". Makes sense since I have a whole post dedicated to that term. But this one makes me scratch my head: "do chickens need to be kept in at night". I re-read the post it was sending the person to, and I just don't get it. Chickens weren't mentioned once!!

I guess the one I liked the most was "can diabetics eat smarties". Mainly because my son has eaten more Smarties in the past year since his diagnosis than his first 4 years combined. So whoever queried about the Smarties......the answer is a resoundig YES!!:-)

So.......Why are we pumping?....

2008-09-18T19:45:00.005-05:00

You know it's time to question the pump decision when an endo looks at you and says, "You probably won't get a better A1C on the pump than you got with shots." This from the endo we saw today after reviewing the past two weeks of numbers on the pump. She was trying to persuade me that the 200's, 300's, 400's we've seen in the past two weeks aren't all that bad. When I tell her we didn't see those numbers using shots she gives us the line about the pump not being much better as far as bringing down an A1C in our case. So then I begin to question.....Why are we doing this to ourselves? We had a great system down with the shots. Not a bad A1C.....7.5. So yeah...I begin to ask WHY?

Especially since the past few nights have been pretty grueling with the pump. He comes down beautifully after dinner then proceeds to go sky high. Thus keeping us up most of the night giving corrections, checking ketones, and hoping and praying he comes down.

The lack of sleep combined with the lack of help from the endo and CDE made me a little snappy with them today. I wish I could retype some of the conversation we had, but my brain is fried. I will say that the bulk of the time I spent trying to get them to adjust night-time basals/corrections. She began to start on the daytime, but I quickly told her to fix the night.....FIX THE NIGHT!!!!! I need sleep. If I have sleep I can figure out the day. If I don't have sleep I'm not good for much, let alone trying to problem solve something with soooooo many variables. I thought with shots there were a lot of variables.....now with the pump we've added all the pump variables. It's just mind spinning.

Let me clue you in on one variable that through us for a loop last night. J.J. was at the park and comes running up to his dad saying the pump is beeping. Hubby looks at pump and it's completely reset. No basal information anymore, and there are a couple of warnings blaring. He calls me for all the basal settings so he can reset the pump.

I begin to freak. Why did it reset out of the blue? Why would it do that? Is it broken already? So I spend my "quiet house time" troubleshooting the incident. Turns out that insulin pumps are senstitive to static electricity...like most electronics. The plastic slides at parks, combined with J.J.'s nylon shorts pretty much shorted the thing out and caused it to "protect itself" and him from getting an accidental dosage. Who knew? I am so thankful for the internet....I figured out the problem in less than an hour. I discovered that to help prevent it from happening is to wrap the pump in a dryer sheet. Makes sense!!

But again......there's just one more thing to think about. Or how about tonight. I gave a bolus for a snack around five. A little over an hour later....325!! What? So I check the pump......seems that hubby used cold insulin this morning when he changed the set so there were tiny little bubbles in the reservoir and tubing. Those tiny little bubbles can make a huge difference in a kid only getting tiny little doses!! I used close to 20 units of insulin to get all the air bubbles out of the tubing!!:-(

So......yeah.....this pump thing is kickin' us!! I keep telling myself it will get better, and it will be worth it, but man.....I'm soooooo wanting to go back to the familiar.

O.K....this is just written out of tiredness....maybe I should try to sleep!!:-)

Pumping Weekiversary.....

2008-09-12T10:24:00.004-05:00

J.J.'s been on the pump for one week. These are my impressions of this first week.

The week began a little stormy. Having NO experience, LITTLE knowledge, and EVEN LESS sleep made the first few days stressful.

His basal doses in the beginning ended up being way to low, especially at night. After 24 hours we said, "Forget this, we're increasing his basal." The increase at night helped some, but it was still clear he wasn't getting enough. After a couple more tweaks we are at a pretty good range. Not optimal, but at least at a level where we aren't having to bolus every hour all night long to keep him from going to the moon.

The first set change was a little nerve wracking. Having no help, a household full of active children, and forgetting to set out the insulin beforehand made it somewhat difficult. I spent some time on the Children with Diabetes Forums and the Type1parents Forum reading their tips and tricks for site changes. It helped, but it's only knowledge.....the experience is what I needed. I shook like I did the first time. It went in well, however, and seemed to give him the insulin he needed. PHEW!!

The first set change was under my belt....the next one would prove much easier. No shaking, no nothing. J.J., however, did wake up to the fact that it is painful. He fussed and fussed and said he didn't want to do the pump anymore. I asked, "You would rather go back to doing something like this 4-6 times a day instead of once every 2-3 days?" That kept him quiet. I'm sure we'll get the fussing for the set changes. We got them for the shots, but if we sympathize yet remain firm in our resolve, he gets over it quickly and begins playing seconds after it's in.

We've had issues this week with him peeing on the pump. Thankfully the pumps are somewhat waterproof, but we can't get him to remember to move it out of the way. I'll leave Dad to help in that training!!

After changing the reservoir this morning it was apparent that J.J. will need more than one vial of insulin a month. We're having a difficult time trying to figure out how that is so, since we were throwing away half vials on shots. But he's taking in an average of 13 units of insulin a day, and the vials are only for 100 units. I called our CDE this morning and left a message. It will be interesting to see how much insulin she ends up prescribing for him on a monthly basis.

The CDE feel's comfortable with our ability to manage and tweak the pump on our own. We rarely wait to talk to them about much, so when they do call to check up and we've made adjustments that sound like what they would've done, I think they're going to let us be. Not a big deal....I'm not much for hand holding. We will attend another class next week to get even more information on using some of the pumps extended features. I also ordered "Pumping Insulin" by John Walsh. Hopefully with those resources we'll be able to use the pump to it's fullest potential.

So far we are liking the pump experience. It's nice to have precision....but weird to actually have the capability. On shots we would figure he needed 2.7 units, but only be able to dose a 2.5. It's also nice to be able to give him the insulin he needs at various times of the day. We couldn't do that with shots. So far we have only let him have an unscheduled snack once or twice because we are still figuring out basals and meal bolus's, but it's been nice to have the ability to do that. It's also wonderful to be able to dose BEFORE he eats.....a little different than my routine, but I'm getting used to it.

So there you go......our first week on the pump. A little roller coaster ride, but we're coasting a bit now. We have much to learn and experience to be sure.

On Being Ignorant......

2008-09-09T12:52:00.002-05:00

“Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.”---Benjamin Franklin

Sometimes I can handle ignorance, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I try to teach others about diabetes, sometimes I let it go. Sometimes people listen, sometimes they don't. Sometimes people learn, sometimes people remain in ignorance.

Before December 8, 2007 I was ignorant about diabetes. I learned. I don't think this lady did.

Check out this blog post:

Lunch Hour Education

Still shaking my head.

Oh, What a Night.....

2008-09-06T06:57:00.004-05:00

I crawled out of bed this morning with an old tune in my head..."Oh, what a night...la, la, la, back in '63....la, la,la,....What a lady. What a night." I really don't know much of the words, but the tune was there. Man did we have a night!! Our first night with the pump was memorable for sure.

Knowing how much my hubby loves to be the first one to play with any new gadget that comes into the house. And knowing I would be out of town next weekend. I thought HE would need the practice, so I tried to stay out of the decision tree last night for dinner.

There were two heart stops, however, that made me wonder how this night would end up. First, was when hubby was walking toward me with the take-n-bake pizza's at Wal-mart. I began to think that pizza was not the best choice for our very first dinner on the pump. I mean everyone knows about the pizza phenomenon, right? We've experienced it. We know that J.J. ALWAYS goes high and requires a second and sometimes third shot to cover pizza.

The second heart stop was when hubby was figuring everything out for dinner. I made a comment about how nice and wonderful it would be or will be to be able to use the different bolusing features on the pump to cover the pizza. He says something like, "Well, let's do it. Why do I need to wait for them to tell us? I can figure this out?"

Of course, my mind did a quick......"I wouldn't do that if I were you." But when I decide to have him take over diabetes I like to be removed from the decisions. Normally it gives me the break I need.....so I kept my mind on the task I was doing and somewhat ignored his actions with the pump.

When we put J.J. to bed around 10 pm, he was in the 180's. High even for him at night. But hubby said he programed the pump to be delivering insulin and we really couldn't or shouldn't correct for anything until midnight. He asked if I would check at midnight, then he would check at 3.

I was doing all I could to stay up until midnight.....remember yesterday's early morning drive to St. Paul? But I managed to make it, and stumble downstairs to J.J.'s bedroom. The first thing I noticed when checking his blood was how big the new meter was. It's very bulky!! I fumbled a bit but was able to get a reading........

483!!

My heart stopped. The fear of DKA while using a pump was drilled into us at the clinic.

It took a second for me to think of what to do.

O.k......I think I need to check ketones...is that right? Do I give him a shot and not use the pump? Has the pump failed already.... WHAT DID HE DO? WHAT DID MY HUSBAND DO?

I ran upstairs to the fridge to look at the magnet the clinic had just given us.

Over 300... check for ketones.

Ketostix....Where are the Ketostix? I just had them right here!! Where are the Ketostix? Wait....I'm gonna have to get him to pee for me. I can't get him to drink for me at night, how am I going to get him to pee in a cup? Ketostix....whare are the Ketostix?

Hubby finally wakes up to my frantic searching for Ketostix and asks what's going on. I informed him of the situation. He gets up right away and begins to help.....and bring a sense of calm to my heart....I'm not in this alone!!

We get J.J. up to pee in the cup. Well, hubby did. He laughed at me this morning. Told me that when he heard me say in a sweet little voice, "J.J..... Sweetie.....you need to get up and go potty for Mama." He knew I was doomed, and proceeded to yank him out of bed and "walk" him to the bathroom. He's had experience with that and knows that J.J. won't wake up even to taking him to the bathroom.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15

PHEW...negative ketones.

A weight is lifted....momentarily.

How old are those Ketostix? Do they really go bad that fast? What if they're wrong? I should've bought some on the way home today. They told us to have fresh Ketostix. And the pump.... Is the pump working right? What do we do now? A shot or use the pump? Check the magnet....CHECK THE MAGNET!! Thank God for magnets.

NEGATIVE KETONES....USE PUMP TO GIVE HIGH CORRECTION BOLUS AND RECHECK IN ONE HOUR TO MAKE SURE BLOOD SUGAR IS COMING DOWN.

ONE HOUR....I could barely make it to midnight, and now I'm staying up until 1 am?

Like I could sleep. I tried to figure out hubby's scribbles in the log, and even checked the meter to see what it had actually done, but I couldn't really figure anything out. I waited the hour out praying that the correction was working and he was coming down.

368

YES, thank-you Lord.....he's coming down.

Hubby took the rest of the night and continued to give correction doses to bring him down. That is normal on a pizza night...but what is not normal is him being so high.

At 6 am J.J. walked into my room and said, ."Dad forgot to check my blood. I just saw him drive away. He needed to check my blood."

I asked him if the pump was beeping or something and he said it was.

I got up to check the log and his meter and noticed hubby had checked him 2 minutes prior. J.J. probably woke up to the beep the pump gives when a blood glucose reading has been received from the meter.

While I'm checking the log J.J. had run to the bathroom and I hear a THUD. I run to the bathroom where J.J. is holding the pump saying "What do I do with this thing.....I have to pee soooo bad.....what do I do?"

Poor guy.....we'll have to figure this all out. Not being attached to something all the time does have it's advantages. I'm sure he'll get used to it. I just hope the pump holds up while he's learning how to live with it.

The funny thing about this whole night is that J.J. had no clue any of it was happening!! When I told him we had to get him up to go to the bathroom to check ketones he didn't believe me!!

Kids are sooooo resilient.

Now.....how do I function with so little sleep while the rest of my brood has slept so soundly!!???

CAFFEINE!!! I NEED CAFFEINE!!!

Officially Pumping.....

2008-09-05T17:32:00.004-05:00

Look at him.... all smug with the pump on his hip!!:-)

It's hard to believe this day is here. Who'da thought? Almost 10 months into this and J.J. is off all those nasty daily injections!! YAY!! Of course we face new, but different challenges I'm sure, but we are excited to see how this works for us. So far it's been amazing.

We got up really early to make it to St.Paul by 9 am. The news had us (read ME!) worried with all the riots and blocked traffic because of the RNC. We ended up being 45 minutes too early....oops!!

The first couple hours we went over the basics and made sure all the numbers were confirmed with the endo before we went "live". The pump seemed to be working properly throughout the set-up process, which was encouraging.

Finally, it came time to insert the cannula. I was somewhat nervous because I had requested numbing cream when we used the trial pump. This time he would feel everything. He really wanted the site in the stomach, but the CDE said there just wasn't enough fat. So the bum it was.

My hands were shaking.....I don't know why, I give him 4-6 shots a day, what's one poke? He didn't even flinch. I was shocked. I'm not sure if it was because two other guys were also starting at the same time and he was being brave, or he really didn't feel it all that much. At least this first one wasn't so painful. For that we are very thankful.

We were given two brand new meters that link with the pump!! It's always fun to get diabetes freebies!! We just thought we weren't going to be able to use that feature. The strips are the same ones we've been using this whole time, so that's an added bonus.

We took his blood sugar and out of nowhere the pump beeped then showed the result. Yay....that worked too!!:-) It showed a high number.....mainly because they take the kids off Lantus the day before so they can start on the pump. We gave our first correction bolus AND IT WORKED!! He dropped from the 200's to the 70's.

Today has been all a'flutter with NEWNESS. Like.... going to McDonald's and bolusing BEFORE he ate...and NOT giving an injection!!! How about changing clothes? Or "going poop"? J.J. came to us wondering how he was going to use the bathroom with his pump on......good question. We're still trying to figure all that out.

For the next 3 days we have to check his blood every 3 hours around the clock to make sure everything is working properly and the pump settings are accurate. Really this is nothing new for us. We were already in this habit, so it's not so much a big deal.

There's a feature on the pump which can be set to alert us when we need to check his blood after giving a bolus. So we told J.J. that if the pump starts beeping to let us know. At one point hubby looks at me and says, "J.J.'s pump should've gone off by now. Hasn't it been 3 hours?" We called J.J. in from playing outside and he says, "Mom, Dad, the pump has been beeping at me.....dooot, dooot, doooot." We were like "YEAH....that means you have to GET US, DUDE!!"

We are just so thankful for this day, and want to thank everyone who has prayed for it. We also want to thank the generous person who gave us the pump.....what a blessing....we cannot thank you enough.....God bless you!!

Please continue to pray for the adjustment.....we know we'll have problems along the way. Also pray for continued provision. Pump supplies (unfortunately) come out of the durable medical portion of our policy, instead of prescriptions. So basically we pay out of pocket for his monthly pump supplies. We hope to never have to make a decision between money and his health.

Now......off to figure out how to sew pump pockets in his clothes......and find a few belts....the weight of the pump causes his pants to sag.:-(

Insulin Sensitivy: Take Two.....

2008-09-03T00:07:00.003-05:00

Since we tried to get his insulin sensitivity yesterday and well, it appears it was somewhat botched... I really didn't think we would have another opportunity. However, his number right before lunch was over 200. So I thought we should give it another try.

(As a side note I have come to the conclusion that this kid should NOT eat Panera bagels for breakfast. WOW....talk about high carb!! This is the first food I've seen a pattern where I just can't seem to dose enough for it. He loves them so much and we get them free....so quite the bummer.)

I decide to dose just a half unit for the 220, and give him eggs, diet pop, and cheese. The pop is in there to entice him to eat the eggs AGAIN for lunch!! I check 2 hours later:

62!!!!

Gee....so that dose...the lowest dose I can technically give him using a syringe.... dropped him 158 mg/dL in 2 hours..... OH MY!!

I still wasn't able to check him at the 3 & 4 hour marks because I had to give him carbs to correct the low!!

Oh well......such is life. As usual his numbers are all whacky the week we head to the endo. This is beginning to become a habit for him. I'm learning to not let it stress me out.

Pump supplies arrived today.......Can you feel the excitement?....Are ya'll counting down with us?........3-2-1---just three days until J.J. goes on the pump.

Holy Blindside Batman!!

2008-09-02T23:08:00.003-05:00

A few days ago I was thinking about "blindsides" and the emotional turmoil that exists after one has been blindsided by some awful news. Seems like lately, in my life anyway, the blindsides never let up. When my emotions have healed and I think it's safe to live life again, then WHAM....I'm hit again. They seem unrelenting.

I keep asking God "What is it you want me to learn? I must not be getting it.....can you give me a hint? Wait, no more of YOUR type of "hints" please. These blindsides are really starting to hurt, and I think I might just lay here for awhile, because I don't think I can handle another blow."

But then the fighter in me says:
"Get up and keep going....you won't get anywhere laying on the ground. Finish the football game would ya."

But then somebody else inside says: "Isn't there a back up wide receiver? Can't he take my place for awhile....I need to heal from all my injuries. I've been slammed too many times. I'm getting too old for this."

Diabetes, of course, is one of the "blindsides" we've been dealt in the past year. But it's just one. I seem to think if it were the only one, life would be sweet'(pun intended). But there are many blindsides in life. Unexpected twists and turns and all out body slams that leave a person breathless.

So anyway, as I'm thinking of the blindsides, I also realize that God has perfected the art of the blindside. I mean to say that He sees the bigger picture in all these events. He's sifted them through His loving hands. He knows what's gonna happen before it happens. He knows we don't know it's gonna happen before it happens, and yet even in the worst of trials and circumstances and what we see as "blindsides", He sees as opportunities to increase our faith.

Think about Job for a minute. That dude was hit pretty hard with some nasty blindsides--just read the first few chapters. He didn't know what was goin' on with God and Satan. He didn't know they were chattin' away about him or the reason for the blindsides. But read to the end....Job finally gets it, and God restores all twofold.

Job gives me hope---hope that these blindsides have meaning and purposes that one day I may fully understand.

And so it goes with blindsides......they're going to be there, and sometimes they'll be there constantly. But if we consider God and His Holy purposes and that they are ALWAYS good and right and just, we will proclaim:

Holy Blindside Batman!!

Not exactly what I was thinking....

2008-09-01T09:09:00.002-05:00

This morning I still had in the back of my mind that we need to get J.J.'s insulin sensitivity test done by Friday. I was hoping he would wake up high this morning, but too much flashlight tag late into the night made that pretty much impossible. However, when we called him in for lunch Sarah calls out:

"Mom he's 546!!"

"WHAT? 546?!!"

Hubby and I looked at each other, mouths open wide. We haven't seen a number like that since....???

"Didn't you dose for breakfast?"

"Well, of course I dosed for break...fasss...t. Oh, no...I didn't write anything down, I guess I didn't dose. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, no problem, we'll get his sensitivity test over with. Not the way I expected, but it'll work. He'll have to have eggs or something for lunch...NO CARBS!"

Hubby and I mulled over in our minds what he had for breakfast......3 pieces of french toast, syrup, milk and bacon. (Hey, it's a holiday!!) We counted in our heads....nearly 100 carbs!! WOW!!

So we give him a correction dose--2.5 units-- and check in two hours:

63!!

Hubby thought we should've done 2.0 units because he figured every half unit brings him down 100. I think I was just freaked out that he was so high so I told him to add the half.....oops!! Well, now we know. This kid is sensitive to insulin. Hopefully the clinic can use the numbers even though I was supposed to check him at 3 hrs, and 4 hrs without carbs. We obviously had to give him carbs to keep him from crashing....so....???? I really don't want to repeat this type of test again!!

Pump School Completed!!

2008-08-31T19:52:00.002-05:00

Yay!! We just completed one of our requirements for pump start this Friday. Honestly it was sooooo boring. This stuff is not rocket science....as my husband put it. The experience and the "doing" is going to be the biggest hurdle. We know what we can at this point. Now it's just figuring out how this will specifically affect J.J., and putting everything we've learned into practice.

The only big hurdle this week is trying to figure out J.J.'s insulin sensitivity. We don't have exact numbers and the clinic wants those. We usually just say a half unit will crash him, so watch out if we correct for a high. We factor in so much when we correct for highs that we generally don't have an set rule like if he's over 150 give him .5 units. The clinic said that we should do it on a morning he wakes up high....give him a correction and only let him have a protein breakfast. The problem with that.....he doesn't wake up high.....so should we allow him to go high just for this test...probably....but it's a hard thing to do.

Hubby said many times during "class".....now, why can't we just do this on our own? Why do we have to drive 150 miles, pay hundreds of dollars to have them show us how to use this? Aren't the supplies being shipped right to us? Don't we already have the insulin? Can't we have so and so just come over and get us going...she's been on the pump for most of her life?

Although he is soooooo right, we will have to jump through the hoops. Do a bunch of head nodding and tail wagging. Tis the system we're working with....

Stay tuned....

Funny.....and NOT so funny.....

2008-08-29T11:44:00.002-05:00

FUNNY.....
Yesterday I decided to check my stat-counter for the blog. I haven't looked at it in months. I like to see the keywords people use in search engines to reach my blog. This one just made me chuckle then say, "Huh?":

mom strips for son in snow

NOT so FUNNY....
While watching the news this morning it occurred to me that J.J.'s pump start is scheduled during the Republican National Convention. Many streets in St. Paul will be closed making it difficult for us to get to J.J.'s clinic....no wonder why they had an opening for that day!!

Pump Start Scheduled.....

2008-08-28T16:40:00.005-05:00

I called our CDE because we are down to our last penfill of insulin. I didn't want to reorder another 6 months supply if J.J. were to get on the pump in the next couple of weeks rendering the penfills useless to fill the pump reservoirs. To me, not a big deal....nothing threatening, nothing that screams "WE'RE MOVING FORWARD!"

When she calls back, however, she asks us if we want to start J.J. on the pump. Gee... what do I say...? Yes, no, maybe? I ended up telling her yes. Wow...she moved into action...set a date for next Friday, rattled off a bunch of requirements and what I'm calling "homework" assignments.

While she's talking I get BLEEPED twice....but can't really answer the calls since she's in super-duper CDE mode. The calls were from the pump supply company and my hubby. Both had input to this situation that I wasn't privy to....since I couldn't answer the bleeping phone!!

Turns out our insurance isn't going to pay a penny, as we(I) figured, for the supplies until our outrageously high deductible is met. I was figuring that was the case....but hubby wasn't. So when the supplier couldn't get me, she calls hubby....who goes into complete sticker shock!! Ends up NOT giving them a credit card number and calls me...on both my phones.

I was already a little apprehensive about this pump start, but when I talked to hubby and he's like, "Are you sure we want to do this? Is it really going to be (insert cost) a month? I mean, I know it's what's best for J.J., but is it really going to cost that much a month?"

And then later I try to prepare him for the difficulties ahead by saying, "It's like STARTING OVER...it's like HAVING A NEWBORN IN THE HOUSE AGAIN....Are you prepared for that?"

He responds by saying, "NO! Nobody is ever really ready for a newborn, but it has to come out sometime. So this has to happen sometime."

By this time I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT....

Wow...if he's not ready for this, I can't do this....this is going to be way bad. No way....I'm calling everybody back NOW...no supplies, no pump start.

But then the fam leaves for soccer, and I have a quiet house. I decide to sit down to "vent" in my journal when I read the very last entry:

"No, we wouldn't choose to have storms, but what we will find in the storm is God, who changes our fears to faith."
--Fern Nichols in Every Child Needs a Praying Mother

Fears to faith...exactly what I needed to read. The tornado of fears was whisking me away...causing a frantic frenzied crazy Mama. For the next two hours I turned my fears over to God, knowing I can cast all my burdens upon Him because He cares for me. In those hours I found the faith to free me of the fears. He has an endless supply of grace, strength, and perseverance....I just need to ask Him for it.

This very long winded post is to say that J.J. is scheduled to receive his supplies by early next week, and to start on the pump Friday September 5th. We would appreciate your prayers that:

The adjustment would go smoothly
Our minds would be able to absorb the enormous amounts of NEW information we need to care for J.J. using this different method of treatment...and the kids would understand while we learn.
J.J.'s fears would be calmed...he said he's "a little" scared.
We would trust God completely and fully for financial provision..He has never failed us...
Our marriage would remain strong--lack of sleep, nerves on edge, lack of time to just be with one another, and keeping all the plates spinning at the same time--can all put a strain on a marriage.
The used pump will work until we can get a new one....possibly the beginning of 2009....and it won't be too frustrating to use it.

I am what's in my purse.....

2008-08-27T14:54:00.002-05:00

Diabetes related items in my purse...I'm too embarrassed to show EVERYTHING!!

This morning my daughter asked me for a crochet hook. I told her to look in my purse. I know...odd place...but I thought for sure my bag of crochet hooks was in there. After a few, "Mom, I can't find it" 's, I begrudgingly got up to search through my purse.....yes, it's a black hole!! I ended up dumping everything out.

As I was flinging items out of my purse--a ball of yarn, knitting needles, quilt patterns, gum, allergy meds, and so much more--- I was kind of shocked to find used syringes, lancets, alcohol wipes, multiple bags of fruities etc. I decided to set aside everything in my purse that's diabetes related. Keep in mind, when we travel we always have a "diabetes bag" that we carry with us. So technically these items should not be in my purse.

But......then again.....I'm a mom to a boy who has diabetes.....I shouldn't be surprised.

As I perused the rest of the contents of my purse I realized I am what's in my purse......

So ladies....fess up.....what's in your purse??